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husband's done
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 710980" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>Speaking from the father point of view, I understand your husbands point of view. As fathers, we are NOT the nurturers, we are the ones who prepare them then say get out. Your son probably does feel rejected by your husband. I'd almost guarantee that my son feels the same about me. The truth of the matter is that couldn't be further from the truth. I love my son. It breaks my heart daily though that I can't trust him. It hurts my soul in ways a mother can't understand anymore than a father can fathom a mothers need to nurture that he took all that I taught him and basically took a dump on it. </p><p></p><p>He wants me to be proud of him, he's said so before. My response was "Then do something worthy of pride". I WILL NOT lie to him and say that I'm proud of him right now. I never have believed in the whole "everyone gets a trophy so no one's feelings get hurt" crap. It goes against who I am. My son won't conform or do anything that I might actually feel pride about because it goes against who he is. Eventually they will either figure it out and conform or not. If they figure it out, then we can start to rebuild. Until then, neither of us CAN bend. It goes against our nature and to do that would be to admit that we've been wrong all these years and the only thing that will make our difficult son's FINALLY admit that they were actually the one who was wrong is for them to finally learn it, to get it. </p><p></p><p>Your family isn't broken but it is damaged, changed. In order for it to heal, to change for the better will take time. Change is neither easy nor fast so be patient and do what you need to do. If our son comes back to our area and wants to spend time with his mother but not me, it will hurt but I have to respect that and allow that. Give your husband the chance to make that decision, that declaration to you, himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 710980, member: 18238"] Speaking from the father point of view, I understand your husbands point of view. As fathers, we are NOT the nurturers, we are the ones who prepare them then say get out. Your son probably does feel rejected by your husband. I'd almost guarantee that my son feels the same about me. The truth of the matter is that couldn't be further from the truth. I love my son. It breaks my heart daily though that I can't trust him. It hurts my soul in ways a mother can't understand anymore than a father can fathom a mothers need to nurture that he took all that I taught him and basically took a dump on it. He wants me to be proud of him, he's said so before. My response was "Then do something worthy of pride". I WILL NOT lie to him and say that I'm proud of him right now. I never have believed in the whole "everyone gets a trophy so no one's feelings get hurt" crap. It goes against who I am. My son won't conform or do anything that I might actually feel pride about because it goes against who he is. Eventually they will either figure it out and conform or not. If they figure it out, then we can start to rebuild. Until then, neither of us CAN bend. It goes against our nature and to do that would be to admit that we've been wrong all these years and the only thing that will make our difficult son's FINALLY admit that they were actually the one who was wrong is for them to finally learn it, to get it. Your family isn't broken but it is damaged, changed. In order for it to heal, to change for the better will take time. Change is neither easy nor fast so be patient and do what you need to do. If our son comes back to our area and wants to spend time with his mother but not me, it will hurt but I have to respect that and allow that. Give your husband the chance to make that decision, that declaration to you, himself. [/QUOTE]
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