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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 723225" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>I have been struggling with an update here and simply exausted over the past few days.</p><p></p><p>I see a sad broken and softer son than I have seen in a very very long time.</p><p></p><p>The risk is falling into FOG and being manipulated by the “Abracadabra”.</p><p></p><p>We have come to an agreement and son is home since Tuesday evening. We have searched belongings and found things in his possession that do not belong to him. He has been forthright and honest and returned others we didn’t find in our sweep. We have an iron clad agreement in place and he was more accountable and accepting of this agreement than he has been with any other.</p><p></p><p>Our hearts are open with love but guarded with sage armour. Our guts are saying we see a genuine effort. He still feels he can do this with out patient rehab. He has agreed to go to long term in patient rehab intake interview on Monday. He has agreed to drug testing and entering into long term rehab if he fails a single drug test no excuses.</p><p></p><p>He was up and to school Tues and I picked him up from there. He has gotten himself out of bed and to school on time Wed and Today. Ok ok I know that doesn’t sound like a huge thing. However, this has not happened in well over a year and has never happened without drama or argument. He has attned full days as well. Baby steps and living in the now.</p><p></p><p>We are hopeful with no expectations. He does not have a house key and can not be home when we are not here. All valuables are locked in the safe and any documents that he could use or sell (old drivers licenses, passports, birth certificates), who knows what they will sell if they go off the rails.</p><p></p><p>I am calm and less affected by his presence on an emotional level. This is both good and bad I guess.</p><p></p><p>I can understand his situation and frustration with the fact that not being able to imbibe as all his friends can and have a successful life path is hard for him to wrap his head around. It is hard enough for adults to comprehend.</p><p></p><p>In his sober mind we are going through the throws of shame and guilt with him. A part of me is singing hallelujah on this front as we have NEVER seen this before. Sure we have had hollow apologies with the face of Duper’s Delight ever present. Never sincere remorse like we have seen now.</p><p></p><p>I left out bait money, it wasn’t taken. I am concerned still that he appears to have money and cigarettes. Who knows where he is getting the money. I have asked and he said Friends have bought him cheep cigarettes. They are indeed the cheep kind you find on the reserves. Only time will tell and we stay in the present. It is not a lot of money loose change...maybe he is panhandling.</p><p></p><p>He is more sincere than we have seen in a long long time. Actually concerned last night because he was 1 minute past curfew. This is the kid who in his last drug addled state was pounding on our door for hours in the early morning.</p><p></p><p>He says he has removed all drug connections from his life and his new friends that have helped him are good friends. One is a girl “says they are just friends” she is a year younger than him and her mother is a police officer. Knows my son. He is an extremely likeable boy. Perhaps they are a positive influence on him.</p><p>This is the first time since he was 15 rah he is not clinging to a girlfriend.</p><p></p><p>This next part is hard to describe but I see him now as he truly was at 14 before all this mayhem began. Our therapist did indicate that he would not have matured while heavily using drugs. We see that now. He is seeking parental approval like a 13/14 would certainly not an 18 year old. It is a visual mismatch to the 6’ 4” hairy man I see before me and the vulnerable persona of the teen we hear.</p><p></p><p>I am glad we Have therapy early next week. I need guidance on how to manage this drug free immature vulnerable 18 year old. I am still waiting for the ingnorant, vulgar, defiant one to show his face. Jeckel and Hyde. The Hulk vs Banner.</p><p></p><p>The caution tape is all around but my gut is telling me this is different. This is new. This is the start of the first real change we have ever seen.</p><p></p><p>He declared he wants to be clean and pull his boot straps up and graduate. He wants to go to College and he wants a good life. He said “I am a piece of <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> son”. We said no you are our son. You always will be our son. Nothing you can do will ever stop us from loving you. You may not see what we do as loving you but it is. He nodded and said he understood completely he was remorseful for the life he has lost, his good friends, his little car and his part time job. He said he felt like we had abandoned him and that he knew now that this was not true. He said he understood why we did what we did and knows his life is a mess because of his bad behaviour. WOW!!</p><p></p><p>He has honestly never been anything but angry. Always wanting to return home reluctantly signing living agreements and never making any true effort. He is different this time. If he fails to improve and stay away from drugs on IOP he has agreed he will go to long term in patient rehab. Once his intake interview is behind him he has no more barriers to a bed.</p><p></p><p>He is on a Diversion program for 8 weeks for his one set of theft charges (big deal I consider this a joke). He goes to court next Thursday for his possession charges and will most likely get 6 months of probation. If he chooses to go to in patient rehab his probation officer has to petition the courts to defer his probation and dismiss it if he completes rehab. The things I know that I wish I didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Our system is so lenient that it truly teaches them nothing. I have essentially told him that the system doesn’t care about him. He must care about himself. We do not have a health care focus on MH and addiction in Canada and the law hurt exacerbates the tangled mess our teens find themselves in. I strongly feel we need to decriminalize drugboisession and spend those funds in rehab. We also need to remove the right to consent to rehab from the drug addicted teen to 21 year old. This I am certain would have a tremendous positive impact on our overburdened legal system and the outcome of turning teen addiction around.</p><p></p><p>If I had to put my finger on the one light glimmering out from under the basket, it is that he is speaking of his future, and doing so in a positive light.</p><p></p><p>Today is a good day. Living in the moment hope with no expectations.