I won't give up

[New Leaf]

To my beautiful gifts from God

You were sent to me
a blessing
from above
to teach me
how infinitely
I could
love.
I held you tenderly
to my breast
and felt our hearts
beat as one.
You filled me up
in every way
and I am thankful
to this day
for the gift of you.

Through the struggles
these past years
I have shed many
tears
been tangled up
with my worst fears
of what you had become.

Lost in time
lost in ways
seems as if
in a daze.
Tried and tried
to reach out.
Weary eyed
bleary eyed
all cried out.

Looking back..,,
all my
attempts
in vain
to get my daughters
home again
did not help them
did not help me

Desperate
on bended knee
I made a humble
anguished plea
"Dear God
please help me see
what all of this
means"

Softly, he whispered
with the winds
and trees
You did the best
with all your heart
made mistakes
it's true
you did the best job
you could do
hold your head up
look up
look up

I only loaned them
for awhile.

Now you must
give them
back to me
give them their wings
and set them free
for in your heart of hearts you know
that they must on their own path go
stumble, fall, learn and see
their own endless possibilities

Letting go
does not mean
giving up

you are
giving in
to what must be
giving them
back to me

as our children
walk their path
they will learn....

"'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find"

I'll continue on to pray
that my girls find a brighter day
I will look up to say
Thank you Lord
for all you have given me
With deep faith I set them free
for they are yours
and as they go their way
please
look after my girls

And I will learn to live
to breath
to find my
endless possibilities
and find my own
peace within
I will look up
I will look up
and
I won't give up.

 

[New Leaf]

In the deep unfathomable pain
of letting go
this loving detachment
I have felt at times
is a giving up.

In giving in to a higher power
not giving in
to addictions whims
I have learned
they must find themselves
as I must find myself

It is not easy,
but hard
is a lesson,
change is
a lesson.

In giving in to a higher power
I have accepted
what is.
On the road
to self discovery
we go our separate ways.

One day there is a chance
by providence
or happenstance
we may
come together again
or not.

In this I know,
taking them in
has not let them grow,
to see the choices
that they make
the chances that they take
are all their own.

I have not given up
on them
I have not given up
on me

I have set us all
free.

 

[in a daze]

That was beautiful!

 

[ksm]

Beautiful words and feelings. Did you write the poems? I am familiar with the song and love it's message. So hard to look up sometimes...
KSM

 

[New Leaf]

Beautiful words and feelings. Did you write the poems? I am familiar with the song and love it's message. So hard to look up sometimes...
KSM

Thank you ksm and daze. Yes I did write the poems, it is a part of me that just kind of comes out.....
In my struggle to find peace in the difficulty of dealing with all of this, there are times when there is an emptiness.
I have my faith, work and activities.
Yet there are moments when the joy mixed with the pain of memories come flooding in, there is a despair in not knowing how the ones I love are faring, the uncertainty, the searching for answers. Sometimes there are no answers, just the real, raw, undeniable truth of it all.
This is when my faith and resolve are put to the test.
So, I have to remind myself to look up. To keep my head up and keep on going.
I have to remind myself that no matter what I have done, or what I do, the reality, is that each of my children have to take responsibility for their decisions and choices and live their lives.
I have to remember that I need to take time for me, to yes,
break down under the weight of it all and then to look up,
to rebuild.
We here, are all faced with the impossible.
The struggle.
Each and every one of us has a situation that is unique.
There are times, when it is so frustrating.
I am so very thankful to have this place to come to and see the strength in the souls that are here.
As I walk through this journey, I am thankful to have faith in a higher power.
So when it seems there is no end to the sadness,
I can look up.
It is hard, at times.
In the end all,
it is up to me to build my future, to live my life.
I have no control over what my d cs choose.
I have to learn how to fill the emptiness of it all.
To stop feeling as my d cs would have me feel, that I gave up.
The line in the song-
I've got to learn what I've got, what I'm not, and who I am
is so simple, but rings true for me.
I've got to learn what I've got, what I'm not, and who I am.
To pick myself up by the bootstraps and see what this is for what it is-
another passage in life in all of its complexities.
In the end of it all, when I am able to look back in retrospect,
how I responded and traveled my path, my faith is the thing I've got.
What I am not, is-
I am not in control over how others act,
including my d cs.
Who I am? I am still finding that out.

The song is very beautiful, isn't it? There is such hope in it. It reminds me, in the throes of it all
that my d cs in all of the craziness, are searching for who they are. If I keep picking up the pieces for them, how will they learn to rely on themselves? How will they learn what they've got, who they are not, and who they are? How will they learn "how to bend, without the world, caving in?"

I am very grateful to be able to come to CD and share, and see the light and incredible strength and grace of folks who are here.

How do we all do it? One day at a time, one step at a time.
Good day to you folks, in the difficulties of your lives, I hope that you find peace within, and time to look up.
leafy

 

[New Leaf]

To my dearest beloved eldest daughter,

You came to me
the other day
disheveled and broken
hurt and ashamed
yet
still looking
for someone to blame.

I hugged you long
and hard
and felt your
sorrowed soul
with my heart.

Brought you in
to clean up
and breathe.

I took
a deep breath
held
back tears
and asked
if you had
had enough,
said your road
does not have
to be so rough.

You could
not even
meet
my eyes
then walked
away
under
cloud filled skies.

How I
would love
to
take you in
try to fix
the
jam
your'e
in.

Daughter so lost,
I cannot win.

You need
to
see
the need for help.

Lord please hear me now
soothe my soul
and furrowed brow

Take her in
your loving arms
please Lord
keep her from harm

Help her through
meths blindness see
How much she truly
means to me
means to
herself
means
to
You

Hardest thing
to let her go
from her path
she needs to grow.

Calm my spirit
my heart
to know
that this
is
truth
and
love.

I pray thee Lord above.

leafy

 

[Kalahou]

New Leaf
Your words are makana makamae o ke aloha ~ for your daughter(s) and for all of us.
Very beautiful ~ Mahalo

 

[New Leaf]

Mahalo Kalahou,
In between the rays of sunshine, rains fall, the wind blows, trees bend.
Without darkness, would we view the stars?
Would we know pure joy, with absence of sorrow?
For each tearful sigh
We are blessed
with many more moments
of breath taking beauty.
Ka la Hou, the new day
and a promised tomorrow.

leafy

 

[Kalahou]

Love it Leafy, ... very special.
I printed and posted it ever before me.
You are surely a haku mele. Amazng stuff here.
I appreciate your interest, support, and wise insight.
Aloha ka kou.

 

[Hopeful97]

Leafy, All I can say is Wow and Thank You!

 

[New Leaf]

Thank you Kalahou and Hopeful. Your words are very kind.
You make my heart smile with them.
leafy

 

[RN0441]

Leafy you are amazing! Great advice AND you write poems?? OMG