I am back

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Triedntrue, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. overcome mom

    overcome mom Member

    Triedntrue- sounds like our sons are very similar, only mine is 26 years old. Just found out that he may get out of jail in a couple of days as they may drop the charges. He was all excited but found out that he may get extradited back to where he was before as they now have a warrant out for him for not showing up to a court date . He couldn't show up as he was in jail . The court that he didn't show up to was the one who sent him to the jail he is currently in. Boy the system is so messed up. If that jail did not put their warrant in the system he may get out, only to deal with that and his other problems later. He was so upset when I told him of the new warrant. He was very snotty on the phone telling me how to handle people. He has been locked up since April awaiting court dates, has not been found guilty of anything yet. I understand why he was so upset because he finally thought he was going to get out and then I told him of the warrant. I can't imagine what it is like to be locked up without being able to go outside except in a concrete block two times a week. I REALLY hate to see him locked up but in a way if he gets sent back to the other place to deal with that and gets it over with I think it would be a good idea. The only problem is that it takes forever between court dates- months. I just am so tried of dealing with his crisis's and depression. He brings on his circumstances.
    I do worry like you ,triedntrue, that his dad and him will get into it and we will have to have the cops come. It has been a few years since he was living here and I think the neighbors are just now starting to talk with us (except one).
  2. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Dear Busy--I'm sorry for the stress you're dealing with in regard to the welfare of Jaden. Having a grandchild in the mix just heightens the anxiety and worry. May G-d give you wisdom and discernment as you navigate this unpredictable and scary situation with Kay.
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    As bad as this sounds, it might save your grandson. I don't believe they are qualified to home school him. I don't want him living in poverty. If a loving aunt wants to take custody,it's the best we can hope for. Jayden loves his parents, so I hope he isn't traumatized by this. Kay could fight this if she decides. I really hope she lets the aunt have custody.

    could change
  4. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Crayola, taking him out of his home will just mess him up more. I care less about school than his mental health. But if she is homeless I want him safe and Amy can do that and he knows her and her kids and she will get him vaccinated and put him in school. He probably needs Special Education.

    Jaden is delayed in general. Crayola, Kay is not qualified to homeschool a cat. I am very upset. About many things, including how hard it is to get anyone to care about what is going on in Jaden's life. CPS needs a lot of change.

    Sorry. Am stressed.
  5. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi Triedntrue, I am sorry to hear that your son is still not acting right. I remember your posts from a while back because your son is the same age as my daughter. 37 years old... So close to 40 and you would think by this age they would have straighten out. I think in one of your posts you had mentioned that he tried to run you off the road. If you can think of this each time he asks you for money, it maybe easier to say no... There came a time when my daughter would call and ask me for money, instead of getting all stressed out I would make weird monkey noises, she would say 'Are you crazy' and I would say yes so leave me alone. It seemed to work the best. I tried to reason with her, I tried to explain that I cannot keep paying for her wicked life style but it went into one ear and out the other.. Then I tried the monkey noises and it shut her up quickly and she finally quit asking me for money.
  6. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    It all sounds so familiar. Prayers to you.
  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I agree it all sounds so familiar you need to keep your home as a sanctuary where you don't have to deal with him.
  8. Barbaro

    Barbaro New Member

    Why is this? Have his parental rights and responsibilities been terminated?
  9. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    It sounds like the boundaries you have set are starting to work, but not quite there. My suggestion, after giving far more money than I ever should have, dont give in. When we let up (thinking things might be different, this time), the boundaries break down, and the cycle starts all over again, from the beginning. I cant go there.

    My daughter tried again recently after 2 yrs of no. I have given my daughter (41) the boundaries. If and when she gets help for her behaviors and alcoholism, a job or if truly sick, apply for disability, we will be here. I have not told her exactly what that looks like because she would use it to manipulate, but my thoughts are to pay the first couple months of sober living.

    Trust has been broken and our adult children must earn it back.

    I am thinking of you. It is hard. But I can say, having boundaries helps me. Working at emotional detachment helps me make better decisions. That's not to say I am good at it 100%, but my days in what I call the black vortex are fewer.

    Love and light.
  10. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Well the poop hit the fan. I am slow to anger but son is still in jail and is back to fowl language. i hung up once and ignored phone for awhile. He continually comes up with things he cant take care of in there. I tried to keep it to a minimum but today i had enough. When he got into custody issues with his ex i told both of them i would not be involved. So since his arrest was based on back child support he wanted me to talk to his ex. I repeated that i would not get involved. Partially because it is very stressful and partially because i am still allowed to see my grandson. So he decided that the only reason that he was still in there is because i won't talk to her about it. I ran around all morning doing stuff for him and have made numerous phone calls ( not to ex though) trying to make sure he didn't lose his phone or tools among other things. So he gets nasty and I LOST IT. i know we are supposed to stay calm but....i did. I told him i was done! Don't ask me for anything i was tired of being treated like dirt while running around doing things for him. Talking to her was the only thing i wouldn't do. I screamed and swore totally unlike me. I was just fed up. I then blocked the number from the jail. I have no plans to unblock it anytime soon. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I am sorry i lost it and yelled but not sorry i told him enough.
  11. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Don't feel bad. He doesn't feel bad and keeps treating you without respect. If he had paid his child support he wouldn't be in jail. It's not up to you to solve this and risk his ex not letting you see your grandson. You have a right to lose it once in a while. We are all human and sorely tried by our kids.

    I am very sorry that you are dealing with this. Hard as it is to do, put yourself first. You do not have to run interference for a grown man.

    God bless and love.
  12. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    I agree with Busy. You are human and you had had enough. Sometimes, we have to push back. And sometimes we get angry. And it's ok to express that anger and sometimes it doesn't come out all that elegantly.

    Unfortunately, some people only learn from the consequences of their actions, and that is why he is in jail. The more he has to do for himself , the more the lesson will be able to teach him.
  13. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Thank you