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Parent Emeritus
I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="AppleCori" data-source="post: 745609" data-attributes="member: 16024"><p>My hubby used to say that the one thing he could count on with his older son was that he would never be a bad/neglectful parent. In his teen years, he worked at an after school program for young kids, and at a summer camp and talked with disdain about some of the bad parenting he saw.</p><p></p><p>Now, he is a neglectful parent who doesn’t pay child support, and has never done more than see his child when he (the child) is at Difficult Child’s mom’s house.</p><p></p><p>And the younger boy, if there is one thing we both were sure he wouldn’t do, it would be any type of drugs or cigarettes. He hated the way his older brother was when he took drugs. He hated smoking with a passion.</p><p></p><p>Now, he drinks (no worse than the average college student) and he vapes! I posted about this a while back. I was shocked. He was doing it in the house, despite his dad telling him he could not. Now, he no longer does it in the house, so I don’t know if he still vapes or not.</p><p></p><p>There are no guarantees in life.</p><p></p><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>If you allow your son back, I don’t think you can put any conditions on him. You tried several times, and he never complied. Nothing has changed as far as I can tell.</p><p></p><p>Not smoking in the house may or may not be something he would agree to, but even then, what are you going to do if he does it anyway?</p><p></p><p>You will be setting yourself up for failure.</p><p></p><p>A neuro appointment. would be nice, in theory, but the other condition is more important. And, you have been trying to get him to follow through with that for years, with little success. I wouldn’t recommend pushing this other idea. On the hierarchy of importance, the neuro is pretty low.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AppleCori, post: 745609, member: 16024"] My hubby used to say that the one thing he could count on with his older son was that he would never be a bad/neglectful parent. In his teen years, he worked at an after school program for young kids, and at a summer camp and talked with disdain about some of the bad parenting he saw. Now, he is a neglectful parent who doesn’t pay child support, and has never done more than see his child when he (the child) is at Difficult Child’s mom’s house. And the younger boy, if there is one thing we both were sure he wouldn’t do, it would be any type of drugs or cigarettes. He hated the way his older brother was when he took drugs. He hated smoking with a passion. Now, he drinks (no worse than the average college student) and he vapes! I posted about this a while back. I was shocked. He was doing it in the house, despite his dad telling him he could not. Now, he no longer does it in the house, so I don’t know if he still vapes or not. There are no guarantees in life. Copa, If you allow your son back, I don’t think you can put any conditions on him. You tried several times, and he never complied. Nothing has changed as far as I can tell. Not smoking in the house may or may not be something he would agree to, but even then, what are you going to do if he does it anyway? You will be setting yourself up for failure. A neuro appointment. would be nice, in theory, but the other condition is more important. And, you have been trying to get him to follow through with that for years, with little success. I wouldn’t recommend pushing this other idea. On the hierarchy of importance, the neuro is pretty low. [/QUOTE]
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