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Failure to Thrive
I need some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 759475" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Dear Zopdrop,</p><p>I’m so sorry for your loss. You are going through so much right now. It’s hard enough to deal with the grief of losing your husband without the added worry of your son.</p><p></p><p>I can definitely relate to you not wanting your son to move back in with you - I was the same with my son. Once they leave and we experience the peace that brings, it’s natural not to want to go back.</p><p></p><p>You are vulnerable right now and I would urge you not to give in to him, no matter how hard it is. He is an adult now, and it is up to him to make good choices. I know this sounds harsh, and I completely understand your desire to help, but you deserve peace and security in your life.</p><p></p><p>It’s a difficult time for you right now and I imagine hard to make decisions. I would comfort myself with the knowledge that he is not on the streets, he has shelter for the moment, so he is reasonably safe for the time being.</p><p></p><p>The sad fact is, there is really nothing you can do unless he chooses to seek help himself. Any assistance you offer will be wasted unless he is ready to make changes. Nothing you can do will fix this. Only he can do that.</p><p></p><p>I can’t offer any wisdom on the mental health services situation. I’m in Australia and our health system is different. Because my son is an adult, I have no right to information about his treatment and cannot seek out treatment for him (which is possibly the same in the US.) The best I can do is encourage my son to seek treatment and that advice usually falls on deaf ears. Sometimes my son seeks help of his own accord and when that happens things improve, but he inevitably stops treatment and the cycle starts again. After much help from this message board, I have learned that this is his choice and out of my control. I can love him and let him know I am here for him when he chooses to seek help for his issues, but I can’t solve his problems for him.</p><p></p><p>I want you to know you are not alone. There are many of us here who have experienced similar issues to you. Keep posting here. It truly helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 759475, member: 24721"] Dear Zopdrop, I’m so sorry for your loss. You are going through so much right now. It’s hard enough to deal with the grief of losing your husband without the added worry of your son. I can definitely relate to you not wanting your son to move back in with you - I was the same with my son. Once they leave and we experience the peace that brings, it’s natural not to want to go back. You are vulnerable right now and I would urge you not to give in to him, no matter how hard it is. He is an adult now, and it is up to him to make good choices. I know this sounds harsh, and I completely understand your desire to help, but you deserve peace and security in your life. It’s a difficult time for you right now and I imagine hard to make decisions. I would comfort myself with the knowledge that he is not on the streets, he has shelter for the moment, so he is reasonably safe for the time being. The sad fact is, there is really nothing you can do unless he chooses to seek help himself. Any assistance you offer will be wasted unless he is ready to make changes. Nothing you can do will fix this. Only he can do that. I can’t offer any wisdom on the mental health services situation. I’m in Australia and our health system is different. Because my son is an adult, I have no right to information about his treatment and cannot seek out treatment for him (which is possibly the same in the US.) The best I can do is encourage my son to seek treatment and that advice usually falls on deaf ears. Sometimes my son seeks help of his own accord and when that happens things improve, but he inevitably stops treatment and the cycle starts again. After much help from this message board, I have learned that this is his choice and out of my control. I can love him and let him know I am here for him when he chooses to seek help for his issues, but I can’t solve his problems for him. I want you to know you are not alone. There are many of us here who have experienced similar issues to you. Keep posting here. It truly helps. [/QUOTE]
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