</p><p></p><p>Here is to hoping for new and genuine Wisdom.</p><p><a href="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/s8mAUnhVbG0/maxresdefault.jpg" target="_blank">https://i.ytimg.com/vi/s8mAUnhVbG0/maxresdefault.jpg</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 723225, member: 21895"] I have been struggling with an update here and simply exausted over the past few days. I see a sad broken and softer son than I have seen in a very very long time. The risk is falling into FOG and being manipulated by the “Abracadabra”. We have come to an agreement and son is home since Tuesday evening. We have searched belongings and found things in his possession that do not belong to him. He has been forthright and honest and returned others we didn’t find in our sweep. We have an iron clad agreement in place and he was more accountable and accepting of this agreement than he has been with any other. Our hearts are open with love but guarded with sage armour. Our guts are saying we see a genuine effort. He still feels he can do this with out patient rehab. He has agreed to go to long term in patient rehab intake interview on Monday. He has agreed to drug testing and entering into long term rehab if he fails a single drug test no excuses. He was up and to school Tues and I picked him up from there. He has gotten himself out of bed and to school on time Wed and Today. Ok ok I know that doesn’t sound like a huge thing. However, this has not happened in well over a year and has never happened without drama or argument. He has attned full days as well. Baby steps and living in the now. We are hopeful with no expectations. He does not have a house key and can not be home when we are not here. All valuables are locked in the safe and any documents that he could use or sell (old drivers licenses, passports, birth certificates), who knows what they will sell if they go off the rails. I am calm and less affected by his presence on an emotional level. This is both good and bad I guess. I can understand his situation and frustration with the fact that not being able to imbibe as all his friends can and have a successful life path is hard for him to wrap his head around. It is hard enough for adults to comprehend. In his sober mind we are going through the throws of shame and guilt with him. A part of me is singing hallelujah on this front as we have NEVER seen this before. Sure we have had hollow apologies with the face of Duper’s Delight ever present. Never sincere remorse like we have seen now. I left out bait money, it wasn’t taken. I am concerned still that he appears to have money and cigarettes. Who knows where he is getting the money. I have asked and he said Friends have bought him cheep cigarettes. They are indeed the cheep kind you find on the reserves. Only time will tell and we stay in the present. It is not a lot of money loose change...maybe he is panhandling. He is more sincere than we have seen in a long long time. Actually concerned last night because he was 1 minute past curfew. This is the kid who in his last drug addled state was pounding on our door for hours in the early morning. He says he has removed all drug connections from his life and his new friends that have helped him are good friends. One is a girl “says they are just friends” she is a year younger than him and her mother is a police officer. Knows my son. He is an extremely likeable boy. Perhaps they are a positive influence on him. This is the first time since he was 15 rah he is not clinging to a girlfriend. This next part is hard to describe but I see him now as he truly was at 14 before all this mayhem began. Our therapist did indicate that he would not have matured while heavily using drugs. We see that now. He is seeking parental approval like a 13/14 would certainly not an 18 year old. It is a visual mismatch to the 6’ 4” hairy man I see before me and the vulnerable persona of the teen we hear. I am glad we Have therapy early next week. I need guidance on how to manage this drug free immature vulnerable 18 year old. I am still waiting for the ingnorant, vulgar, defiant one to show his face. Jeckel and Hyde. The Hulk vs Banner. The caution tape is all around but my gut is telling me this is different. This is new. This is the start of the first real change we have ever seen. He declared he wants to be clean and pull his boot straps up and graduate. He wants to go to College and he wants a good life. He said “I am a piece of :censored2: son”. We said no you are our son. You always will be our son. Nothing you can do will ever stop us from loving you. You may not see what we do as loving you but it is. He nodded and said he understood completely he was remorseful for the life he has lost, his good friends, his little car and his part time job. He said he felt like we had abandoned him and that he knew now that this was not true. He said he understood why we did what we did and knows his life is a mess because of his bad behaviour. WOW!! He has honestly never been anything but angry. Always wanting to return home reluctantly signing living agreements and never making any true effort. He is different this time. If he fails to improve and stay away from drugs on IOP he has agreed he will go to long term in patient rehab. Once his intake interview is behind him he has no more barriers to a bed. He is on a Diversion program for 8 weeks for his one set of theft charges (big deal I consider this a joke). He goes to court next Thursday for his possession charges and will most likely get 6 months of probation. If he chooses to go to in patient rehab his probation officer has to petition the courts to defer his probation and dismiss it if he completes rehab. The things I know that I wish I didn’t. Our system is so lenient that it truly teaches them nothing. I have essentially told him that the system doesn’t care about him. He must care about himself. We do not have a health care focus on MH and addiction in Canada and the law hurt exacerbates the tangled mess our teens find themselves in. I strongly feel we need to decriminalize drugboisession and spend those funds in rehab. We also need to remove the right to consent to rehab from the drug addicted teen to 21 year old. This I am certain would have a tremendous positive impact on our overburdened legal system and the outcome of turning teen addiction around. If I had to put my finger on the one light glimmering out from under the basket, it is that he is speaking of his future, and doing so in a positive light. Today is a good day. Living in the moment hope with no expectations. Here is to hoping for new and genuine Wisdom. [URL]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/s8mAUnhVbG0/maxresdefault.jpg[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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