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It's been 2 years...New trauma old feelings?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741424" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Tish:</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you have been through so much. It just keeps coming at you. I have to say first, selfishly how happy that I was to see your name.</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry about your older son, and your sister. I wish for you, your husband and your son (and grandson) that grandson had been safe to be at home. I question, too, why life can be so hard.</p><p></p><p>I think you touch on part of the answer in your post. Your younger son has met the challenges that have been put in front of him. From deep love and responsibility he has reached inside of him and up to G-d for strength, and he has become a wonderful man, a wonderful father and son. If not for struggle, where would we be?</p><p></p><p>You ask why these unrelated traumas trigger us so. I do not know much but I experience the same as you. I am learning that the body is a reservoir of old hurts. There is a book called "The body keeps score." The idea is that trauma is stored physically, only to be reactivated in stressful times.</p><p></p><p>I have begun a therapy called somatic experiencing which utilizes touch to release the stored body experience, and to give the body/mind a chance by releasing this pain, to find more adaptive ways to deal with experience. The theory is that many of us have maladaptive ways to deal with the stressors that come at us because we have guarded ourselves, and are held back based upon old patterns.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to explain in words.</p><p></p><p>Al I know is I am the same as you. There are things that happen that I should be able to handle, that cognitively I understand and I try to put into perspective. But I am overcome with emotion that is disabling and intolerable. All I want is for it to stop. I go to bed. I try to turn the radio on loud so as to drown out the internal stimuli. I try to focus on soothing things. It is a struggle to get from one hour to the next. And this keeps on, even if I know, like you do that what is coming up for me is related to the past not the present.</p><p></p><p>But then it stops. The pain stops. It is like the sun comes out from the clouds. The body pain stops. The internal hammer stops. Gosh. Thank G-d.</p><p></p><p>We have begun here on the forum to talk about this as turning the channel. There is an escape. There is light to be found. Within us. Whether through meditation or prayer or exercise (or??)….we turn the page. For a few hours, a day, or more.</p><p></p><p>The thing is Tish anybody (ANYBODY) would be suffering with the onslaught you have suffered. It is really too much. Anybody would beg for respite. And be asking why?</p><p></p><p>There is no why. At least none that we can know.</p><p></p><p>None of us when the chips are down has control over what comes at us. It is only to deal and to try best as we can to not abandon or turn against ourselves. That is very hard. Because I think the default is to seek a culprit. And more likely as not we end up pointing the finger at ourselves. Our egos and superegos indict US. It is this vendetta that has to stop. I am learning to try to STOP with the stories. These inner tapes we play ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS.</p><p></p><p>It is like we are out there with our pitchforks in the night with torches looking for the bad guy. And when we do not find him, we turn the pitchforks on ourselves. It does not have to be that way. We can call off the dogs.</p><p></p><p>Bad things happen to good people. Sometimes over and over again. Sometimes it feels it never will stop. But it will. But first we have to try to stop it in ourselves. The part of ourselves that turns against us.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are back. But oh so sorry that you are suffering.</p><p></p><p>Others will come soon and they will understand. And they (I hope) will be able to put into words what I am trying to say. I know every single one of them has suffered this way and they will know how to help you to get it to stop.</p><p></p><p>I just wanted to let you know how much I care. And how much I understand. I am praying for you that you have peace and rest very, very soon (like now.)</p><p></p><p>PS The two major names that write about somatic understanding of trauma are Peter Levine and Van der Kolk, I think is his name. The former is a psychologist, the latter, a psychiatrist. Both write books.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741424, member: 18958"] Dear Tish: I am so sorry you have been through so much. It just keeps coming at you. I have to say first, selfishly how happy that I was to see your name. I am so very sorry about your older son, and your sister. I wish for you, your husband and your son (and grandson) that grandson had been safe to be at home. I question, too, why life can be so hard. I think you touch on part of the answer in your post. Your younger son has met the challenges that have been put in front of him. From deep love and responsibility he has reached inside of him and up to G-d for strength, and he has become a wonderful man, a wonderful father and son. If not for struggle, where would we be? You ask why these unrelated traumas trigger us so. I do not know much but I experience the same as you. I am learning that the body is a reservoir of old hurts. There is a book called "The body keeps score." The idea is that trauma is stored physically, only to be reactivated in stressful times. I have begun a therapy called somatic experiencing which utilizes touch to release the stored body experience, and to give the body/mind a chance by releasing this pain, to find more adaptive ways to deal with experience. The theory is that many of us have maladaptive ways to deal with the stressors that come at us because we have guarded ourselves, and are held back based upon old patterns. It is hard to explain in words. Al I know is I am the same as you. There are things that happen that I should be able to handle, that cognitively I understand and I try to put into perspective. But I am overcome with emotion that is disabling and intolerable. All I want is for it to stop. I go to bed. I try to turn the radio on loud so as to drown out the internal stimuli. I try to focus on soothing things. It is a struggle to get from one hour to the next. And this keeps on, even if I know, like you do that what is coming up for me is related to the past not the present. But then it stops. The pain stops. It is like the sun comes out from the clouds. The body pain stops. The internal hammer stops. Gosh. Thank G-d. We have begun here on the forum to talk about this as turning the channel. There is an escape. There is light to be found. Within us. Whether through meditation or prayer or exercise (or??)….we turn the page. For a few hours, a day, or more. The thing is Tish anybody (ANYBODY) would be suffering with the onslaught you have suffered. It is really too much. Anybody would beg for respite. And be asking why? There is no why. At least none that we can know. None of us when the chips are down has control over what comes at us. It is only to deal and to try best as we can to not abandon or turn against ourselves. That is very hard. Because I think the default is to seek a culprit. And more likely as not we end up pointing the finger at ourselves. Our egos and superegos indict US. It is this vendetta that has to stop. I am learning to try to STOP with the stories. These inner tapes we play ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS. It is like we are out there with our pitchforks in the night with torches looking for the bad guy. And when we do not find him, we turn the pitchforks on ourselves. It does not have to be that way. We can call off the dogs. Bad things happen to good people. Sometimes over and over again. Sometimes it feels it never will stop. But it will. But first we have to try to stop it in ourselves. The part of ourselves that turns against us. I am glad you are back. But oh so sorry that you are suffering. Others will come soon and they will understand. And they (I hope) will be able to put into words what I am trying to say. I know every single one of them has suffered this way and they will know how to help you to get it to stop. I just wanted to let you know how much I care. And how much I understand. I am praying for you that you have peace and rest very, very soon (like now.) PS The two major names that write about somatic understanding of trauma are Peter Levine and Van der Kolk, I think is his name. The former is a psychologist, the latter, a psychiatrist. Both write books. [/QUOTE]
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