It's funny the tantrums older difficult child's throw when you stop them in their tracks

[GuideMe]

difficult child wanted something. I could tell how she was pacing around, glancing at me, thinking of a way to ask me. What's funny is, they swear you can't you tell what their thinking.

Out of the blue, she says "I need the credit card for socks!" like it was an utter emergency. Right away, you could tell it dawned on her how utterly stupid that sounded. Because why would she need the credit card for socks right this second? There was no way she could make a valid argument for it. So, what does she do? Switches into angry mode and changes the argument up about something else just to get her anger out. It is so comical that I get cursed out, yelled at, for something I didn't even do. I love how difficult child abuse YOU just because you say no to something bad that they want to do. Where do they get off? Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[dstc_99]

LOL vent away! If difficult child's made sense we wouldn't need this place.

Mine does the same thing. Gets a hair up her butt about something else and takes it out on me.

 

[GuideMe]

Right, dstc? It's just amazing to me how angry they get when we catch them in a lie or stop them in their manipulation tactics.

 

[BusynMember]

They are all that way; not pleasant.

That's why most of ours don't live with us and have strained relationships with us. We don't have to listen to their abuse.

 

[GuideMe]

They are all that way; not pleasant.

That's why most of ours don't live with us and have strained relationships with us. We don't have to listen to their abuse.

I'm working on it.

 

[GuideMe]

Working on getting difficult child outta the house that is.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Sounds to me as if you have changed your response. In seeing the truth and not responding with fear but with humor and a lighter reaction, you take all the power from her. The power she had over you was in the way you responded. Nice work GM, good for you.

 

[GuideMe]

Sounds to me as if you have changed your response. In seeing the truth and not responding with fear but with humor and a lighter reaction, you take all the power from her. The power she had over you was in the way you responded. Nice work GM, good for you.

Wow, so right....thank you

 

[2much2recover]

To see supposedly such "great manipulators" try and do such really stupid things and expect us to believe it is irony. She needs your credit card for socks? Yeah right. Great try in thinking you are so stupid to hand over your CC. If she indeed needed socks - why not just ask you if you could get her some?

 

[GuideMe]

To see supposedly such "great manipulators" try and do such really stupid things and expect us to believe it is irony. She needs your credit card for socks? Yeah right. Great try in thinking you are so stupid to hand over your CC. If she indeed needed socks - why not just ask you if you could get her some?

Especially since we JUST returned home from the store where they sell socks! You know what's really crazy, if she were in the mood, she would have turned into world war three and made a valid argument (only in her mind) of WHY she needed the socks RIGHT NOW and how I was horrible, horrible, terrible mother that I wouldn't do it for her! It just infuriates me to no end to even think about it.

 

[2much2recover]

if she were in the mood, she would have turned into world war three and made a valid argument (only in her mind) of WHY she needed the socks RIGHT NOW and how I was horrible, horrible, terrible mother that I wouldn't do it for her!

: Gas-lighting on difficult child's part for sure!

 

[BusynMember]

This is just a suggestion. Take it or dump it

None of my kids got any clothes from my funds, except from thrift shops, if they didn't work by age sixteen (part time). All of kids, including 36, did not question THAT rule. They knew there was no way to have extra money any other way. They all worked part-time in high school and had jobs or went to school after graduating. It was necessary for me to have them help out with their own expenses. I ws divorced and had no extra money. But I think it was good for them that they realized they had to work or use community thrift shops, which are NOT bad by the way. All of my grown kids, even difficult child, have strong work ethics and are gainfully employed or in college.

They sell socks for maybe $1/pair at Goodwill or other thrift stores. They also have tons of nice used clothes. I work there. All the clothes are vetted there and my girls, in particular, love to get a bargain. Garage sales are a goldmine too, especially if you go to sales in wealthy neighborhoods. Nothing wrong with good second hand.

There is no way I'd give a credit card to a grown child who is not working. I feel it just sends the wrong message and just makes it easier to do the "failure to launch" bit and alternately depend on us and (often) also abuse us. Entitlement is ugly. That your daughter would demand a credit card at all, even for such a silly reason, is kind of telling me she has been given too much for too long. This may not be a fact, but in my opinion it is best to force them to work for their new and more expensive things than for us to just buy them. Even new socks should be a luxury that they buy themselves. If they don' have the six bucks for a package of socks and expect us to buy that, it is time for us, in my opinion, to pull back and let them either work or wear old or used things, even socks. Again, this is only my opinion.

I do agree with RE. At least you saw the humor in it and laughed. Maybe next time you may say, "You know, you're a woman now and you can work for your thing, even socks. I am not going to let you use my credit card anymore. It's not as a punishment to you. It is to help you grow up. I know you are smart and can find a way to buy your own necessities. You don't need me to take care of you anymore."