Thank you so much for responding to me
You are SO RIGHT about me asking why. I do it all the time and it is my biggest hurdle. Accepting what is is also my biggest hurdle. I am the helper, the giver, and his mom. What I have realized since saying no to coming back is I have never done this before. I think when we initially told him to leave he really thought we would let him back in after the summer....... I think about my own life - and so many other teens life - we all make our way and do what we have to do. He has not "had" to do it but hopefully now he will realize nobody is going to do it for him. Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of bad behavior. It has been bad and until we really say NO, he will not be forced to figure it out. And the other important point you made is my addiction to helping my son! YES you are so right about this. He has told me he is NEVER quitting because this is his lifestyle. Well, we don't have to live with his lifestyle anymore and it is eerily quiet. My husband and other son can do what we want to do without the other son's chaos - it was chaos all the time and I felt so resentful for the last 2 years. It was SO HARD for him to accept no for an answer, I just did stuff that he asked so I didn't have to deal with his reaction and attitude. My husband gets really tired of talking about this over and over again. He is able to completely let go and go about his life. I do keep bringing it up, and needing support to reframe my thoughts. So I sooooooo appreciate your insight and I really do need to read it over and over again.
I am so proud that you have done the work and you keep doing the work by helping newbies like me.......I will help others too when I finally get to a place of peace around this
