If matt was dumped at my door

[Steely]

I might lose any semblance of a mind I have left.

I just had this gut wrenching realization of what my life would be like if this program kicked Matt out, and dumped him at my door. I am not sure why this vision has eluded me earlier - perhaps self defense.

I truly cannot fathom what life would be like for the couple of weeks it would take me to find him a city to live in, a place to live in, possibly a new program.

I could never live with him again, he could not stay here even a day. Yet he has been so sheltered at this program, that I could not just say, hitch a ride dude and figure it out.

I am panicked that this program has given him so little life skills, that if they kicked him out, I would be stuck, once again, trying to get him settled. That burden is literally bigger than I can comprehend - and now that I have - I can't stop trembling.

This program has to help him get a life & promise me they won't kick him out until they do. If they have to tell him to leave then they have to find him something new, first.

I know my story is hard to understand, as is Matts. He is super smart, and funny, and super street savvy - so he could navigate his way on the street if he had to - but it is obvious where he would end up without life skills. I homeschooled him and kept him sheltered from basic living experiences. Totally my bad. I know now. This program was supposed to be the stepping stone from the sheltered life to real life - instead it is turning into more of the same thing I did.

I hope you don't think I am "not detaching" because actually it is the opposite. I am so detached that if he showed up at my door, I would have no idea what to do or say - or even how to handle myself or things. I have MY life here, MY friends, MY house where not ONE thing has been broken in the year I have lived here. And now they are even MY dogs, all 3 of them, he can't even have one of them. So - I guess it is more that I am so detached that I am petrified of having to go backwards even one step.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I just felt like a bolt of lightning hit me when I thought about this for the first time clearly - and I had to purge the fear.

 

[Suz]

I've found that the best defense against anxiety and fear is action.

Take action now.

Follow Janet's advice on your other thread and start making calls.

Follow Smallworld's links to see if they can be useful, too.

"The best defense is a strong offense."

If you are home recuperating from mono, use that time to create your backup plan. You can make calls from the couch or your bed. Ditto about your computer research. It will boost your spirits to know that there are options and if your spirits are boosted, it's easier to heal.

Good luck!

Suz

 

[ML]

I agree with Suz. Do the work now to step up your plan B. Dropping him off with you is not an option. PERIOD. I'm glad you recognize that and that you are setting the stage for your future sanity

 

[witzend]

By all means, inform yourself as to what is available. But also be sure that if he is going to be asked to leave, that they ask him to leave rather than you do something pre-emptive to precipitate it. If this place doesn't work out, I suspect he'll resist anything you plan in advance for him if he thinks that it was your idea for him to leave.