I poked the bear...

[ksm]

Things had been going pretty good since Difficult Child moved out. Except for the part where she would co e back and clean up here room and take her things to new location. For the last two weeks, she has been promising to clear it out. First when her older brother was coming for a visit...then when our Holland friends came for a visit...then it was when she wasn't busy working...then it was when she didn't have plans for her days off. So far, in the last 5 days, she has worked about 8 hours. Today she called and said she couldn't come over, because she was floating down the river in an inner tube with friends. We told her we were going to be boxing things up and taking it to my sons house, where she is living (when she isn't spending nights at friends). Today we loaded up the van with about 6 boxes, and clothes on hangers and drove to her place. Her car was there, but no one answered the door. Had husband call and she answered, and told her to open the front door. I guess we woke her up. She was grouchy. Didn't help carry anything. I carried in all her hang up clothes, and husband put boxes in the garage. Then she came up and yelled at me that I had said she could leave her winter clothes at our house. I told her she should have come and organized her clothes. Then she stomped off.

Now I have to try and get make up off the walls! Instead of using a tissue, she just wiped her fingers on the light bright wall or the white woodwork!! Smears of mascara!

We have a month long exchange student coming in 3 weeks. We have to get this cleaned up! I have thrown away bags of trash.

I probably won't hear from her for a while... Until she needs something. KSM

 

[Tanya M]

I would like to think she appreciates how nice you are being by boxing up her stuff and taking it to her. So sorry you had to experience that.
Gee, floating down the river on a tube, not a care in the world. I wonder what that's like

For the mascara on the walls, you might try makeup remover.

Good luck!

 

[Ironbutterfly]

KSM you and hubby did good. She was dragging her feet in taking care of her things. I would love to be able to work 8 hrs a week and be able to spend the rest of the days floating down the river. YOU were both too nice- I probably would of unloaded her crap in the driveway and took off.

 

[Albatross]

I agree with IB, KSM. Those boxes would have flown out of my car so fast it would look live a drive-by.

 

[New Leaf]

I am with the drive-by............

 

[ksm]

the bear is still grumpy... She called, was at a friends house 3 blocks away and locked out of her car. Luckily, when she got the car, I made her get two spare keys, one for here, one for where she lives and the one she uses. After she got the key, she stopped by here to return it (yea!) then to give me her sad story... She was asking about a jar she had in her room, that had spare change. Seems she is out of gas. Has to work tomorrow. Her friend had an emergency so she had to drive quite a ways to pick her up. Friend will pitch in for gas, but not til payday. Yada yada yada. I called husband and he remembered putting it in a box in her garage.

So I gave her a $10... Told her next time, not to get her nails done. She practically screamed she wasn't going to. But she had...a week ago...she didn't want to hear it. I told her $ came with a price tag...if I am loaning money, I expect the person to be polite and listen to advice. It comes attached to the money.

I think she is frustrated, only a couple of weeks, and it's isn't all fun and games. Her friend changed jobs, worked three days, and then quit the new job. Difficult Child's hours have been cut back. She is still planning on looking for a second job, or a different one with more hours.

Good thing my care package I fixed for her 18th birthday was still here at the house, Ramen, Mac and cheese, animal crackers, etc...

KSM

 

[Copabanana]

KSM, I am adding my voice in praise of how well, calmly and generously you and husband handled the bear, I mean, dear daughter.

I want to say something hopeful. So many of our kids grow up having to face recollections of trauma, recognition of their abandonment by parents, and the need to integrate this awareness into adult identities.

It makes it even harder that your dear daughters/my son/and others have had parents/grandparents who fiercely love them--and because they are now biologically adults, if not quite legal ones, must turn away--often violently so, from the nurture and safety represented by people like you.

For many years my son rejected me completely. It was as if the deepest love curdled to hatred. It was almost a decade of this. And now, at 27, he is back. He has many, perhaps most of the same problems, but I can see and feel his love for me, as he can feel mine for him.

I guess I am trying to say that the grace with which you are doing this--allowing her to roar and hibernate and to bat at you, within reason--will pay off by making it easier for her to come around, in time.

I was quite wounded by it all. Looking back, I am wondering why.

I have grown so much here.

 

[Tanya M]

told her $ came with a price tag...if I am loaning money, I expect the person to be polite and listen to advice. It comes attached to the money.

So true! I was always left dumbfounded by my son when I would give and give and give some more and he had no problem taking it but as soon as I started giving advice he would blow a gasket.

Difficult Child's hours have been cut back. She is still planning on looking for a second job, or a different one with more hours.

This is hopeful. It will be good if she follows through and is able to find something that offers more hours.