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Parent Emeritus
I am sad and desperate and hopeless again
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 745718" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Copa- I have gone through similar situations with my daughter and I have responded much as you have. Over the years I have found that when I just leave something alone and stop mentioning it she usually does it after awhile. I can't tell you the number of times this has happened. I harped on her for years to quit drinking, she refused. When I just stopped talking about it, she stopped drinking. She had the worst boyfriend who treated her horribly. I b*tched about him and tried to explain how she could have a better life without him and she ignored me. When I quit talking about what a jerk he was she finally left him for good. Here's my take on this, and I could be completely wrong, but this is what I think. I think she is so determined to NOT do what I suggest that it reinforces the behavior I am trying to stop. She is so hell-bent on being her own, independent person that she just digs her heels in. I also think a she see a grain of truth in what I am saying and a seed is planted. So when I relieve the pressure she then does what she knows will improve her life. That doesn't mean I never do it, I sometimes still try to push my agenda on her. But I just find it interesting that this is how it works out usually. I hope you are finding some peace. I know how horrible this must be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 745718, member: 11235"] Copa- I have gone through similar situations with my daughter and I have responded much as you have. Over the years I have found that when I just leave something alone and stop mentioning it she usually does it after awhile. I can't tell you the number of times this has happened. I harped on her for years to quit drinking, she refused. When I just stopped talking about it, she stopped drinking. She had the worst boyfriend who treated her horribly. I b*tched about him and tried to explain how she could have a better life without him and she ignored me. When I quit talking about what a jerk he was she finally left him for good. Here's my take on this, and I could be completely wrong, but this is what I think. I think she is so determined to NOT do what I suggest that it reinforces the behavior I am trying to stop. She is so hell-bent on being her own, independent person that she just digs her heels in. I also think a she see a grain of truth in what I am saying and a seed is planted. So when I relieve the pressure she then does what she knows will improve her life. That doesn't mean I never do it, I sometimes still try to push my agenda on her. But I just find it interesting that this is how it works out usually. I hope you are finding some peace. I know how horrible this must be. [/QUOTE]
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