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<blockquote data-quote="marlboro" data-source="post: 729216" data-attributes="member: 22857"><p>Oh.... given to me I would simply refuse to engage. But my wife did send a letter at Christmas. Probably he has a narcissist personality disorder, as a direct result of my father’s shunning, his sister’s Borderline (BPD)(inherited from my father), and our failing to support him, and being the luckiest person I ever ran into. We spent most of his childhood putting out his sister’s fires, and he got the short end. He used to say that his sister was high maintenance but as his NPD has blossomed, he doesn’t seem to remember this anymore. The luck factor has supported the idea in his mind that he must be special. </p><p></p><p>But my wife did send a letter which I told her not to do, which “invalidated him”. Basically she should have told him what a magnanimous and wonderful son he was for understanding that we couldn’t drive for 3 days in snow at Christmas with 5 days notice to visit him and stay in a motel. Any disagreement with anything he does or says means that we are invalidating him.</p><p></p><p>Problem is that I do accept partial blame for his problems. Most certainly it was my actions of refusing to crawl one more time to my father, and then being totally out of it for a year(and almost committing suicide) when my entire family shunned me(while I also had to deal with the Borderline (BPD) daughter’s cutting behaviors). And of course, while its not really my fault, we did have to spend a huge amount of time walking on eggshells with the daughter.</p><p></p><p>So its clearly the wife that I am doing this for. And on the side I try to continuously coach and deal with her total bewilderment at their actions toward us, and get her to realize that my son has zero empathy, no gratefulness, be a continuous bully, and needs to be continuously told how wonderful he is to us and everyone around him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="marlboro, post: 729216, member: 22857"] Oh.... given to me I would simply refuse to engage. But my wife did send a letter at Christmas. Probably he has a narcissist personality disorder, as a direct result of my father’s shunning, his sister’s Borderline (BPD)(inherited from my father), and our failing to support him, and being the luckiest person I ever ran into. We spent most of his childhood putting out his sister’s fires, and he got the short end. He used to say that his sister was high maintenance but as his NPD has blossomed, he doesn’t seem to remember this anymore. The luck factor has supported the idea in his mind that he must be special. But my wife did send a letter which I told her not to do, which “invalidated him”. Basically she should have told him what a magnanimous and wonderful son he was for understanding that we couldn’t drive for 3 days in snow at Christmas with 5 days notice to visit him and stay in a motel. Any disagreement with anything he does or says means that we are invalidating him. Problem is that I do accept partial blame for his problems. Most certainly it was my actions of refusing to crawl one more time to my father, and then being totally out of it for a year(and almost committing suicide) when my entire family shunned me(while I also had to deal with the Borderline (BPD) daughter’s cutting behaviors). And of course, while its not really my fault, we did have to spend a huge amount of time walking on eggshells with the daughter. So its clearly the wife that I am doing this for. And on the side I try to continuously coach and deal with her total bewilderment at their actions toward us, and get her to realize that my son has zero empathy, no gratefulness, be a continuous bully, and needs to be continuously told how wonderful he is to us and everyone around him. [/QUOTE]
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