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Parent Emeritus
I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 745505" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Copa, just popped on at work and found all that's gone on. Oh hun, first, I'm so sorry...this all went on.</p><p></p><p>Second...</p><p></p><p></p><p>Read that. You got him services. You got him therapy. YOU DID WHAT YOU KNEW TO DO.</p><p> </p><p>His problems are NOT your fault. Your son is a GROWN MAN and he is NOT incapable of taking care of himself, at least the basics! He knows how to find shelter and food. He's not a drooling mess who will just let himself freeze to death! If he neglects his liver - he KNOWS what that means Copa! As hard as it is for you - it is HIS choice as much as it was my child's choice to steal and smoke pot. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Now...read that. Again - YOU DID WHAT YOU KNEW TO DO! It's perfectly reasonable to expect grown men in your life to meet certain expectations. What have you asked for? Doctors mostly. For him to get some help...and I'm SURE you have offered to assist!</p><p></p><p>Third: Copa, I am going to be blunt and I hope beyond hope that I don't hurt your feelings. I say this with love and with your best interests at heart. If YOU are not in therapy...you said you didn't like the therapist you were going to meet J with...you need to be to get your own head on straight on these issues. Yesterday you were "I think he should move back. I can't be happy if he's not here and getting help" or words to that effect. Then he calls and you are absolutely panicked to the point of threatening police and saying that you aren't safe if he is there. Honey...it can't be both ways. You need to find a line and stick with it. He can't manipulate you half as much if you aren't being wishy-washy about things and you're playing a large part in breaking your own heart.</p><p></p><p>It's not fair. Not even to him and certainly not to you!</p><p></p><p>It's time to stop beating yourself up for things you did or didn't do. It's time to find a way to live with life as it is now. You deserve some peace of mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 745505, member: 17309"] Copa, just popped on at work and found all that's gone on. Oh hun, first, I'm so sorry...this all went on. Second... Read that. You got him services. You got him therapy. YOU DID WHAT YOU KNEW TO DO. His problems are NOT your fault. Your son is a GROWN MAN and he is NOT incapable of taking care of himself, at least the basics! He knows how to find shelter and food. He's not a drooling mess who will just let himself freeze to death! If he neglects his liver - he KNOWS what that means Copa! As hard as it is for you - it is HIS choice as much as it was my child's choice to steal and smoke pot. Now...read that. Again - YOU DID WHAT YOU KNEW TO DO! It's perfectly reasonable to expect grown men in your life to meet certain expectations. What have you asked for? Doctors mostly. For him to get some help...and I'm SURE you have offered to assist! Third: Copa, I am going to be blunt and I hope beyond hope that I don't hurt your feelings. I say this with love and with your best interests at heart. If YOU are not in therapy...you said you didn't like the therapist you were going to meet J with...you need to be to get your own head on straight on these issues. Yesterday you were "I think he should move back. I can't be happy if he's not here and getting help" or words to that effect. Then he calls and you are absolutely panicked to the point of threatening police and saying that you aren't safe if he is there. Honey...it can't be both ways. You need to find a line and stick with it. He can't manipulate you half as much if you aren't being wishy-washy about things and you're playing a large part in breaking your own heart. It's not fair. Not even to him and certainly not to you! It's time to stop beating yourself up for things you did or didn't do. It's time to find a way to live with life as it is now. You deserve some peace of mind. [/QUOTE]
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