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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760585" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I tried this.</p><p></p><p>Kay seemed to know I missed her and was smug about it. She did not seem to appreciate it or care and a few times said "You're pathetic. You can't live without me but I'm fine without you." Cruel? Very. Honest? I don't know. She doesn't seem to miss us. For her we were money and comfort. As people who raised and loved her? Kay doesn't seem to have the emotions to care. Will your son be like this? Probably not. Unlikely. Will he suddenly miss you as a person and realize all you've done? I don't know if these kids think that way. I hope so. Is it good to send I love yous. I'm sure he knows you do. It's very up to you.</p><p></p><p>If I have learned anything at all in these decades of a difficult child, I have learned that many seemed wired in unusual ways and that whatever we do, we must do it without any expectations. We can't know how they will react. RNs son had a deep attachment to his family, bless him, so he wanted to please them and thankfully is. My daughter is not attached except for what we used to give her. So the motivation that she will please us because she loves us isn't there...it will always be about herself and what she wants to do, not us. She knows we love her and doesn't seem moved by it.</p><p></p><p> There are kids all over the place here and we never know how they will respond. So I have learned not to have expectations, just live in the moment and go one day at a time. Yes, after twenty years of hopeful expectation in response to our love, we found peace in no expectations, our self love and loving those who love us back in kind ways. </p><p></p><p>Your son is very young. You did nothing but love him. He is wired differently and you can't know how his story will go. Very young is good. Kay is in her 30s. Young is better. He has time to decide to get help and change. It will be up to him. It always is up to them.</p><p></p><p>You can change yourself though. It is very worth working on yourself. You want Son to work on himself so why not do the same? Why not do what we hope they do and at least be our best?</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760585, member: 23706"] I tried this. Kay seemed to know I missed her and was smug about it. She did not seem to appreciate it or care and a few times said "You're pathetic. You can't live without me but I'm fine without you." Cruel? Very. Honest? I don't know. She doesn't seem to miss us. For her we were money and comfort. As people who raised and loved her? Kay doesn't seem to have the emotions to care. Will your son be like this? Probably not. Unlikely. Will he suddenly miss you as a person and realize all you've done? I don't know if these kids think that way. I hope so. Is it good to send I love yous. I'm sure he knows you do. It's very up to you. If I have learned anything at all in these decades of a difficult child, I have learned that many seemed wired in unusual ways and that whatever we do, we must do it without any expectations. We can't know how they will react. RNs son had a deep attachment to his family, bless him, so he wanted to please them and thankfully is. My daughter is not attached except for what we used to give her. So the motivation that she will please us because she loves us isn't there...it will always be about herself and what she wants to do, not us. She knows we love her and doesn't seem moved by it. There are kids all over the place here and we never know how they will respond. So I have learned not to have expectations, just live in the moment and go one day at a time. Yes, after twenty years of hopeful expectation in response to our love, we found peace in no expectations, our self love and loving those who love us back in kind ways. Your son is very young. You did nothing but love him. He is wired differently and you can't know how his story will go. Very young is good. Kay is in her 30s. Young is better. He has time to decide to get help and change. It will be up to him. It always is up to them. You can change yourself though. It is very worth working on yourself. You want Son to work on himself so why not do the same? Why not do what we hope they do and at least be our best? Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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