Is this acceptable?

[Marcie Mac]

When my SO moved in with us, I had ground rules in place prior to that. He knew that difficult child had "problems" but I think to what extent blew him away and even with disussions beforehand it wasn't a smooth transition and I kept having to tell him to back off, he was not difficult child's father and the military upbringing he had and thought difficult child should have didn't mesh well. To keep resentment down as far as difficult child went, I was the disaplanarian and when melt downs started, he was to retreat to our bedroom and let me handle it - his appearance on the scene just upped the ante

It is really difficult to handle relationships when there is a difficult child involved. Divorces are rampid due to the stress. difficult child was one, not all of the factors, but a major one, involved in mine. Your SO sounds a lot like my X (who is from Huddersfield by the way LOL) I am not an advocate of the "leave them and weep" group when it comes to involvement with difficult children. If someone is willing to stay and able to work with the situation. its a win win for difficult child's, but gotta tell you, its a long hard road getting everyone on the same page, and calls for the utmost strength from the two of you. Is there any way that your SO would go to counceling with you? My X would never go as he felt it was an "american" thing and totally useless - he felt a heavy hand would get him in line..sigh

SO and I are comming up on 18 years together and consider myself very lucky we still have a really good relationship despite the raising of difficult child, although he more qualifies for a difficult child/easy child status now that he is in his late 20's. I hope you can get your SO's mindset changed about how to handle eating issues, video games, etc. He really needs to be in charge and use less of the "he can't help it". There are some things, its true, he can't help, but your SO needs to be more active in making him realize he can.

Good luck
Marcie

 

[tammybackagain]

if you love SO then I would say stick with it, when husband and I first got togeather difficult child told me I wasn't a real mom, that I was Evil, and when he would have outburst always when dad wasn't there he would become very violent, was told my cooking was rotten, husband didn't see anything because difficult child was a manipulator and knew dear dad wouldn't believe me, when I ended up with broken ribs, that was going to be it for me, called police courts involved and husband started to listen to me. Now 18 yrs later difficult child will tell anyone that listens that I am his mom. that if it wasn't for my persistence he would have been in prison/dead by now. and that I am the best mom there is. now when we go to visit he tells his SO that I have to cook cause i'm the best cook in world...

 

[TerryJ2]

WOW! Tammy, start your own thread! How did you do it?

 

[TiredSoul]

It sounds like you do more for your SO's difficult child than your SO does. It sounds like you may not get the credit you deserve and you may resent that. I agree your SO may also be a difficult child. I think husband is - and his behavior definitely feels WILLFULL. Living with a difficult child child (and possibly difficult child SO) is a very tough road. It's my life and I am trying to find support and ways to cope. The only advice I have for you if you are committed to staying in the relationship is to take time for you. Do things that will help recharge you so you have the strength and energy to deal with this.

Hang in there!

 

[tammybackagain]

truefully took the courts, residential treatment and lots of understanding. but it can be done. Just told him I did love him but not his actions, and that there are consiquences. took time but he sees it now.