PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
I got a quick note from the PO stating that she won't be getting out today or anytime soon unless it is to residential treatment. She is supposed to call me after court and let me know everything that happened...
Just talked to the PO
- Thread starter PatriotsGirl
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PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Just talked to her PO. She said the judge ripped into difficult child really, really bad. That difficult child was non-stop crying and that if the judge had talked to her like that, she would never want to come out of hiding. The judge noticed that I was not there and made mention of that fact and how bad she messed up. The judge has ordered her held - took the balance of her probation away and she is to stay in jail until they find a residential treatment program for her. So far, she found one program that is 6 months long but there is a waiting list and she wouldn't get in until the spring. That same place has a residential 6 week program (6 weeks is worthless I am sorry, that is a joke. But she said if that is all they can find, then that is the best they could do. difficult child will have to go to sober living or something after that because in my opinion 6 weeks is not long enough for anything.). But she is going to make some more calls in hopes to find something longer term.
And she still thinks I am going to rescue her - the probation officer told the judge that she wanted her held because difficult child had nowhere to go and PO did not feel comfortable letting difficult child go when she had nowhere to go. PO told me that difficult child actually told the judge that I would pick her up that day if she called me.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? And THAT shows me just how much I have been rescuing her and how she counts on that, even still. :/ Not.going.to.happen.
And she still thinks I am going to rescue her - the probation officer told the judge that she wanted her held because difficult child had nowhere to go and PO did not feel comfortable letting difficult child go when she had nowhere to go. PO told me that difficult child actually told the judge that I would pick her up that day if she called me.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? And THAT shows me just how much I have been rescuing her and how she counts on that, even still. :/ Not.going.to.happen.
comatheart
Active Member
I'm curious to know who finds it as well?
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Wasn't a rough day for me. I no longer feel tied to her decisions at all. It is actually quite freeing. My focus is on Connor where it needs to be and I am thankful she cannot just show up at our door.
The probation officer finds the programs. She needs to find one that is funded and based on income because we have made it very clear that we will not pay for anything (and she does not blame us for that!). Nope. Been there done that and it was a waste. If she wants to be clean and wants to be a mother to her son, she will be able to do that at a free rehab. If the 6 week one is all she can find, then difficult child will need to go to sober living for a while...a long while...
The probation officer finds the programs. She needs to find one that is funded and based on income because we have made it very clear that we will not pay for anything (and she does not blame us for that!). Nope. Been there done that and it was a waste. If she wants to be clean and wants to be a mother to her son, she will be able to do that at a free rehab. If the 6 week one is all she can find, then difficult child will need to go to sober living for a while...a long while...
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
MUCH better - they are applying for a 10 - 12 month program for difficult child an hour away...she doesn't have to pay anything upfront, but once she gets a job, she will have to pay them back. Fingers crossed she will get in that one...
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
AND they have beds open so looks like it may happen pretty quickly...the PO is bringing her the paperwork to fill out on Thursday. Now the PO said they only have control over her until July because that is when her sentence ends, which means she could walk away at that point. But, I told her that would mean she is walking away from her son and if she does that, he is better off without her and she can just leave us alone.
It is another mommy and me program, but that still won't be happening. We will not turn his world upside down on the chance that she will stay in recovery...
It is another mommy and me program, but that still won't be happening. We will not turn his world upside down on the chance that she will stay in recovery...
stressedmama
Active Member
Oh I so hope this program works out for her! And I hope she does well and sticks with it - even after July. Like you said, if she truly wants Connor back, and what's best for him, she'll find a way to stick to it.
I love your attitude, too!! I'm doing the happy dance for you right now!!
I love your attitude, too!! I'm doing the happy dance for you right now!!
My good friend is in a long term rehab program like that, except he is there not court order, but on his own. I can't even begin to tell you the amazing turn around. He has been a filthy, stinkin, drinkin alcoholic for over 15 years to the brink of death multiple times over. He has now been sober since April (for the first time ever), has a real good job and only pays like $150.00 a week. These long term programs seem to really work, because if he can do it, ANYONE can do it and I have to believe that the place he is at and how long it is has a lot to do with it, because he was a LOST cause. She should count her lucky stars that she can get into a place like that.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
She is being given quite a gift. Again. I hope she gets something out of it...
