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Is it normal to be THIS argumentative?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 401200" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Is it normal to be this bad? yep.</p><p></p><p>A couple of points for you though - first, if you are instructing her and you feel she is not driving safely or following directions, she MUST pull over when you ask her to and then you talk things through. You have the right to get her out form behind the wheel and you step in and take over. Do NOT let her continue to drive if you do not feel she is taking direction from you.</p><p></p><p>HOWEVER - a lot of what you describe (while driving, anyway) sounds like her need to be in control. The trouble is, as a learner, she is NOT be definition in control and she needs to be reminded of this. We have found that if we insist (especially if it's me - for once difficult child 3 will take change of driver better from husband) we can get a tantrum from him. But then the next time he wants to drive we can say, "After the way you behaved last time? If we let you drive, you MUST do what we say and not backchat. If you want to discuss the issue, you pull over and we discuss on the side of the road. You're LEARNING. Part of learning means, you listen and you act accordingly. If you cannot do this with respect, you will not be permitted to drive."</p><p></p><p>Now another point - she's a girl. I read something/heard something that girls in their teens often will talk out a problem/question/issue to get the various aspects of the issue straight in their minds, while boys just get sullen and silent, by comparison. There are degrees of this, but it comes down to perceptions - they interviewed teens (both sexes) and the parents and found that girls will apparently argue, especially with their mothers, but do not themselves believe they are arguing. </p><p></p><p>Always remember that if you need to, you can simply put everything on pause and say, "We will stop everything and talk this through now."</p><p></p><p>With what you describe, we're at the stage with difficult child 3 that when he talks to us like this and cuts across what we are saying impatiently, we stop him and say quietly, "Please don't interrupt. You may be right in assuming what I am going to say, but you can't know for sure. Let me finish, then you speak. Ands please speak respectfully. I am not trying to be difficult, I am trying to converse. Now, please try again and please do it politely." Then you start over with the topic - "As I was trying to ascertain - what do you understand the arrangements to be with your equestrian coach?"</p><p>If she says impatiently, "But I've TOLD you already!" then simply say, "You may have. But I perhaps had a lot on my mind, I also want to check that I've got the information down right. I'm not saying I don't know anything about it, I just want to confirm what the arrangements are now, at this point. It's helpful to do a re-cap. You do want me on the same page as you in this, don't you?"</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 401200, member: 1991"] Is it normal to be this bad? yep. A couple of points for you though - first, if you are instructing her and you feel she is not driving safely or following directions, she MUST pull over when you ask her to and then you talk things through. You have the right to get her out form behind the wheel and you step in and take over. Do NOT let her continue to drive if you do not feel she is taking direction from you. HOWEVER - a lot of what you describe (while driving, anyway) sounds like her need to be in control. The trouble is, as a learner, she is NOT be definition in control and she needs to be reminded of this. We have found that if we insist (especially if it's me - for once difficult child 3 will take change of driver better from husband) we can get a tantrum from him. But then the next time he wants to drive we can say, "After the way you behaved last time? If we let you drive, you MUST do what we say and not backchat. If you want to discuss the issue, you pull over and we discuss on the side of the road. You're LEARNING. Part of learning means, you listen and you act accordingly. If you cannot do this with respect, you will not be permitted to drive." Now another point - she's a girl. I read something/heard something that girls in their teens often will talk out a problem/question/issue to get the various aspects of the issue straight in their minds, while boys just get sullen and silent, by comparison. There are degrees of this, but it comes down to perceptions - they interviewed teens (both sexes) and the parents and found that girls will apparently argue, especially with their mothers, but do not themselves believe they are arguing. Always remember that if you need to, you can simply put everything on pause and say, "We will stop everything and talk this through now." With what you describe, we're at the stage with difficult child 3 that when he talks to us like this and cuts across what we are saying impatiently, we stop him and say quietly, "Please don't interrupt. You may be right in assuming what I am going to say, but you can't know for sure. Let me finish, then you speak. Ands please speak respectfully. I am not trying to be difficult, I am trying to converse. Now, please try again and please do it politely." Then you start over with the topic - "As I was trying to ascertain - what do you understand the arrangements to be with your equestrian coach?" If she says impatiently, "But I've TOLD you already!" then simply say, "You may have. But I perhaps had a lot on my mind, I also want to check that I've got the information down right. I'm not saying I don't know anything about it, I just want to confirm what the arrangements are now, at this point. It's helpful to do a re-cap. You do want me on the same page as you in this, don't you?" Marg [/QUOTE]
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