IEP today and I'm super nervous.

[Californiablonde]

We have difficult child's IEP today and I am dreading it. Last year's IEP was a breeze because difficult child had good attendance and good grades. This year, since her best friend transferred schools, her attendance is bad and her grades aren't the greatest. I just received a letter in the mail stating that due to difficult child's poor attendance if she doesn't improve we will be required to attend a meeting at our local police station. Yikes! Although perhaps the meeting will be what difficult child needs, I am still dreading it.

My mom came by her school last week to drop off her Prilosec to the nurse so she can start taking it at school before lunch. The assistant principal, who I have never had the "pleasure" of meeting, recognized my mom and pulled her aside to talk to her. He told her in no uncertain terms that he completely blames me for difficult child's lack of attendance. My mom explained to him that I have to be to work by 7:30 in the morning and by the time I leave it's up to difficult child to get herself ready and on the bus.

He told my mom that it's no excuse. He said if I really wanted to I would find a way to make sure difficult child goes to school everyday. Apparently this guy has absolutely no experience with difficult child teenagers. I don't know if this guy will be at today's IEP but I sure hope not. For sure the regular principal will be there plus difficult child's case carrier. I hope the assistant principal will be absent, but if he's not I will have a few choice words for him. Either way I am dreading this meeting and really need some good vibes sent my way.

 

[GuideMe]

I support you 1000% and I am so sorry you are going through this! Let me tell you something CB, that principle is really starting to piss me off. I can't even contain it. I'll tell you what the real deal is. The powers that be are probably coming down really hard on the principles for attendance, which in turn, they will stop at nothing to put false blame onto anyone, because their own job and performance is at risk. He made one mistake, and that is to let you know that he is coming at you with full force, which is a blessing for you because you can be prepared for war. You have nothing to lose at this point, so I would make sure and certain that he does not get away with pinning the blame onto you so freely, FIGHT BACK WITH ALL YOU GOT! Even if you feel that you may be in the wrong for some things (which you're not), DON'T BACK DOWN! ADMIT NOTHING AND TURN THE TABLES BACK ON HIM! I wish I could be in your body for that meeting because that principle is making my blood pressure rise! The only thing you have to do is provide an alarm clock and a way for your teen to get to school, the rest is up to THAT teen to get to school on time and YOU TELL HIM SO! Who the hell is he to tell you that you need to do more, and more, and more and more???? I hate when people put so much unrealistic pressure onto parents, they try to shame us and I'M SICK OF IT!

Don't mind me, I am so angry for you!

 

[BusynMember]

Is your mom still going? Do you want her to?

Do you have an advocate?

 

[Californiablonde]

Well lucky for me the assistant principal wasn't there. The head principal was there but that's okay. I have had several meetings with her and she totally sees my side of things and puts 100% of the blame on difficult child. I am relieved about the assistant principal not being there but I left feeling upset that all I got to hear was 100 percent negative, negative, negative. I really wish they could counteract the difficult child's downfalls with some positive input as well. Unfortunately that rarely happens.

We went over difficult child's test results and no surprises. She tested in the low average range for darned near everything and she has a low IQ as well. Nothing new there. We mostly went over difficult child's attendance issues and this time they had a social worker there to offer some suggestions. We are going to meet once a month to get our heads together and try and help motivate difficult child. He asked me while I was there when the refusal to go to school all started for her. I told him that it was literally the day she started high school. Every single friend she had in middle school started a different high school than difficult child. Suddenly having no friends at school gave difficult child little motivation to attend.

Last year she finally made a very good friend and her attendance improved dramatically. Unfortunately said friend was also a heavy drug user and got kicked out of school at the end of the year. This year we are back in the same boat with difficult child having no friends. Right now it's a catch 22. difficult child needs to meet new friends, but she can't meet anybody because she is never there. She is never there because she has no friends. It's an endless cycle. difficult child's new social worker is going to help her with making new friends and hopefully I can find some new techniques that will finally get her to school. Taking away her lap top and cell phone is no longer motivation for her. She just doesn't care anymore. Hopefully this social worker knows his stuff and knows how to help. I am that desperate that I will try anything.

 

[Californiablonde]

Oh and MWM my mom did go to the IEP with me. I actually like when she is there because she thinks up questions that I can't think of when my mind goes blank. She also helped defend me last year when I was taking the brunt of difficult child's absences. I do like her at the IEP's but I also like her to back off when it comes to direct teacher interaction. I am still working that out.

 

[Confused]

I understand about not wanting to go without her friends..I was that way after I had my issues with a teacher in the 4th grade, then I relied on friends I guess. I wasn't difficult child other then that. Now my daughter is possible aspie not just shy/anxiety- youve read my posts ( not same as your daughter) but.. she also didnt have her friends go with her to the new school and this also made it worse for her from day one- 9th grade. Other kids tried but my daughter wouldn't or couldnt handle it. Now she is being enrolled in a special school half day there/half day home. Im not exactly happy half day home, but better then all day. Anyway, I know from your past post we have different issues with our daughters but.. maybe theres something the school can work out for half a day? If she isnt trustworthy to be home, what about her at a volunteer place, or someone to watch her?

 

[Confused]

Glad it worked out with your mom going

 

[Californiablonde]

Good luck on the new school program, Confused. I have been reading your posts and I really hope it works out for your daughter. They do have independent study at my difficult child's school but unfortunately difficult child can't be trusted to do the work at home while I am at work all day. Last summer she took an independent study English class and it was disastrous even with me by her side trying to force her to do the work. She would never graduate if she were left up to her own devices. I am really hoping the social worker and school psychologist can help us out and I'm praying she meets some friends!

 

[Confused]

I remember you saying her trouble and homeschool. Hmm, I hope we can think of something to suggest for you and her! Hopefully she realizes someway she will be able to handle it. I wish her and you luck.