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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745594" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>At first I was on board with the marijuana. Which is to say, I considered it to be his business. That was when he had a medical marijuana card, and pot was not yet legal here. He was living with me. At least on and off.</p><p></p><p>The problems arrived because of me: I always had the idea that I could influence him. Have some control. Incentivize or pressure him to change. That was before I came here to this forum. Even then, I tried way to long to hold onto the idea that I could have some influence. When I could not, I kicked him out. He never stabilized independently. That is why I bought that other house. It was very difficult to live together. I wanted a place where he could live, but not with me.</p><p></p><p>I don't remember how long ago I started fighting him about the pot. I guess it was when NOTHING we did had any effect upon his doing anything positive. (I understand I am applying my own value system here.) And over time, he lived in a drug-filled haze; more and more his whole world seemed to be pot. He got way worse with pot. Maybe it isn't pot's fault. Maybe he just got worse.</p><p></p><p>When people do this with alcohol we call them alcoholics. Mothers come here because their children drink too much; using alcohol to self-medicate. That's what my son does with weed.</p><p></p><p>Oh I do get it. We keep failing at this and I have to take responsibility to not keep repeating the same mistakes.</p><p></p><p>I think you hit on the answer, Tired. To tie in the marijuana with the brain injury. That could be the carrot for him to go to the neuropsychologist. When I googled marijuana and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) I saw many citations that said that marijuana benefited those with TBIs. I would tell my son that we could decide with the help of the psychologist. The other thing I am thinking of is to tell him that I would not charge rent if he agreed to use the money for therapy. But again, my default is to try to over-control.</p><p></p><p>The primary physician is easy to find out. It would either be on his ID card for insurance or he could call Blue Cross. This is where the distance complicates things greatly. I cannot help him over the distance. If he were to come home, he could switch to my doctor who is cooperative and I believe would help us with the neuropsychologist exam.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, he did write to say that he was buying his ticket to meet me tomorrow at a station 2 hours from him, and 35 minutes from me. Where I will be to go to a therapy appointment. I will only wait 20 minutes for his train. Maybe it will work.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much, Tired.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745594, member: 18958"] At first I was on board with the marijuana. Which is to say, I considered it to be his business. That was when he had a medical marijuana card, and pot was not yet legal here. He was living with me. At least on and off. The problems arrived because of me: I always had the idea that I could influence him. Have some control. Incentivize or pressure him to change. That was before I came here to this forum. Even then, I tried way to long to hold onto the idea that I could have some influence. When I could not, I kicked him out. He never stabilized independently. That is why I bought that other house. It was very difficult to live together. I wanted a place where he could live, but not with me. I don't remember how long ago I started fighting him about the pot. I guess it was when NOTHING we did had any effect upon his doing anything positive. (I understand I am applying my own value system here.) And over time, he lived in a drug-filled haze; more and more his whole world seemed to be pot. He got way worse with pot. Maybe it isn't pot's fault. Maybe he just got worse. When people do this with alcohol we call them alcoholics. Mothers come here because their children drink too much; using alcohol to self-medicate. That's what my son does with weed. Oh I do get it. We keep failing at this and I have to take responsibility to not keep repeating the same mistakes. I think you hit on the answer, Tired. To tie in the marijuana with the brain injury. That could be the carrot for him to go to the neuropsychologist. When I googled marijuana and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) I saw many citations that said that marijuana benefited those with TBIs. I would tell my son that we could decide with the help of the psychologist. The other thing I am thinking of is to tell him that I would not charge rent if he agreed to use the money for therapy. But again, my default is to try to over-control. The primary physician is easy to find out. It would either be on his ID card for insurance or he could call Blue Cross. This is where the distance complicates things greatly. I cannot help him over the distance. If he were to come home, he could switch to my doctor who is cooperative and I believe would help us with the neuropsychologist exam. Meanwhile, he did write to say that he was buying his ticket to meet me tomorrow at a station 2 hours from him, and 35 minutes from me. Where I will be to go to a therapy appointment. I will only wait 20 minutes for his train. Maybe it will work. Thank you very much, Tired. [/QUOTE]
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