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<blockquote data-quote="Roxona" data-source="post: 684832" data-attributes="member: 19076"><p>Awww, Lil, I'm still right there with you. </p><p></p><p>I can hear the worry and frustration in your words. J is a lot like your son in that every so often I have to listen to his tirades about how this is unfair and how that is unfair. I try to be patient for the first 10 minutes, but after that I have to end the conversation because the entitlement is so deep, I need hip-waders! </p><p></p><p>I still feel like your son is still just trying for find himself and his independence and sort of failing at both. I think that's where the alcohol thing comes in. It's like he's trying to be in control of something in his life. J has never been big on alcohol. There have been times when I have offered him a drink during a nice dinner and he always turns me down. A few months after he got back from rehab, he and I were talking about how he doesn't like to be home much. He said he would love to just be able to sit down, have a beer and chat or watch tv. He's still underage at 20, but because I know he's not a big alcohol kind of guy, I offered to buy him a six pack...mostly because I'd rather have him at home than out hanging with the rude crew. Plus, I wanted to see what he would do. You know what? That six pack sat in my garage refrigerator for at least three months before it was all gone...and he hasn't asked for more. Same goes with the smoking. I don't allow smoking in my house, but told him he could smoke on the back patio. Problem was I'd find a million cigarette butts lying all over...so I bought one of those big ashtrays that you see at restaurants that have a bucket inside, so the wind can't blow the butts everywhere, and told him that he had to use it or he couldn't smoke in the backyard anymore. He uses it like clockwork now and has even gotten on his friends for not using it. </p><p></p><p>As for the temper tantrums your son is throwing, well...that's just what they are. Josh still tries that on me from time to time, but I have told him under no uncertain terms that if he wants to continue to live in my house, he better speak to me with respect or he will find another place to live. My husband has already kicked him out once for raging, so he knows we're serious.</p><p></p><p>Our boys are trying to be independent and have some control over their lives, and living at home with mom and dad isn't exactly being independent and is probably as frustrating for him as it is you. I say keep listening to him and help all positive efforts he is making to be on his own again. This is what I am trying to do with J. It isn't perfect, but he isn't using meth anymore, has a new job he seems to like, has found a girl that he is interested in, and is starting to look at his future for the first time ever. Right now he is acting like a some what normal teenager (even though he is 20), but I'll take it!</p><p></p><p>Peace and hugs to you and Jabber!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Roxona, post: 684832, member: 19076"] Awww, Lil, I'm still right there with you. I can hear the worry and frustration in your words. J is a lot like your son in that every so often I have to listen to his tirades about how this is unfair and how that is unfair. I try to be patient for the first 10 minutes, but after that I have to end the conversation because the entitlement is so deep, I need hip-waders! I still feel like your son is still just trying for find himself and his independence and sort of failing at both. I think that's where the alcohol thing comes in. It's like he's trying to be in control of something in his life. J has never been big on alcohol. There have been times when I have offered him a drink during a nice dinner and he always turns me down. A few months after he got back from rehab, he and I were talking about how he doesn't like to be home much. He said he would love to just be able to sit down, have a beer and chat or watch tv. He's still underage at 20, but because I know he's not a big alcohol kind of guy, I offered to buy him a six pack...mostly because I'd rather have him at home than out hanging with the rude crew. Plus, I wanted to see what he would do. You know what? That six pack sat in my garage refrigerator for at least three months before it was all gone...and he hasn't asked for more. Same goes with the smoking. I don't allow smoking in my house, but told him he could smoke on the back patio. Problem was I'd find a million cigarette butts lying all over...so I bought one of those big ashtrays that you see at restaurants that have a bucket inside, so the wind can't blow the butts everywhere, and told him that he had to use it or he couldn't smoke in the backyard anymore. He uses it like clockwork now and has even gotten on his friends for not using it. As for the temper tantrums your son is throwing, well...that's just what they are. Josh still tries that on me from time to time, but I have told him under no uncertain terms that if he wants to continue to live in my house, he better speak to me with respect or he will find another place to live. My husband has already kicked him out once for raging, so he knows we're serious. Our boys are trying to be independent and have some control over their lives, and living at home with mom and dad isn't exactly being independent and is probably as frustrating for him as it is you. I say keep listening to him and help all positive efforts he is making to be on his own again. This is what I am trying to do with J. It isn't perfect, but he isn't using meth anymore, has a new job he seems to like, has found a girl that he is interested in, and is starting to look at his future for the first time ever. Right now he is acting like a some what normal teenager (even though he is 20), but I'll take it! Peace and hugs to you and Jabber! [/QUOTE]
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