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I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 745605" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is possible but unlikely that by the time he is 21 he will still be all ears. I know when we have young kids we believe our messages will resonate forever, but although it is smart to do as you are, I doubt it will work. I never partied either .</p><p>I have never been drunk in my life. Do you know what? I never met anyone else who has never been drunk in his or her life. It is obviously not common to never get drunk.</p><p></p><p>My youngest, in law enforcement, was such an easy child. Never even mouthed off. Didnt break rules.. we are very close</p><p></p><p>Her birthfather was in jail several times for drug crimes. Thankfully birthmother never took any drugs. I love birthmother still. But on the birthfathers side there is alcoholism and drugs. I gave my kid the same speech you are giving your son and also to my autistic son. I repeated their risk often.</p><p></p><p>My sweet daughter is naturally a very well behaved young woman of 22, engaged to a great guy, although she is/was also very popular with others (in high school she was prom queen) and nobody ever made fun of her for anything, least of all not smoking pot or drinking in her teens.</p><p></p><p>But when she turned 21 she did start drinking socially. It just doesnt happen that even the best kids dont take a social drink or smoke pot socially their entire lives. Daughter never smokes pot but drinks responsibly. She did not inherit her birthfather's alcoholism. She can control her drinking. I told her it was a risk for her to drink, but she took the risk and is fine. All of her friends have drinks in social situations and she does too. I would not call her a big drinker. She is not. But....</p><p></p><p>It is unrealistic to believe our even very nice adult kids, whether or not they are at risk and we think we prepared them, to think that they worry about it at 21 and never ever drink or smoke pot in their lives. Yes, they are at higher risk but not all become addicts. My daughter works in Corrections at our jail and gets drug tested. Alcohol counts. But at a party she will have a drink or two.</p><p></p><p>That is what I mean by not understanding adult kids. I can almost guarantee you that no matter how much you warn your kid while he is still young, he will drink sometimes and possibly smoke pot as an adult. May not be often. May not bother him.</p><p></p><p>Our adult kids dont really usually hang on to what we said (not all of it) and peers are far more influential than we are when they are adults....no matter what.</p><p></p><p>We had no liquor in our house. Except for my autistic son, my other three drink socially. What we say and do does not mean much if their peers do it when they are no longer so tied to us.</p><p></p><p>Thats why it is best to give advice when you have been there, raising a grown adult. It is way different and you will see when you get there. Until then it is beyond the imagination!!!</p><p></p><p>I have great kids, but they do things their way. As will your son. The older they are, the less your words matter. They love you to death but their lives are going to be 100 per cent their own. </p><p></p><p>Take it to the bank.</p><p></p><p>Much love and luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 745605, member: 1550"] It is possible but unlikely that by the time he is 21 he will still be all ears. I know when we have young kids we believe our messages will resonate forever, but although it is smart to do as you are, I doubt it will work. I never partied either . I have never been drunk in my life. Do you know what? I never met anyone else who has never been drunk in his or her life. It is obviously not common to never get drunk. My youngest, in law enforcement, was such an easy child. Never even mouthed off. Didnt break rules.. we are very close Her birthfather was in jail several times for drug crimes. Thankfully birthmother never took any drugs. I love birthmother still. But on the birthfathers side there is alcoholism and drugs. I gave my kid the same speech you are giving your son and also to my autistic son. I repeated their risk often. My sweet daughter is naturally a very well behaved young woman of 22, engaged to a great guy, although she is/was also very popular with others (in high school she was prom queen) and nobody ever made fun of her for anything, least of all not smoking pot or drinking in her teens. But when she turned 21 she did start drinking socially. It just doesnt happen that even the best kids dont take a social drink or smoke pot socially their entire lives. Daughter never smokes pot but drinks responsibly. She did not inherit her birthfather's alcoholism. She can control her drinking. I told her it was a risk for her to drink, but she took the risk and is fine. All of her friends have drinks in social situations and she does too. I would not call her a big drinker. She is not. But.... It is unrealistic to believe our even very nice adult kids, whether or not they are at risk and we think we prepared them, to think that they worry about it at 21 and never ever drink or smoke pot in their lives. Yes, they are at higher risk but not all become addicts. My daughter works in Corrections at our jail and gets drug tested. Alcohol counts. But at a party she will have a drink or two. That is what I mean by not understanding adult kids. I can almost guarantee you that no matter how much you warn your kid while he is still young, he will drink sometimes and possibly smoke pot as an adult. May not be often. May not bother him. Our adult kids dont really usually hang on to what we said (not all of it) and peers are far more influential than we are when they are adults....no matter what. We had no liquor in our house. Except for my autistic son, my other three drink socially. What we say and do does not mean much if their peers do it when they are no longer so tied to us. Thats why it is best to give advice when you have been there, raising a grown adult. It is way different and you will see when you get there. Until then it is beyond the imagination!!! I have great kids, but they do things their way. As will your son. The older they are, the less your words matter. They love you to death but their lives are going to be 100 per cent their own. Take it to the bank. Much love and luck! [/QUOTE]
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