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Just needing to vent-sorry long
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 397497" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Whatever - it worked!</p><p></p><p>Sometimes you just have to go over and over what is appropriate and what is not. Generally I would avoid any shame or "it's dirty" line, but just a calm, "That's inappropriate; instead, do this," may work better. If you make him "do over" and do it nicely, you are re-patterning the behaviour pattern into something acceptable.</p><p></p><p>For example, a slap on the behind from him - "Come back here. Say sorry for hitting. Now say sorry for touching me there. Now, why did you do that? Were you trying to show affection? Then the right way to do that is to give me a hug. Now, give me a hug. OK, you can go do what you were doing now."</p><p>A pat on the shoulder as he goes past is acceptable.</p><p></p><p>It's also important to make sure nobody is doing that sort of thing to him, because these kids often dish out what is done to them, because it sets an example. Not always, obviously.</p><p></p><p>I used to have a boss who would pat me on the rear as he said, "We don't have any sexual harassment in the workplace here, do we darl?"</p><p>I knew I couldn't formally complain; he was "only joking". So I began to sexually harass my work colleagues back - I found some nude male pictures and stuck them up on the walls. There were no actual "naughty bits" showing (this actually made it worse form the male point of view - the pics looked emasculated). Every time I got harassed or a naked lady picture went up, I would get another male centrefold on the wall. Or a sexist ant-male joke. The guys got the message, fast.</p><p></p><p>If I had got offended or angry, it would have escalated the sexual war. But by keeping it light (but firm) and definitely not with any sense of fear, disgust or loathing, the blokes in my workplace accepted me and my female oddness and learned to leave me alone. With the boss - for patting me on the rear, I patted him on his bald head and commented that I would need to bring in my polishing rag... of course, you say this in front of the other workers, never alone.</p><p></p><p>With any sexual harassment, never show fear or disgust. Boredom works better. Never let the harasser have the upper hand or feel powerful, strong or clever for what they have done.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 397497, member: 1991"] Whatever - it worked! Sometimes you just have to go over and over what is appropriate and what is not. Generally I would avoid any shame or "it's dirty" line, but just a calm, "That's inappropriate; instead, do this," may work better. If you make him "do over" and do it nicely, you are re-patterning the behaviour pattern into something acceptable. For example, a slap on the behind from him - "Come back here. Say sorry for hitting. Now say sorry for touching me there. Now, why did you do that? Were you trying to show affection? Then the right way to do that is to give me a hug. Now, give me a hug. OK, you can go do what you were doing now." A pat on the shoulder as he goes past is acceptable. It's also important to make sure nobody is doing that sort of thing to him, because these kids often dish out what is done to them, because it sets an example. Not always, obviously. I used to have a boss who would pat me on the rear as he said, "We don't have any sexual harassment in the workplace here, do we darl?" I knew I couldn't formally complain; he was "only joking". So I began to sexually harass my work colleagues back - I found some nude male pictures and stuck them up on the walls. There were no actual "naughty bits" showing (this actually made it worse form the male point of view - the pics looked emasculated). Every time I got harassed or a naked lady picture went up, I would get another male centrefold on the wall. Or a sexist ant-male joke. The guys got the message, fast. If I had got offended or angry, it would have escalated the sexual war. But by keeping it light (but firm) and definitely not with any sense of fear, disgust or loathing, the blokes in my workplace accepted me and my female oddness and learned to leave me alone. With the boss - for patting me on the rear, I patted him on his bald head and commented that I would need to bring in my polishing rag... of course, you say this in front of the other workers, never alone. With any sexual harassment, never show fear or disgust. Boredom works better. Never let the harasser have the upper hand or feel powerful, strong or clever for what they have done. Marg [/QUOTE]
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