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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745598" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is the painful truth. Thank you, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>OK. I will have an open mind. I will listen to him, and try to arrive at something that will work. A lot of the time J has not smoked marijuana in the house but outside in the yard. Maybe that could be the compromise.</p><p></p><p>Some of what Crayola writes is true. My son is slovenly. He does not clean up and when he does it is haphazard. </p><p></p><p>But the bottom line is this: he is disabled and he needs help. I love him and he loves me. As far as I know he does not use hard drugs, nor has he ever been violent. We are not the kind of people that turn our backs on each other, unless we have to, for survival. And we never give up.</p><p></p><p>I set a limit with J these past 5 months, because I needed to stand up for myself because I had never done so in my life. With anybody. I had to stand up for myself with my son, so that he would understand that there are boundaries and obligations in life and that I as his mother would insist that he do the right thing. I had to do that. For me, and for him.</p><p></p><p>But my son seems to be humbling himself somewhat. And I do not want to see him destroyed. Or broken. Although he feels broken. Which is greatly painful to me. I think he understands better now, that we have to work together. I hope so.</p><p></p><p>And the bottom line is there is another house. M will be 25 yards away, and M's brother in law too. Maybe M's brother in law can share the house if J occupies that. And I am 20 minutes away by bus, and a 10 minute drive away. There are options.</p><p></p><p>What I will not do is let J come back without a plan, by just showing up. At this point that is traumatizing to me. Thank you SWOT and everybody.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745598, member: 18958"] This is the painful truth. Thank you, SWOT. OK. I will have an open mind. I will listen to him, and try to arrive at something that will work. A lot of the time J has not smoked marijuana in the house but outside in the yard. Maybe that could be the compromise. Some of what Crayola writes is true. My son is slovenly. He does not clean up and when he does it is haphazard. But the bottom line is this: he is disabled and he needs help. I love him and he loves me. As far as I know he does not use hard drugs, nor has he ever been violent. We are not the kind of people that turn our backs on each other, unless we have to, for survival. And we never give up. I set a limit with J these past 5 months, because I needed to stand up for myself because I had never done so in my life. With anybody. I had to stand up for myself with my son, so that he would understand that there are boundaries and obligations in life and that I as his mother would insist that he do the right thing. I had to do that. For me, and for him. But my son seems to be humbling himself somewhat. And I do not want to see him destroyed. Or broken. Although he feels broken. Which is greatly painful to me. I think he understands better now, that we have to work together. I hope so. And the bottom line is there is another house. M will be 25 yards away, and M's brother in law too. Maybe M's brother in law can share the house if J occupies that. And I am 20 minutes away by bus, and a 10 minute drive away. There are options. What I will not do is let J come back without a plan, by just showing up. At this point that is traumatizing to me. Thank you SWOT and everybody. [/QUOTE]
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