I am an adult survivor of an obvious Father with Borderline (BPD). If he were alive today he would be 97, as I am 68. 23 years ago my father orchestrated a shunning of me, my wife, and my two children. I suspect he never believed that I would not fail to come crawling back as I did every time he did one of his totally unreasonable demands for 46 years. But I had reached the endpoint. My mother is still alive but has some form of dementia and doesn’t know me. Two of my siblings will communicate politely if I make a huge effort; the other one has continued the shunning. I have not heard from any of them in 7 years. Moving into the present.... I have a 38 year old daughter who has obvious Borderline (BPD), though undiagnosed, except by her. I know recent new information has shown a genetic connection, but she was also the second diagnosed case of Lyme Disease in the state we lived in and was never fully treated for that, plus she was seriously affected by the abandonment of her grandparents and cousins, and shortly thereafter began the cutting behaviors. She has been estranged from us already for a period four years, came back into our lives three years ago, and now has lost it again. We had just begun to trust her again, and believe that perhaps the previous crazy years(back to early middle school) were gone. But the mentally ill daughter is back. She is married to a wonderful man who brings her back down if they are in public, but closes his office door at home, when she goes off the deep end there. Recently my son, who was never diagnosed with anything(but may have an alcohol problem), sometime after he got his PhD 6 years ago, began bullying us in a way much like his sister. And then he and his wife had our first and only grandchild. Immediately he started using access to the grandchild as a way to demand that we do things he wanted. But we weathered that; and try to just smile when he makes the bullying comments. However, now his sister, the clearly mentally ill one, has decided to be the surrogate Aunt/Mother of the child, and has manipulated her brother into treating us the same way she does, and convincing him that we were and continue to be horrible parents to them, and will soon make the grandson crazy too. Rationally this would be kind of hard, since they live 1000 miles away, and we only see the kid maybe 4 times a year for a few days. Typically, this happened very close to the time that we gave(free and clear) him a substantial sum to buy a house. So...now we wait out an estrangement from both of our children, and wonder if the mentally ill sister will turn on her brother at some point and he will realize what is going on, or if we’ll die before any of that actually happens. The fact that I understand this having lived it as a child, and having spent 40 years as a professional counseling psychologist, means that I know what to do, and how to advise my wife. I have essential meditative and CBT techniques to stop this from overwhelming me, and I have to use them continuously. But is so hard to not get into tears sometimes.