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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 745587" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think he has challenges like I did/do, that are/were masked by his verbal expertise and foreign language abilities. Until he is tested nobody knows what he truly can and cant do even if he tries hard or gets help. He doesnt seem to accept that he could need help yet and you cant make him. But you can demand to sit in and you can hear the results of the testing. This can be a lone expectation. What you learn may help you a lot even if only inside of you.</p><p></p><p>I am a bit worried about.M and the pot. J will smoke pot. Period. M cant stop it nor can you and if he is on 20th he will still smoke it. If it were me I would drop the pot as an issue. Its unwinnable, he has a medical card for it and its legal in your state. This has to be one of those no expectation issues or it wont work. M has to go along with it or you two will fight and its not in my opinion worth it. J is certainly in a better environment near you than in the streets, pot or not.</p><p></p><p> J may be doing the best he can. His memory could be impaired by the in utero drug abuse plus TBIs. Thats a lot of very real trauma applied to the brain. He may always need some help but he wont ever get it on the streets and will probably not want any right away with you either.</p><p></p><p> He needs to feel worthwhile and valuable even if he is</p><p>differently abled in some ways that hamper his functioning. Its hard. We dont want to feel like we cant do what everyone else does easily.</p><p></p><p>I had to come to peace with these little invisible disabilities in spite of having some very bright, high achievers in my family of origin and in spite of also being shunned for being different (different seen in FOO as I am deliberately acting bad).</p><p></p><p> This is the year I am finally wiping that off my brain. Although I dont expect YOU to believe in this or do it, I have an amazing psychic medium with amazing gifts and we had an appointment yesterday (stop laughing everyone!) I believe I spoke to my closest loved one who has passed on (I know, I know <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) but it helped push me even more towards acceptance. I waswtold to let go ofothe things thattI still hung onto. That it isnt my fault. Never was. It is not J's fault either, even if you dont believe in the afterlife. Seriously. It is not. Nor tour fault.</p><p></p><p>I am 65. J is 30. It takes time. Time to accept hard things about ourselves. Eventually we realize though that we are still valuable and worthwhile!</p><p></p><p> There is a lot of help and empowerment for anyone with invisible disabilities these days. Assuming he tests as deficient in some areas of function. It doesnt mean his life can not be great. My life is GREAT! Truly it is. J can have agreat life.....wife, kids, love. I didnt meet T until I was in my late 30s. Slowly it all turned around for me. It can for him.</p><p></p><p>I am in your corner. Just please dont fight over the pot. It is not going to change if you or M demands he not smoke pot.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 745587, member: 1550"] I think he has challenges like I did/do, that are/were masked by his verbal expertise and foreign language abilities. Until he is tested nobody knows what he truly can and cant do even if he tries hard or gets help. He doesnt seem to accept that he could need help yet and you cant make him. But you can demand to sit in and you can hear the results of the testing. This can be a lone expectation. What you learn may help you a lot even if only inside of you. I am a bit worried about.M and the pot. J will smoke pot. Period. M cant stop it nor can you and if he is on 20th he will still smoke it. If it were me I would drop the pot as an issue. Its unwinnable, he has a medical card for it and its legal in your state. This has to be one of those no expectation issues or it wont work. M has to go along with it or you two will fight and its not in my opinion worth it. J is certainly in a better environment near you than in the streets, pot or not. J may be doing the best he can. His memory could be impaired by the in utero drug abuse plus TBIs. Thats a lot of very real trauma applied to the brain. He may always need some help but he wont ever get it on the streets and will probably not want any right away with you either. He needs to feel worthwhile and valuable even if he is differently abled in some ways that hamper his functioning. Its hard. We dont want to feel like we cant do what everyone else does easily. I had to come to peace with these little invisible disabilities in spite of having some very bright, high achievers in my family of origin and in spite of also being shunned for being different (different seen in FOO as I am deliberately acting bad). This is the year I am finally wiping that off my brain. Although I dont expect YOU to believe in this or do it, I have an amazing psychic medium with amazing gifts and we had an appointment yesterday (stop laughing everyone!) I believe I spoke to my closest loved one who has passed on (I know, I know :)) but it helped push me even more towards acceptance. I waswtold to let go ofothe things thattI still hung onto. That it isnt my fault. Never was. It is not J's fault either, even if you dont believe in the afterlife. Seriously. It is not. Nor tour fault. I am 65. J is 30. It takes time. Time to accept hard things about ourselves. Eventually we realize though that we are still valuable and worthwhile! There is a lot of help and empowerment for anyone with invisible disabilities these days. Assuming he tests as deficient in some areas of function. It doesnt mean his life can not be great. My life is GREAT! Truly it is. J can have agreat life.....wife, kids, love. I didnt meet T until I was in my late 30s. Slowly it all turned around for me. It can for him. I am in your corner. Just please dont fight over the pot. It is not going to change if you or M demands he not smoke pot. Love and hugs! [/QUOTE]
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