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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762707" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Hugs. We ALL have adult kids like your son who abuse us and my daughter also liked to near miss throw dangerous items at us. </p><p></p><p>When she almost hit my son with a glass vase we decided she can't come back. No way. But we enabled her for ten years, which only made her more entitled and meaner. She did not seek out help. She did not benefit from our giving her a free pass for her domestic abuse of us, which is what their behavior is. There us no excuse for their abuse even if it's caused by mental illness or substance abuse. There is the option of getting help/getting clean. They just don't want to do it and we can't make them. We normally would mot accept this behavior from a spouse (although some actually do not leave abusive spouses). We learn to see chaos as the norm and we also allow our sick adult children to guilt us into compliance of their demands. "You crappy mother" is powerful although it's not true. They learn to use it. And we bring them home where things almost always get worse and buy them stuff and hand out money. in my opinion we need to get the picture of them as small children out of our heads. They are adults. They do not need mommies. I took down every child picture of Kay to remember she is in her 30s.</p><p></p><p>We have learned to let go. I think its easier to do if your faith in a higher power is strong. Mine is. I told myself that God is more powerful than me....I gave Kay to God. He can oversee her better than me. I have neglected my other loved ones and myself for long enough. I won't do it anymore. Kay is no better even after all our "help." If she ever gets healthy it will be because she decided to get healthy, not because of myself and putting up with her inappropriate behavior. I like the peace that the rest of us in the family now share.</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend Nar Anon. We have Zoom meetings now...you can find them on the internet. Therapy is good too. </p><p></p><p>Prayers and love sent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762707, member: 1550"] Hi there. Hugs. We ALL have adult kids like your son who abuse us and my daughter also liked to near miss throw dangerous items at us. When she almost hit my son with a glass vase we decided she can't come back. No way. But we enabled her for ten years, which only made her more entitled and meaner. She did not seek out help. She did not benefit from our giving her a free pass for her domestic abuse of us, which is what their behavior is. There us no excuse for their abuse even if it's caused by mental illness or substance abuse. There is the option of getting help/getting clean. They just don't want to do it and we can't make them. We normally would mot accept this behavior from a spouse (although some actually do not leave abusive spouses). We learn to see chaos as the norm and we also allow our sick adult children to guilt us into compliance of their demands. "You crappy mother" is powerful although it's not true. They learn to use it. And we bring them home where things almost always get worse and buy them stuff and hand out money. in my opinion we need to get the picture of them as small children out of our heads. They are adults. They do not need mommies. I took down every child picture of Kay to remember she is in her 30s. We have learned to let go. I think its easier to do if your faith in a higher power is strong. Mine is. I told myself that God is more powerful than me....I gave Kay to God. He can oversee her better than me. I have neglected my other loved ones and myself for long enough. I won't do it anymore. Kay is no better even after all our "help." If she ever gets healthy it will be because she decided to get healthy, not because of myself and putting up with her inappropriate behavior. I like the peace that the rest of us in the family now share. I highly recommend Nar Anon. We have Zoom meetings now...you can find them on the internet. Therapy is good too. Prayers and love sent. [/QUOTE]
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