It's finally happening..

[Star*]

And such is our life - My son has forced me to live in a closet, and become a social mime with a perma-marker smile. When i show the rest of the world how bad it hurts and what I'm going through - I AM judged, when I open up to my fiance and show him how badly it hurts - he opens up and says It hurts me too. That's one no show, one me too but when I come here?
I can just be me.

Somedays I feel like I AM Sarah Connor -except my kid is the terminator! - Know what I mean??

 

[judi]

I keep my mouth shut and a smile glued on my face also. It is not always easy. Mikey - I hope this works.

 

[wakeupcall]

I have the plastic smile, too. I wonder if all of us do??

My thoughts are with you, Mikey.

 

[KTMom91]

I suspect we all DO have the "fine, fine" smile...though I'm a bit late, I understand what both Mikey and Star are saying about the parental conflict. Hubby has tried to be a real father to Miss KT, and all he gets is abuse and full-blown hatred, and has for almost our entire marriage. It makes a difficult situation so much harder when you feel torn.

Hugs to you, Mikey.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Mikey,

You and the whole Mikey family have been in my thoughts and prayers daily. I know that this was very hard for you and a long time coming. Keep us updated.

 

[KFld]

Hi Mikey,
Just thought I would check in and see what is going on around here and I'm glad I did.

The thing I want to respond to the most here, besides the fact that you are doing GREAT!!! Is that you are doing everything right now!! You cannot control what mcweedy does, nor can you control what wife chooses to do in this mess. You can only choose what you will do. You are the only one you have control over and it sounds like you are at the point that you are no longer going to let their choices destroy you. I learned this very important lesson during my private counseling and I use it today for many things, that the only person I have control over is ME!!!!

Another thing I want to respond to is your wife not participating in any of the counseling sessions that the rehabs have to offer. That is a huge mistake on her part and when your son sees the light and begins to turn his life around he will see that the way you are handling this now is what has helped him the most. My s2bx critisized and left everything to me when my son was useing. I enabled in the beginning and during sessions that I attended while he was in rehab he was the one who stood up and told people that I enabled him and protected him for quite a while and it was the worst thing I could have done, but once I stopped doing that it was what helped him the most. He knows now that he is 1 1/2 years clean that my attending n/a and going to counseling and learning how to not enable him is how I really really helped him to help himself. He would be the first one to admit to people that if I continued to enable, he would probably still be useing today.

I know what you are doing now sometimes feels that you are turning your back on him, but it is your wife that is turning her back on him in the end. I have a ton of resentment towards my s2bx in how he handled a lot of our sons addiction, but I also feel really good about how I handled it because my clean and sober son tells me how good I handled it.

Keep doing what you are doing. I know the thing between you and wife really stinks right now, but I hate to say it, if she doesn't attend everything the rehab has to offer the FAMILY when and if he goes, then the two of you will never be on the same page.

I'll try to stop in more often and see how things are unfolding.

 

[janebrain]

Hey Karen,
so glad to see you here again and glad things are going so well for you and your son! I have to agree with you about Mikey's wife--just the fact that she refused to do any family counseling was really surprising to me. And I remember from my difficult child 1's rehabs that they emphasized that addiction is something that has to be dealt with and understood by the whole family.

Mikey, your wife sounds like a major difficult child to me in her own right. I think you are doing fabulously!

Jane

 

[DDD]

Sounds like you have found your comfort level..albeit there is NO comfort in substance abuse issues, I know. It would be wonderful in your life partner was at the same point (no matter what point that might be) but evidently it isn't going to happen anytime soon.

The five of you do remain in my thoughts and prayers as each of you are suffering..yep, even Sarge. Hugs. DDD

 

[standswithcourage]

I understand. It sounds all too familiar. My son is 24 and has done about the same thing. It caused a lot of tension between my husband and I but lately my hubby has been the one with more patience. My son was in jail for 6 months on a contributing to the deliquency of a minor charge - we bonded him out expecting him to be ready for rehab = we had a rehab bed waiting for him = we had a guy from a church talk to him through his stay in jail - we bonded him out and took him to the Christian place and he lasted 3 days - he left and caught a bus home - the bondsman, ministry man and we read him the right act - he is on probation also - he stills smokes pot, drinks and has anxiety medications he got from the doctor - he has a full time job but has missed two days of work because he is at a friends house and they have everything he wants - we could revoke his bond and send him back to jail - it is so hard but when do they ever get it?