I'm a newcomer...

[InsaneCdn]

He needs professional help. It's difficult, because he is old enough to refuse help, but young enough that you are still responsible.

When it comes to drugs, you cannot stop him from using them. However, this is YOUR HOUSE. Because you are legally responsible, you can set and enforce a rule that there are no drugs and nothing associated with drugs in your house - period. It sounds like he still has a little bit of respect for you. Use it - for your sake and for his. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions on you and your home.

Would he consider a therapist? It would HAVE to be a male therapist, ideally one who has extensive experience with young men. No other therapist could reach our teenaged son.

Does he have access to a good family doctor, presumably male? If so, can this doctor talk to him about the options available for anti-anxiety medications, and the benefits of that over using drugs?

 

[Natsom]

I have been in touch with his probation officer (he is no longer on probation) and he is working with me. They rarely smoke when I am there unless I am asleep. One problem I have found with calling the cops is that they actually have to catch them in the act and even then they don't always do anything. I've had him caught in the act by the police while on probation and all they did was call me to come get him. When I have called and said I found the stuff they were no help.

It's so frustrating how the authorities seem incapable of helping us. I feel like I'm screaming in a dark room and they're all laughing at me.

I feel for your plight. And like others have mentioned here you have a unique and very sad situation.

My only advise is to try and do all you can before he turns 18. Be firm, set boundaries, be consistent. Get him into every program you possibly can. Once he turns 18 all bets are off. You lose an incredible amount of control. I wish I would have done more for my son before he became an adult and could say no.