My difficult child knew his colors, numbers, letters etc early. Could count in 3 languages by 2.5 - but what SRL is saying is absolutely true. Our difficult child's behaviors (although better) and lack of attention (possible ADHD) in preschool are factors that will possibly hinder his education in elementary school. That's why it is important to do what you are doing now.
it happened again.
- Thread starter miche
- Start date
smallworld
Moderator
I live in Maryland. I'm sending you a PM.
smallworld
Moderator
SRL, I'm trying to help Michelle locate some evaluation options in our area. I know the Children's Hospital in Washington, Difficult Child, has a Department of Developmental Pediatrics. Would that be the place to start?
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
I am sorry you are going through this... these are such hard decisions to make. It makes it hard if you feel alone or if you question if you are doing the right thing and the money makes it all the more stressful...
We had to cut our difficult child's schedule down to 3 days a week becuase she was overstimulated and couldn't cope with the social stress... I am thinking of doing a 4 day kindergarten program next year for the same reason.
My daughter is the sweetest person in the world in my in-laws eyes, we got into so many fights over how I was overreacting, how I was too hard on her. She would never attack anyone... never do the things we said she did... it took a few years of this. One day they finally saw her in "action". They also saw the videos... some people will always have a hard time "believing" you, or understanding. This is why we call ourselves warrior moms with rhino skin... you really do get tough... after months and then years of advocating for your child you realize all that matters is the health and well being of those closest to you!!! You end up having to be somewhat selfish...
Hang in there... it is a long haul.
We had to cut our difficult child's schedule down to 3 days a week becuase she was overstimulated and couldn't cope with the social stress... I am thinking of doing a 4 day kindergarten program next year for the same reason.
My daughter is the sweetest person in the world in my in-laws eyes, we got into so many fights over how I was overreacting, how I was too hard on her. She would never attack anyone... never do the things we said she did... it took a few years of this. One day they finally saw her in "action". They also saw the videos... some people will always have a hard time "believing" you, or understanding. This is why we call ourselves warrior moms with rhino skin... you really do get tough... after months and then years of advocating for your child you realize all that matters is the health and well being of those closest to you!!! You end up having to be somewhat selfish...
Hang in there... it is a long haul.
Andrea Danielle
New Member
I am sending you a big hug from Toronto!
I am feeling very grateful for the Canadian health care system right now... $10,000 wouldn't be an option for us either. Yikes. I hope some of these other resources that everyone is suggesting work out for you.
As for anyone thinking she is fine and will outgrow it... I have learned that us parents know best! I didn't listen to all of the people who said that I just need to be firmer, or spank him, or he is fine, just an active boy! I knew he was struggling and that there was more to it and you obviously know this too. Go with your insticts, and find out what is wrong with your daughter.
Good luck.
Andrea
I am feeling very grateful for the Canadian health care system right now... $10,000 wouldn't be an option for us either. Yikes. I hope some of these other resources that everyone is suggesting work out for you.
As for anyone thinking she is fine and will outgrow it... I have learned that us parents know best! I didn't listen to all of the people who said that I just need to be firmer, or spank him, or he is fine, just an active boy! I knew he was struggling and that there was more to it and you obviously know this too. Go with your insticts, and find out what is wrong with your daughter.
Good luck.
Andrea
SRL
Active Member
Sorry, I just now caught this post. Thanks for helping out!
For a child this young it's always best to start with an evaluation that includes an MD so I'd start with the developmental pediatricians. If you go this route ask about wait time and if it's long (more than 3 months) ask to get put on their cancellation list.
Also if the wait time is longer, ask for names of pediatric neuropsychogists in their system. They usually do a good job but as young as this kiddo is, in my opinion, it would be preferable for the MD route should be covered as well. I'm hearing wait times in some places out East that are simply unacceptable so ask that up front.
Also, sometimes a referral from another specialists within their system can speed up the appointment times so seeing anyone within the behavioral realm can sometimes be better than no-one. ie neurologists aren't usually our top choices for evaluations such as these but they can sometimes redirect and expedite referral appointments.
