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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 751195" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Ist there any history of alcoholism/addiction of any kind in your family? I am asking because I am learning more and more that often the problem is untreated alcoholism and the professionals have no treatment protocols for it .</p><p></p><p>What I mean by untreated alcoholism are the isms of the disease: the restlessness, the discontent, the irritability, and the cognitive distortions (like black and white thinking, minimization, negative spiraling - Google these) . The allergy to alcohol that accompanies this disease in alcoholics is just a symptom, one that does not have to be present. Alcohol is not the problem , it is the alcoholic's solution to deal with the feelings that result from the disease.</p><p></p><p>My daughter did therapy for years and got worse not better, has been on 4 anti depressants none of which worked , then convinced therapist and psychiatrist she had bipolar based on some things she did at college she felt shame about, and was put on mood stabilizer which also did not work. She is also reluctant to try another therapist as she has been through so much at 21 . And I believe she has untreated alcoholism. She has some addictive behaviors like self injury and eating disorders . That is why I think she hasn't been able to get help from conventional psychological care .</p><p></p><p>Both , myself and her Father are Alcoholics / addicts in recovery for over 25 years and I think both of my kids were genetically exposed to the disease. Of course, my controlling and dependency creating parenting did not help matters at all .</p><p></p><p>Alcoholism is a spiritual malady. And the only treatment that works long-term that I know of is a 12 step program. Your son could try Alateen if there is alcoholism in your family .</p><p></p><p>The fact that your son blames you for everything is a sign that he has learned helplessness and isnt taking responsibility for his actions .when we point the finger at someone, we have 3 pointing back at us.</p><p></p><p>Things improved in our home when I stopped accepting blame .I just cut it off and say I no longer accept blame and walk away. Because the bottom line is no matter how bad my parenting may have been , my son and daughter are adults now and responsible for their own lives. We can overcome anything, we can teach ourselves what our parents couldn't give us when we were Young, and my life is up to me.</p><p></p><p>He is still a minor, so make him get a job, make him pay for all of his incidentals, help with the logistics of his own car, but let him make the payments, pay for insurance and gas. When he turns 18 charge rent . We have to break the cycle of created dependence by pushing for independence .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 751195, member: 24254"] Ist there any history of alcoholism/addiction of any kind in your family? I am asking because I am learning more and more that often the problem is untreated alcoholism and the professionals have no treatment protocols for it . What I mean by untreated alcoholism are the isms of the disease: the restlessness, the discontent, the irritability, and the cognitive distortions (like black and white thinking, minimization, negative spiraling - Google these) . The allergy to alcohol that accompanies this disease in alcoholics is just a symptom, one that does not have to be present. Alcohol is not the problem , it is the alcoholic's solution to deal with the feelings that result from the disease. My daughter did therapy for years and got worse not better, has been on 4 anti depressants none of which worked , then convinced therapist and psychiatrist she had bipolar based on some things she did at college she felt shame about, and was put on mood stabilizer which also did not work. She is also reluctant to try another therapist as she has been through so much at 21 . And I believe she has untreated alcoholism. She has some addictive behaviors like self injury and eating disorders . That is why I think she hasn't been able to get help from conventional psychological care . Both , myself and her Father are Alcoholics / addicts in recovery for over 25 years and I think both of my kids were genetically exposed to the disease. Of course, my controlling and dependency creating parenting did not help matters at all . Alcoholism is a spiritual malady. And the only treatment that works long-term that I know of is a 12 step program. Your son could try Alateen if there is alcoholism in your family . The fact that your son blames you for everything is a sign that he has learned helplessness and isnt taking responsibility for his actions .when we point the finger at someone, we have 3 pointing back at us. Things improved in our home when I stopped accepting blame .I just cut it off and say I no longer accept blame and walk away. Because the bottom line is no matter how bad my parenting may have been , my son and daughter are adults now and responsible for their own lives. We can overcome anything, we can teach ourselves what our parents couldn't give us when we were Young, and my life is up to me. He is still a minor, so make him get a job, make him pay for all of his incidentals, help with the logistics of his own car, but let him make the payments, pay for insurance and gas. When he turns 18 charge rent . We have to break the cycle of created dependence by pushing for independence . [/QUOTE]
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