Long and winded sorry

[Nancy]

Elmo I am so sorry and I too hear the desperation in your post. I haven't read the other replies but I am sure they have given you good advice. I beg you to get him out of your house even if you have to call the police. Do not spend one more day away from your home and do not let him back in. Your son spent the entire tax return in one day, that means he is using big time. Please check your house to see what if anything he took to sell.

You need to take charge of your life and your marrigae and protect your other child. This is not fair to any of you. Your son ins an addict and he needs help but he cannot continue to abuse you and that is what he is doing.

I hope you realize that what I say is said only with deep concern and caring for you. Please let us know you are OK.

 

[diana71]

Your story is so similar to mine. My son is also addicted to the synthetic marijuana (spice or K2 or whatever brand he can get). I can't get him help. He even agreed to go into rehab and I took him there but the insurance declined paying for it because it is a legal substance in Texas where I live. Can you believe that?! I have kicked him out several times but he just breaks windows to get in. I have had so much stolen from me it isn't funny. He is on probation but I don't think he has been going. I have tried calling his PO but her voice mail is full and she doesn't answer. I have called 3x a day for two weeks to get her. The stuff is highly addictive and I have watched my son go through the withdrawls from it twice and it is bad. Shaking, sweating, anxiety, body aches. But I can't get him help unless I pay for it. I have tried asking him to go to NA meetings and he agreed to go to one and I told him I wanted proof he went and he came home with no proof and a bunch of BS lies! My 16yo daughter is threatening to move out if I don't throw him out and so is my husband. But every time I throw him out he just comes back. I know I have to throw him out for good and if he comes back call the police. I wish he was in jail, that way I would be able to sleep at night. The K2 will make them black out and do horrible things. I am scared in my own home just like you are so I feel your pain. If anyone knows any suggestions on how I can get my son help I would love to hear it. I hit brick walls every time. Although he doesn't want help. He tells me I am crazy and that he doesn't do any drugs or the K2 stuff yet I find the wrappers all the time and he will be up for days and then crash for a day. He was also doing heroin and then quit but the other day I found 2 needles under his mattress. He says they are from before and I can't prove it one way or the other.

 

[toughlovin]

Elmo,

I so sympathize as I have been there. My son has had several arrests and has also used Spice as well as other drugs. Don't give up hope forever....I do agree with the idea of detaching with love, meaning set good boundaries and take care of yourself and find ways to not be so caught up in what is going on with him. Impossible I know but try to take steps in that direction. You dont have control over him, his life or his decisions.

So as part of the boundaries.... I do think you should get him out of your house (if he is not already) and reclaim your home as your sanctuary. Dont give him any money... he will use it for drugs. If he is going to keep using drugs then he needs to find his own place to live or not.....

You may have read my story and in many ways it is similar to yours. My son has been to many rehabs... and a 18 months ago was homeless... That was totally awful for me as I was worried terribly about him but we let him be homeless. Eventually he wanted to come in from the cold and agreed to rehab..... did that and did well for awhile and relapsed.....many things happened but eventually he was arrested and spent some time in jail. Got into drug court. We told the court that he could not come home and live with us (we have a younger daughter which made that decision very clear to us). So drug court eventually found him long term residential treatment. He has now been there for 5 months and is doing well! It is the longest he has stayed in treatment and he seems to be getting on track. I know very well this could change but for the moment I am mostly hopeful.

So my advice is dont completely turn your back on him.... stay in touch, continue to let him know you love him but have good firm and clear boundaries about what you will and will not do for him. For me with my son that includes not having him live with me, not giving him any money, not making things easy on him. However I will buy him a meal some place, I did get him a sleeping bag etc. Now that he is in rehab I am getting him a few things and giving a bit of money for stuff.

Hang in there... this is a tough journey.

TL


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[elmo1015]

Well, let's see, where to start. I did not tell the cops about the arm or the terrorizing that went on. I know that I is my fault but I cannot be the one that sends him to prison. We did give him the money and he left. In Florida it's not easy to make someone to leave your house if it is their residence and there is not a lease in place. The money didn't last long. But he did not come back to the house. We did pay for a room for him a few times but paid directly to the hotel so I know it didn't go to drugs. He started to go right. He was doing really well and had no where to go one night because we had stopped paying for the hotel. Hubby and I talked and offered to let him back in the house but only because he signed a lease that stated the amount of rent to pay and 3 main rules (no drinking or drugs, no holes in walls, and no "fits"). Since if you have a lease, you can evict them. He didn't have a lease so that is why we couldn't evict him. He's been doing good for the last month. Not sure what happened this morning but he and his girlfriend had it out and he had a fit. I don't know if hubby is going to make him leave or what is going to happen. He did not put any holes in anything. The 2 of them were arguing and she ended up punching him. I am so distraught. I guess I need to start reading my book again.

 

[Nancy]

Elmo I'm glad to see you but sorry that things are still on a roller coaster with your difficult child. How long has your son been back in your house? Is he working and paying rent? If he has a job then it's time he start looking for his own place. If he doesn't have a job you may want to give him a deadlie for getting a job and then one for moving out...on good terms.

 

[elmo1015]

He does have a job and he is paying rent. He doesn't really make enough to get his own place. That's the problem. Saturday night he did agree to counseling. His girlfriend has had enough and told him that they are done if he doesn't get help. Let's hope he goes.

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