Meanwhile, I have Connor home with me today...poor bug is sick and has a fever...
Meanwhile, I have Connor home with me today...poor bug is sick and has a fever...
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
I am equally lucky to have him... <3 he brings us a a lot of joy and keeps me on my toes! LOL
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Just talked to difficult child. She has been sending out letters to rehabs and asked if she sent me some of I would send them for her. I asked if her po had been to see her and she said no. I explained that she found a program. She was very excited to hear that and didn't even protest when I told her the program was a year long. She asked if she could have Connor there and I said no and explained our reasons why. She surprisingly said she understands and thanked me for not continuing to enable her.
So, we will see. Sounds like she is open to treatment this time. The fact that she had been writing them on her own is a good sign. She said there is a church that comes in and gives service that has been giving her the rehab information.
We will see what happens. It was just nice to have a conversation with her where she was understanding and talking about getting it together...I told her if she doesn't, then she needs to just leave us alone...
So, we will see. Sounds like she is open to treatment this time. The fact that she had been writing them on her own is a good sign. She said there is a church that comes in and gives service that has been giving her the rehab information.
We will see what happens. It was just nice to have a conversation with her where she was understanding and talking about getting it together...I told her if she doesn't, then she needs to just leave us alone...
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
PO just emailed me and is bringing the paperwork to her today.
The place sounds incredible. It really does. Reading further into their website, graduates are allowed to have their children there with them. So they also agree that the children shouldn't be there until the parent is in a good place. The minimum rehab portion is 10 months, but after that they provide private housing on their property where they begin reunifying with their loved ones while still having that support. The program is unlimited participation and they have a program for people who relapse. It is a faith based ministry rehab out in the middle of nowhere for women. No men there to distract her. I looked at the weekly schedule and the classes and oh my. What a gift she is being given. Seriously. They individualize each woman's treatment program - she will have an assigned case worker, counseling, classes - everything. LOTS of rules and restrictions but that is a good thing. She needs that structure.
So I am excited about the program but now it is all on her and what she does with it. If she walks away from this, my goodness, I don't know what. I think we will just have to cut off communication all together at that point and seek adoption of Connor.
The place sounds incredible. It really does. Reading further into their website, graduates are allowed to have their children there with them. So they also agree that the children shouldn't be there until the parent is in a good place. The minimum rehab portion is 10 months, but after that they provide private housing on their property where they begin reunifying with their loved ones while still having that support. The program is unlimited participation and they have a program for people who relapse. It is a faith based ministry rehab out in the middle of nowhere for women. No men there to distract her. I looked at the weekly schedule and the classes and oh my. What a gift she is being given. Seriously. They individualize each woman's treatment program - she will have an assigned case worker, counseling, classes - everything. LOTS of rules and restrictions but that is a good thing. She needs that structure.
So I am excited about the program but now it is all on her and what she does with it. If she walks away from this, my goodness, I don't know what. I think we will just have to cut off communication all together at that point and seek adoption of Connor.
stressedmama
Active Member
That is super news! I really hope she gets it together...and I'm happy your difficult child is saying she wants Connor back when the time is right. Hopefully her actions will prove it. My difficult child hit 90 days yesterday, which is awesome. But I still don't think her priorities are where husband and I think they should be. Neither one of us believe she's coming back for our GS. We are prepared for the long haul and are happy to have him.
Bottom line is, actions speak louder than words. I hope everything works out with this program and your difficult child gets in and sticks with it. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!!
Bottom line is, actions speak louder than words. I hope everything works out with this program and your difficult child gets in and sticks with it. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!!
This is good news PG. She is a fortunate young woman to have you to support her son and to have this opportunity. I hope she uses all the support she's being given.......
