It's Not Over - More Drama Today
- Thread starter DaisyFace
- Start date
StressedM0mma
Active Member
Yay!! Hopefully that behavior will continue for the rest of the evening.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Thank goodness.
Seriously? I need to reward her for getting off the bus and eating ????
And if words are no good - then what?
Every day? Or just right now ? And then at what point do the rewards need to be "upped" so that they will outweigh the temptation of going to somebody else's house without permission?
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
See, Daisy, that's the problem... After all the behavior charts and keeping our cool and worrying our rears off... We should not HAVE to reward them for stuff like this.
Honestly, I'm with you. This is so minor... The reward of a non-growly stomach should be good enough. We preach natural consequences... This is one. (Another consequence of her being nice to you? You don't yell at her. Bwahahaha.)
Honestly, I'm with you. This is so minor... The reward of a non-growly stomach should be good enough. We preach natural consequences... This is one. (Another consequence of her being nice to you? You don't yell at her. Bwahahaha.)
Well, and then the problem becomes one of threats and manipulation:
If you get mad at me - I will run away.
I did NOT run away - you owe me a reward....if I don't get the reward I want - I will kill myself.
I did NOT kill myself - you owe me a reward....if I don't get the reward I want - I am taking your stuff.
You are mad at me for taking your stuff? - but that's what you get for giving me an insufficient reward - now I *REALLY* have to show you!
I feel like I have to find a whole new way of relating to my child. This whole concept of rewards and consequences (no matter how much the tdocs are preaching it) just feels like a vicious cycle.
Sorry here, too. My nerves are stretched to the breaking point right now (i'm hoping to get a little time to myself this weekend).
Getting off the bus and having an afterschool snack is the "usual" - that's why skipping snacks was a big warning sign.
My dilemma is always one of trying to maintain an even keel...Try not to react too much to postive OR negative - just maintain that calm. The personality disorder that everyone figures she has (but won't write down on paper until she turns 18) is Borderline. So I want my responses to be calm, even....NOT a conflict NOT, a confrontation (no matter how much husband thinks those might help) - but also not overly celebrating what should be ordinary responsibilities. If I praise her for not threatening suicide - I fear that becomes more of a bargaining chip to difficult child. If I watch for it - but say nothing....I think that's a better tactic. I let HER find an equilibrium without drawing too much attention to it. (Especially if she is fighting to maintain control of her emotions). You know yourself if you are trying not to cry, the WORST thing for anyone to do is give you that sympathetic look and ask if everything's OK - that will turn on the waterworks every time.
So my response was to "match" her energy level. Not too many questions - simple small talk. Quiet. Calm. No drama.
Interestingly - after I went to bed? difficult child tried to stir up some drama with husband...attitude, argumentative.
I'm not sure what that means. Quiet, calm with me - aggressive with husband.
L
liz
Guest
((HUGS!!)) I hope you are wrong about option B 
Prayers being said that it gets better from here!!
Prayers being said that it gets better from here!!
gcvmom
Here we go again!
Whew. I'm glad to hear she "snapped out" of the little pattern that seemed to be developing. I'd have been very concerned too, given her history. Any time we saw things like that in difficult child 1, where he was no longer interested in doing something that normally would light him up, it was a big red flag that depression was back.
I'm with you on the whole reward thing. At this age and even her level of development, verbal strokes really should be enough for the basic stuff and natural consequences, no matter how stubborn the difficult child, will eventually win out. in my opinion.
difficult child 1 used to run off, threaten to kill himself, say he would be better off dead, destroy things, not bathe, not change his clothes, refuse to cooperate, start fights for the pure stimulatory aspect, etc. I could tell, though, that it was mostly for show and mostly an issue of power underneath the mental health garbage, which just made it all a lot stickier.
I don't know how regularly you're able to get her to take medications, but if she's not, that could be a huge help and perhaps a motivator for her to get some of her privileges back that she wants so badly. The ol' do-to-get deal which I'm sure you know all too well. And maybe you've tried that already. To me, medications are even more important than getting the kid to go to school or brush their teeth or not drop an f bomb. Because I can't even get my kid to think about doing those other things if he's not stable. Please tell me to STHU if I'm way off base here (I have not been around much in a while or kept up on where everyone's at). What I've had to deal with has been microscopic compared to the scale of chaos you're facing and I don't mean to preach. I hope things settle down and you find some help soon.
I'm with you on the whole reward thing. At this age and even her level of development, verbal strokes really should be enough for the basic stuff and natural consequences, no matter how stubborn the difficult child, will eventually win out. in my opinion.
difficult child 1 used to run off, threaten to kill himself, say he would be better off dead, destroy things, not bathe, not change his clothes, refuse to cooperate, start fights for the pure stimulatory aspect, etc. I could tell, though, that it was mostly for show and mostly an issue of power underneath the mental health garbage, which just made it all a lot stickier.
I don't know how regularly you're able to get her to take medications, but if she's not, that could be a huge help and perhaps a motivator for her to get some of her privileges back that she wants so badly. The ol' do-to-get deal which I'm sure you know all too well. And maybe you've tried that already. To me, medications are even more important than getting the kid to go to school or brush their teeth or not drop an f bomb. Because I can't even get my kid to think about doing those other things if he's not stable. Please tell me to STHU if I'm way off base here (I have not been around much in a while or kept up on where everyone's at). What I've had to deal with has been microscopic compared to the scale of chaos you're facing and I don't mean to preach. I hope things settle down and you find some help soon.
