Desperately Sad
Member
hi There,
This is my first time on this forum, and I have been reading posts about other peoples struggles and have found it to be very helpful.
I am hoping for some advice about my 19 (nearly 20) year old son. He is suffering from severe depression, but refuses to accept any help. Looking back now I think that his depression has been coming on for a few years, but came to a head when in June this year he had a toxic relationship with a girl, which ended very badly, and he became very very depressed. At the time he pushed me away from giving him any help, he just wanted to be left alone, and said if I called anyone, he would disappear. He was suicidal and kept disappearing in the middle of the night, going out all hours for hours on end with no way to contact him, Once he came home drunk and had been sleeping in a field whilst pouring with rain. He told me that he stood on railway bridges and thought of jumping off... Anyway I tried and tried to help being here for him and offering to pay for a counsellor, said I would go with him to the doctor etc. Initally he refused ANY help, although eventually he reached out to me and I then could start to help him. I gave him a lift to the doctors and he tried 4 times to get on anti-depressants, but the made him violently sick so he refused (and still does) to go back on them. I found him a lovely counsellor which I paid for that I thought he would get on with, and he did go to see him as often as he wanted, and I think that he found this helpful. However after accepting my help for a while he would then push me away again. I took him to A & E after hurting his hand after punching a door repeatedly, and as soon as we arrived he told to to go, and leave him there at 3am in the morning with no way to get home, and no phone to call anyone. After protesting and offering to sit in the car I eventually pushed a £20 note in his hand for a taxi cab. This change of heart is totally out of the blue, I tread on egg shells whenever I talk to him for fear of saying something wrong. Although I always have told him I am always here for him and Love him.
Anyway for a while things settled and although still depressed seemed to move on with his life, this September he started University and i was hoping this would be the new start he needed. However a couple of weeks ago he told me he was still feeling depressed and said a few worrying things, however he told me that he was happier at Uni than at home, so I took this as a positive step. Then 3 weeks ago I sent him a text to ask him if he was keeping warm, and got a long list of verbal abuse, totally out of the blue... saying he hated everyone and everything including Uni, friends and me. That he wants to die and be alone forever etc etc. I told him I was here for him if he ever wanted to talk and that I loved him (ignoring all the abuse) I offered to go and visit him and or go with him to see a dr. He told me he didn't want to see anyone including me, and that he wants to be left alone in no uncertain terms. I left him in peace, but did contact the Uni confidentially and said that I was worried about him etc. the lovely lady said that she would keep an eye open for him to see if he was going to lectures etc.
Roll on a couple of weeks and xmas looming I sent him a text asking when he would like us to pick him up etc. ... he ignored me. Then last night he sent me a string of messages saying that he HAD to leave uni at xmas( which is not true as the Student support officer said that it was possible to stay but no food or facilities to cook were available) but that he didn't want to see anyone didn't want presents, etc etc etc. I said that no questions would be asked and that he could be left alone if he came home, however he has now decided Not to come home and to stay alone at uni with no- one and no food.
I am so so so desperately sad, whatever I said,however I tried, he just pushes me away, I tell him, he can do as he pleases and have the space that he wants, that I love him and the door is always open and just say the word if he changes his mind I can pick him up. Said to him he is an adult and as such can choose to do as he pleases. I told him this in an email along with saying that I am always here for him, and Love him deeply.
I feel helpless, I can think of nothing else to do, I am sooooooo sad and unhappy I feel that I have let him down, I cannot eat, sleep and am going out of my mind.
I spend all my time wondering what I did wrong? , how could this man who had a loving stable family with all the support have become so screwed up> I keep thinking where I went wrong and what I can do to fix the situation. I am so so so so unhappy and now ontop of everything, I have to put on a brave face for Christmas
This is my first time on this forum, and I have been reading posts about other peoples struggles and have found it to be very helpful.
I am hoping for some advice about my 19 (nearly 20) year old son. He is suffering from severe depression, but refuses to accept any help. Looking back now I think that his depression has been coming on for a few years, but came to a head when in June this year he had a toxic relationship with a girl, which ended very badly, and he became very very depressed. At the time he pushed me away from giving him any help, he just wanted to be left alone, and said if I called anyone, he would disappear. He was suicidal and kept disappearing in the middle of the night, going out all hours for hours on end with no way to contact him, Once he came home drunk and had been sleeping in a field whilst pouring with rain. He told me that he stood on railway bridges and thought of jumping off... Anyway I tried and tried to help being here for him and offering to pay for a counsellor, said I would go with him to the doctor etc. Initally he refused ANY help, although eventually he reached out to me and I then could start to help him. I gave him a lift to the doctors and he tried 4 times to get on anti-depressants, but the made him violently sick so he refused (and still does) to go back on them. I found him a lovely counsellor which I paid for that I thought he would get on with, and he did go to see him as often as he wanted, and I think that he found this helpful. However after accepting my help for a while he would then push me away again. I took him to A & E after hurting his hand after punching a door repeatedly, and as soon as we arrived he told to to go, and leave him there at 3am in the morning with no way to get home, and no phone to call anyone. After protesting and offering to sit in the car I eventually pushed a £20 note in his hand for a taxi cab. This change of heart is totally out of the blue, I tread on egg shells whenever I talk to him for fear of saying something wrong. Although I always have told him I am always here for him and Love him.
Anyway for a while things settled and although still depressed seemed to move on with his life, this September he started University and i was hoping this would be the new start he needed. However a couple of weeks ago he told me he was still feeling depressed and said a few worrying things, however he told me that he was happier at Uni than at home, so I took this as a positive step. Then 3 weeks ago I sent him a text to ask him if he was keeping warm, and got a long list of verbal abuse, totally out of the blue... saying he hated everyone and everything including Uni, friends and me. That he wants to die and be alone forever etc etc. I told him I was here for him if he ever wanted to talk and that I loved him (ignoring all the abuse) I offered to go and visit him and or go with him to see a dr. He told me he didn't want to see anyone including me, and that he wants to be left alone in no uncertain terms. I left him in peace, but did contact the Uni confidentially and said that I was worried about him etc. the lovely lady said that she would keep an eye open for him to see if he was going to lectures etc.
Roll on a couple of weeks and xmas looming I sent him a text asking when he would like us to pick him up etc. ... he ignored me. Then last night he sent me a string of messages saying that he HAD to leave uni at xmas( which is not true as the Student support officer said that it was possible to stay but no food or facilities to cook were available) but that he didn't want to see anyone didn't want presents, etc etc etc. I said that no questions would be asked and that he could be left alone if he came home, however he has now decided Not to come home and to stay alone at uni with no- one and no food.
I am so so so desperately sad, whatever I said,however I tried, he just pushes me away, I tell him, he can do as he pleases and have the space that he wants, that I love him and the door is always open and just say the word if he changes his mind I can pick him up. Said to him he is an adult and as such can choose to do as he pleases. I told him this in an email along with saying that I am always here for him, and Love him deeply.
I feel helpless, I can think of nothing else to do, I am sooooooo sad and unhappy I feel that I have let him down, I cannot eat, sleep and am going out of my mind.
I spend all my time wondering what I did wrong? , how could this man who had a loving stable family with all the support have become so screwed up> I keep thinking where I went wrong and what I can do to fix the situation. I am so so so so unhappy and now ontop of everything, I have to put on a brave face for Christmas