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Hurt and frustrated
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751648" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I don't think some of us can do this. Like, really, really, not having them in our lives. Those of us like this twist ourselves up into knots to try. And in doing so deny and distort what we see. This is a human reaction. In fact, it has several names. One is "cognitive dissonance." Another is an ego defense mechanism.</p><p></p><p>But I don't think we have to not have them in our lives. The physical them, has to stay away. yes. But the idea of them. Does not have to go away. That's my rallying cry.</p><p></p><p>Think about it. Most of this country is immigrants. All of my grandparents left their parents in the old country to never ever see them again in life. They left their physical parents. Their parents lost their physical children. Do you really think those mothers stopped keeping a space in their heart for loving their children and hoping they would return as long as they had breath? </p><p></p><p>But Josh is not across an ocean. He is ill. He can find treatment. He can stabilize. There is no telling how long this will take. That's true. But it is one likely scenario. I know it's hard to have hope at the same time you are pulling up the bridge across the moat. But I hope you do.</p><p></p><p>And there are the cowboys' mothers (my favorite, I don't want to forget them. I love Westerns.) Cowboy mothers had to learn to live with absent children too. I believe they waited for them. I don't think they had to close off part of their heart. Well. They may have for a while, when they were very, very sad (and mad). But I want to think their hearts opened again.</p><p></p><p>There are many ways we support and help each other here. One big way for me, is that I can better see myself through you. Actually. I have a hard time seeing myself at all. But through you I can "see" myself and actually have compassion for us both.</p><p></p><p>Beta. Through you and others here I can keep myself alive and present and realistic. A cutting edge instead o of closing myself down. It's harder (way harder) to do it alone. I'm NOT a black and white person. But with my son, I am. It's because all of this hurts in places without words. Without reason. Kind of the wild love part of myself. Where there is nothing logical. Everything about this hurts in a way that I fear I cannot bear. If I remember you guys are here. I am not so afraid.</p><p></p><p>If we have each other we can face this. That's what we are doing. Holding hands.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751648, member: 18958"] I don't think some of us can do this. Like, really, really, not having them in our lives. Those of us like this twist ourselves up into knots to try. And in doing so deny and distort what we see. This is a human reaction. In fact, it has several names. One is "cognitive dissonance." Another is an ego defense mechanism. But I don't think we have to not have them in our lives. The physical them, has to stay away. yes. But the idea of them. Does not have to go away. That's my rallying cry. Think about it. Most of this country is immigrants. All of my grandparents left their parents in the old country to never ever see them again in life. They left their physical parents. Their parents lost their physical children. Do you really think those mothers stopped keeping a space in their heart for loving their children and hoping they would return as long as they had breath? But Josh is not across an ocean. He is ill. He can find treatment. He can stabilize. There is no telling how long this will take. That's true. But it is one likely scenario. I know it's hard to have hope at the same time you are pulling up the bridge across the moat. But I hope you do. And there are the cowboys' mothers (my favorite, I don't want to forget them. I love Westerns.) Cowboy mothers had to learn to live with absent children too. I believe they waited for them. I don't think they had to close off part of their heart. Well. They may have for a while, when they were very, very sad (and mad). But I want to think their hearts opened again. There are many ways we support and help each other here. One big way for me, is that I can better see myself through you. Actually. I have a hard time seeing myself at all. But through you I can "see" myself and actually have compassion for us both. Beta. Through you and others here I can keep myself alive and present and realistic. A cutting edge instead o of closing myself down. It's harder (way harder) to do it alone. I'm NOT a black and white person. But with my son, I am. It's because all of this hurts in places without words. Without reason. Kind of the wild love part of myself. Where there is nothing logical. Everything about this hurts in a way that I fear I cannot bear. If I remember you guys are here. I am not so afraid. If we have each other we can face this. That's what we are doing. Holding hands. [/QUOTE]
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