Thanks again for helping-
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Heck, I'm glad I have STATE insurance. Everything was covered 100%. Guess there are advantaged to being pooor! :smile: PLus son was a special needs adoption and he is automatically covered. I wanted to say that you need to call around to see if anyone will take payments. A neuropsychologist may cost less and I love them. They really "got" my son and did a lot of testing. Also, I'd fight with the school district big time. My son had hyperlexia--he could read at two, knew his colors, shapes, alphabet, numbers, etc. but he was on the autism spectrum and desperately needed interventions anyways. It's not just if the kids are cognitively delayed. My son had some developmental delays--speech, motor skills, he had sensory issues, etc. I guarantee you that your child's behavior will affect her learning. If you are going to stick with the psychologist, I would be leery of the diagnosis and take it with a grain of salt. They have no medical degrees and tend to be pretty bad at diagnosing (usually they diagnose all kids as ADHD and ODD--ODD is rarely diagnosed by a real Psychiatrist). Call the Maryland State Dept. of Public Education and ask for the Special Needs Advocate. She/he will tell you what your child is entitled to. We got tons of help from our own STate Dept. of Public Education. They wouldn't let our school district get away with that "He doesn't qualify" bit. And they hold the purse strings to the school district.
I am still investigating my options. husband got really mad at me yesterday when I suggested that our difficult child needs a hospital, not a psychologist. He said that I'm the one who needs a hospital. It was not a pretty scene.
difficult child had an awful weekend. Last night she had a meltdown because she didn't want to take a bath (it'd been 2 days and she was dirty). She screamed at husband "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BATH! BATHS ARE STUPID!". Finally she got in the tub and freaked out because I tried to wash her ears. My god what an episode. I just exploded myself -- threw a bucket of water over her head and took her out of the tub. She screamed for about 15 minutes. I can't take it anymore.
This morning she had a mini-meltdown in the car because her nailpolish was chipped and I wouldn't go back in the house and repaint her nail. Yes, I screamed at her in the car. It honestly seems to be the only thing that gets through to her.
difficult child had an awful weekend. Last night she had a meltdown because she didn't want to take a bath (it'd been 2 days and she was dirty). She screamed at husband "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BATH! BATHS ARE STUPID!". Finally she got in the tub and freaked out because I tried to wash her ears. My god what an episode. I just exploded myself -- threw a bucket of water over her head and took her out of the tub. She screamed for about 15 minutes. I can't take it anymore.
This morning she had a mini-meltdown in the car because her nailpolish was chipped and I wouldn't go back in the house and repaint her nail. Yes, I screamed at her in the car. It honestly seems to be the only thing that gets through to her.
smallworld
Moderator
Michelle, I'm sorry you had such a bad weekend with both husband and difficult child. The hospital is just the setting where the evaluation takes place. It doesn't mean it's worse; it just means it's different from an office building. The value of having the evaluation in a Children's Hospital is the expertise and breadth of experience you get there. You have all kinds of specialists there who can evaluate your difficult child because at this point you have no idea what's really going on.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
OH, my! I didn't mean to put the child in the hospital!!!! Smallmom explained it well. Have you heard of a multi-disciplinary evaluation? It's done in a period of several hours and you see many professionals. They check your child in every area. They don't always "nail" it (they didn't for my son), but they came a lot closer than any psycologist (who tended to blame my parenting methods--luckily, I'm a vet mom, knew they were full of it, and moved on to other types of professionals). At least they said my son had "autistic traits." That was closer than the stereotypical ADHD/ODD diagnosis. I heard from all the psycologists and the "you need to be stricter" garbage (yes, it's garbage--a child with a disorder doesn't respond to discipline the same way a "typical" child does. Also, the child isn't "bad", he needs help. ANyways, just wanted to clarify. husband sounds like he may be in denial.
SRL
Active Member
Dads almost always are behind in recognizing there might be something amiss with their kids. I think it's because moms are more observant and involved plus dads often have a severe case of Gene Pool Pride. One of the fastest ways for them to overcome this is to assign the dads with the tasks and times when the child is most challenging. Let him do the next bath.
Go easy on the things that are hard for her: back down baths to when only needed and then make them fast, don't push issues that aren't safety related or critical, etc.
Go easy on the things that are hard for her: back down baths to when only needed and then make them fast, don't push issues that aren't safety related or critical, etc.
I feel like we have backed down on so many things that we've lost all parental control. She usually loves baths, it's bedtime she avoids. LOL
I just finished "The Explosive Child" and I have to admit, I'm very skeptical. You can't really "reason" with a 3 year old. I mean Basket B....it just doesn't seem realistic.
And as for safety and Bakset A -- her main problem is that she hits when she is told NO by her teacher/parent and gets frustrated. She never just "hits" someone for the heck of it So where does that go?
I just finished "The Explosive Child" and I have to admit, I'm very skeptical. You can't really "reason" with a 3 year old. I mean Basket B....it just doesn't seem realistic.
And as for safety and Bakset A -- her main problem is that she hits when she is told NO by her teacher/parent and gets frustrated. She never just "hits" someone for the heck of it So where does that go?