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Life has turned again...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760541" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>At a certain age I think kids have a say in court about which parent they live with. And some kids just start running away. Maybe to give yourself a break, you can give him to his Dad more often. I don't know who son is with now (friends?) but it doesn't sound ideal...with these kids, what IS?</p><p></p><p>We have to take care of ourselves too. My daughter whined so much about her birthmorher that she had never met, and was so unkind to us, that, given a chance, we would have eventually given in and let her live with her birthmom. It seems to be a driving need within Kay to know her and be HER child. As much as it hurts us, we are not enough for her and she used to abuse us when she lived with us and after. It hurt the entire family.</p><p></p><p>So if she could have found the mother who gave birth to her, which seems to be the most important thing to her about parents, we would have done it at least for a while. We can't locate the woman...she is from a very poor country.</p><p></p><p>In the end, if Kay ever locates her, she will find a way to leave this country and go to her birthmorher anyway. One day your son probably would have started running away to Dad. I don't know if we can stop it. If they don't want to live with us they let us know and we don't deserve to be abused for loving them. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like to save ourselves and let them sate their curiousity. Even if we hate it.</p><p></p><p>Divorce is hard. Adoption is hard. Kids are hard. Maybe for them we are hard. What a mess.</p><p></p><p>Sending love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760541, member: 23706"] At a certain age I think kids have a say in court about which parent they live with. And some kids just start running away. Maybe to give yourself a break, you can give him to his Dad more often. I don't know who son is with now (friends?) but it doesn't sound ideal...with these kids, what IS? We have to take care of ourselves too. My daughter whined so much about her birthmorher that she had never met, and was so unkind to us, that, given a chance, we would have eventually given in and let her live with her birthmom. It seems to be a driving need within Kay to know her and be HER child. As much as it hurts us, we are not enough for her and she used to abuse us when she lived with us and after. It hurt the entire family. So if she could have found the mother who gave birth to her, which seems to be the most important thing to her about parents, we would have done it at least for a while. We can't locate the woman...she is from a very poor country. In the end, if Kay ever locates her, she will find a way to leave this country and go to her birthmorher anyway. One day your son probably would have started running away to Dad. I don't know if we can stop it. If they don't want to live with us they let us know and we don't deserve to be abused for loving them. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like to save ourselves and let them sate their curiousity. Even if we hate it. Divorce is hard. Adoption is hard. Kids are hard. Maybe for them we are hard. What a mess. Sending love. [/QUOTE]
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