Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745530" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son does that: what you do tired,, when he texts..</p><p></p><p>Mom? Mom? I dIdn't get it until now.</p><p></p><p>The PTSD is from my life. Not my son. But my son is a trigger now. I denied my feelings for so long, so much that about five months ago, I had an extreme reaction when he tried to push his way into my house for what? He thought I had his marijuana in the house.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to say what I did but I will say that I was not in a conscious state. I did something to protect myself and I only stopped because m ordered me to and then i woke up. I had dissociated.</p><p></p><p>People think I've changed and I have with respect to my son and other things. If I have it's largely because I was forced to by recognition of how far I fell. I was acting like a battered woman who won't take it any more.and it was not a conscious change. It welled up from within me. But my son was not my perptetator.</p><p></p><p>There were other circumstances..Not more than millions of others deal with, but mine.</p><p></p><p>With my son the rubber hits the road. I have no stamina.and all of my panic seems to come up. There's no reservoir of confidence that all will be well. That it will all work out..</p><p></p><p>My father was an alcoholic and drug addict and he abandoned us. He died on skid row.</p><p></p><p>I know that these things don't necessarily end well.</p><p></p><p>Although with my son I always believed they would.</p><p></p><p>So he and I are mirror images of of each other.</p><p></p><p>All of my achievement was running for my life away from my real life. And I have been dealing with the fact that there's no place anymore to run.</p><p></p><p>All of this has nothing to do with my real life son. But it is the reality I deal with inside myself as I deal with him. And everything else.</p><p></p><p>There is a very famous article in psychoanalysis from almost 70 years ago, I think. It's called ""Parenthood as a deveiopmental stage." Ruth Benedict</p><p></p><p>The gist if I remember is that problems with our kids as they grow up trigger our own incomplete developmental struggles, with our own parents. So in this way they both trip us up and give us opportunities for resolution.</p><p></p><p>That said, my son said he wants to meet me tomorrow, and if it pans out, I will take the train. But I am grateful we are in a dialog In the here and now.</p><p></p><p>I have to say I am both grateful and pleased he got off the train turned around and went back. And even more pleased he is communicating with me.</p><p></p><p>It felt so horrible the thought he would be on the streets here in my town. This I acknowledge was a completely irrational response</p><p></p><p>I am forced to wonder if this has something to do with my father.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745530, member: 18958"] My son does that: what you do tired,, when he texts.. Mom? Mom? I dIdn't get it until now. The PTSD is from my life. Not my son. But my son is a trigger now. I denied my feelings for so long, so much that about five months ago, I had an extreme reaction when he tried to push his way into my house for what? He thought I had his marijuana in the house. I don't want to say what I did but I will say that I was not in a conscious state. I did something to protect myself and I only stopped because m ordered me to and then i woke up. I had dissociated. People think I've changed and I have with respect to my son and other things. If I have it's largely because I was forced to by recognition of how far I fell. I was acting like a battered woman who won't take it any more.and it was not a conscious change. It welled up from within me. But my son was not my perptetator. There were other circumstances..Not more than millions of others deal with, but mine. With my son the rubber hits the road. I have no stamina.and all of my panic seems to come up. There's no reservoir of confidence that all will be well. That it will all work out.. My father was an alcoholic and drug addict and he abandoned us. He died on skid row. I know that these things don't necessarily end well. Although with my son I always believed they would. So he and I are mirror images of of each other. All of my achievement was running for my life away from my real life. And I have been dealing with the fact that there's no place anymore to run. All of this has nothing to do with my real life son. But it is the reality I deal with inside myself as I deal with him. And everything else. There is a very famous article in psychoanalysis from almost 70 years ago, I think. It's called ""Parenthood as a deveiopmental stage." Ruth Benedict The gist if I remember is that problems with our kids as they grow up trigger our own incomplete developmental struggles, with our own parents. So in this way they both trip us up and give us opportunities for resolution. That said, my son said he wants to meet me tomorrow, and if it pans out, I will take the train. But I am grateful we are in a dialog In the here and now. I have to say I am both grateful and pleased he got off the train turned around and went back. And even more pleased he is communicating with me. It felt so horrible the thought he would be on the streets here in my town. This I acknowledge was a completely irrational response I am forced to wonder if this has something to do with my father. Thank you very much. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
Top