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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631519" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It was, in my opinion, an interesting e-mail. To say the least, he is mired in maybe the early teen years when you feel it is your right to hang out and have fun. He has not yet figured out that life isn't about having fun all the time and driving a car you aren't paying for..it's about moving on to adulthood and learning to be responsible and to take care of your own needs. His constant talk about hanging out and using the car and having fun does not make sense with adulthood. There is a time to work, a time to do what has to be done if you like it or not, and a time to have a good time on your own dime and with your own paid for car. He desperately needs to understand he is not a child anymore and I feel so sorry for you having to deal with this mindset.</p><p></p><p>I have learned simple, concise responses that can not be made into arguments such as, "I am sorry you feel that way. Once you have a job you will have more options about what to do. You are a smart man and I know it will happen." Maybe even that is too much. Maybe "I hope you can change your life" is a better answer.</p><p></p><p>I do know I learned not to overly engage my now 36 year old son. If he complains about his life, I mostly just let the time pass after he says it or respond, "You're a smart man and I'm sure you can work it out without me."</p><p></p><p>My 36 year old son wants a mommy. He, by his own words, is a momma's boy. He has always wanted me to continue being his mommy. I don't mean his mother. I mean his mommy. And for too long I sort of did it. But those days are over now and I'm done being anyone's mommy. I will happily be a friend and mother with an adult mature relationship with all of my adult children, but I have already done my time taking care of them. Maybe you need to ramp it down even more.</p><p></p><p>PS--I am convinced that anyone who really wants and needs a job gets one. And not off of Craig's list. There are temporary job agencies that will place you and sometimes they become permanent. There are job rehabilitation centers that help those having trouble write resumes and find jobs. There are ads everywhere, even some on billboards of fast food joints. In the meantime, to make a few bucks, you can mow lawns, do little chores for the elderly, or babysit, if you are fit to do so. I was told, in between jobs, to volunteer and I did almost every day. THAT counts as job experience. Showing you are being productive is enticing to somebody looking to hire somebody. Gaming and hanging out is not. You also need to pass a drug test for many jobs.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs for you and may things get better and better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631519, member: 1550"] It was, in my opinion, an interesting e-mail. To say the least, he is mired in maybe the early teen years when you feel it is your right to hang out and have fun. He has not yet figured out that life isn't about having fun all the time and driving a car you aren't paying for..it's about moving on to adulthood and learning to be responsible and to take care of your own needs. His constant talk about hanging out and using the car and having fun does not make sense with adulthood. There is a time to work, a time to do what has to be done if you like it or not, and a time to have a good time on your own dime and with your own paid for car. He desperately needs to understand he is not a child anymore and I feel so sorry for you having to deal with this mindset. I have learned simple, concise responses that can not be made into arguments such as, "I am sorry you feel that way. Once you have a job you will have more options about what to do. You are a smart man and I know it will happen." Maybe even that is too much. Maybe "I hope you can change your life" is a better answer. I do know I learned not to overly engage my now 36 year old son. If he complains about his life, I mostly just let the time pass after he says it or respond, "You're a smart man and I'm sure you can work it out without me." My 36 year old son wants a mommy. He, by his own words, is a momma's boy. He has always wanted me to continue being his mommy. I don't mean his mother. I mean his mommy. And for too long I sort of did it. But those days are over now and I'm done being anyone's mommy. I will happily be a friend and mother with an adult mature relationship with all of my adult children, but I have already done my time taking care of them. Maybe you need to ramp it down even more. PS--I am convinced that anyone who really wants and needs a job gets one. And not off of Craig's list. There are temporary job agencies that will place you and sometimes they become permanent. There are job rehabilitation centers that help those having trouble write resumes and find jobs. There are ads everywhere, even some on billboards of fast food joints. In the meantime, to make a few bucks, you can mow lawns, do little chores for the elderly, or babysit, if you are fit to do so. I was told, in between jobs, to volunteer and I did almost every day. THAT counts as job experience. Showing you are being productive is enticing to somebody looking to hire somebody. Gaming and hanging out is not. You also need to pass a drug test for many jobs. Many hugs for you and may things get better and better. [/QUOTE]
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