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I'm not coping very well, struggling with-anger and depression
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<blockquote data-quote="mazdamama" data-source="post: 488182" data-attributes="member: 12227"><p>((((Weary for Hope))))</p><p>Yup, same story here and same age of child....drives a sane person nuts. And yes, Daniel has abused me...he wound up in a crisis unit because he knocked me to the floor. I have many health problems and when he knocked me down he tore a ligament in my knee that cannot be repaired due to the arthritis in that knee.</p><p>I do love him dearly but dislike him at times and often hate his actions, Can't hate the child but boy can I hate his actions. I even wonder at times if I made the right decision in adopting them but that idea goes away quickly because God has me exacrlt where HE wants me.</p><p>As for the depression..it runs in my family and I have been on anti depressants for 10 yrs now. I began on them after hurting my back working as a nurse. I began seeing a therapist after my husband died...not because I was mourning him but because I wasn't. Since he had been sick for so very long and was so mean and emotional abusive to me she made me understand that I had put him in a category of a patient because my love for him had died many years before.</p><p>So I have tried many anti-depressants and am currently taking both Cymbalta and Lexapro. Cymbalta helps with the fibromyalgia also. With all the recent going ons with Daniel my psychiatrist put me on a low dose of xanax to be taken as needed. I am a strong woman and have been through alot in my life but when I started chewing away at the inside of my lips and tying my hair in knots from twirling it I knew that my anxiety level was off the charts.</p><p>IF I go off my anti-depressants for even a day or so the tears flow and all I want to do is sleep to escape.</p><p>At church I have an awesome church family. One of the older women is a retired psychiatric nurse who raised four boys of her own. Twice a month after the service is over she will ask if she can take the boys to lunch. I usually only let Daniel go with her because he has come to think of her as a grandma and David prefers to be home. It gives both David and I a bit of a respite.</p><p>As for abuse.....cops have told Daniel that I can beat his behind if I need to and they would just stand there and watch. If he is to ever push me or hit me he already knows it will be back to the crisis center for him even though he will be in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) soon enough.</p><p>I really believe that as the mothers we get more of the inner hate they have at themselves directed at us because Moms are supposed to be able to fix everything. We bandage their scraped knees, hold them when they get hurt ad kiss their boo boos away. Mental illness in our children is not something Mom can fix on her own so in ssome way I think they think we are letting them down.</p><p>Do talk to your doctor about how you are feeling...you are not doing your son any good with you being down. Take the doctors' advice. And if your son abuses you again.....call the police. It was the worst thing I have ever had to do but in the long run those calls to the police is what is finally getting him the help he needs in Residential Treatment Center (RTC).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mazdamama, post: 488182, member: 12227"] ((((Weary for Hope)))) Yup, same story here and same age of child....drives a sane person nuts. And yes, Daniel has abused me...he wound up in a crisis unit because he knocked me to the floor. I have many health problems and when he knocked me down he tore a ligament in my knee that cannot be repaired due to the arthritis in that knee. I do love him dearly but dislike him at times and often hate his actions, Can't hate the child but boy can I hate his actions. I even wonder at times if I made the right decision in adopting them but that idea goes away quickly because God has me exacrlt where HE wants me. As for the depression..it runs in my family and I have been on anti depressants for 10 yrs now. I began on them after hurting my back working as a nurse. I began seeing a therapist after my husband died...not because I was mourning him but because I wasn't. Since he had been sick for so very long and was so mean and emotional abusive to me she made me understand that I had put him in a category of a patient because my love for him had died many years before. So I have tried many anti-depressants and am currently taking both Cymbalta and Lexapro. Cymbalta helps with the fibromyalgia also. With all the recent going ons with Daniel my psychiatrist put me on a low dose of xanax to be taken as needed. I am a strong woman and have been through alot in my life but when I started chewing away at the inside of my lips and tying my hair in knots from twirling it I knew that my anxiety level was off the charts. IF I go off my anti-depressants for even a day or so the tears flow and all I want to do is sleep to escape. At church I have an awesome church family. One of the older women is a retired psychiatric nurse who raised four boys of her own. Twice a month after the service is over she will ask if she can take the boys to lunch. I usually only let Daniel go with her because he has come to think of her as a grandma and David prefers to be home. It gives both David and I a bit of a respite. As for abuse.....cops have told Daniel that I can beat his behind if I need to and they would just stand there and watch. If he is to ever push me or hit me he already knows it will be back to the crisis center for him even though he will be in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) soon enough. I really believe that as the mothers we get more of the inner hate they have at themselves directed at us because Moms are supposed to be able to fix everything. We bandage their scraped knees, hold them when they get hurt ad kiss their boo boos away. Mental illness in our children is not something Mom can fix on her own so in ssome way I think they think we are letting them down. Do talk to your doctor about how you are feeling...you are not doing your son any good with you being down. Take the doctors' advice. And if your son abuses you again.....call the police. It was the worst thing I have ever had to do but in the long run those calls to the police is what is finally getting him the help he needs in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). [/QUOTE]
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