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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 734224" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi TL, it is nice to see you, though I wish the circumstances for your son were different.</p><p> The thing is, he is making attempts. It may take a few for him to break free.</p><p>I think it is the same for us. It takes time to work through the grief of this, to go through all of the stages of grief and our desperate attempts to save our kids, to come to recognize that <em>they have to save themselves. They have to want to save themselves.</em></p><p> <em></em>I see this overall synchronistic decline in our own lives, as we try to deal with the disastrous choices our beloveds make. </p><p>The term used is codependency, I <em>dislike</em> that term.</p><p>I get it, it is unhealthy for us to live our lives dependent upon what others choices are. But I do believe that it takes time to learn to grab our own lives back and pull up and away from addictions hold on our adult children and subsequently, us.</p><p>I am glad to see that you are pulling away from that hold, and doing things to build yourself up. I believe that focusing on our own health and well being truly helps our beloveds to understand that that is what they need to do. We are their first mentors.</p><p>Breaking free from the grip of addiction. I think it festers over and tries to snatch us too, tries to destroy our lives along with our adult children, so that we become so wrapped up that we can’t think straight. We start to lose ourselves. Grieve over mistakes made, blame ourselves. Our addicted loved ones relish in giving over accountability for their own actions, it is a part of the disease that infects us, as we reel those tapes looking for answers, when the true answer is that our kids grew up and made bad choices.</p><p>Accountability. It is such an important key for all humans to learn and grow from our experiences. I believe as we begin to take our lives back, we release accountability to where it belongs.</p><p> With our adult children.</p><p>We stop blaming ourselves, and they cannot keep blaming us. They have to look within.</p><p>It doesn’t mean we don’t care what happens to them.</p><p>It means we know that sacrificing our own lives will not stop them from the paths they travel, the choices they make.</p><p>I am glad you are finding ways to bring joy to your life.</p><p>I’m glad you posted TL, I have missed you, and others who post and then don’t. I always hope that means they are doing well and making strides in their own lives. It seems this is true for you, dear sister.</p><p>As far as the worry. I have found that when my thoughts turn to wondering, then that sinking dread about my two, I take a deep breath and say a prayer.</p><p>It helps to create a shield of faith and hope that someday soon they will find their true potential.</p><p>In the meantime, finding my own has become my goal. I hope you find yours as well, along with peace of mind.</p><p>You have done so much for your son.</p><p> He has that to fall back on, and the strength within himself to choose better.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 734224, member: 19522"] Hi TL, it is nice to see you, though I wish the circumstances for your son were different. The thing is, he is making attempts. It may take a few for him to break free. I think it is the same for us. It takes time to work through the grief of this, to go through all of the stages of grief and our desperate attempts to save our kids, to come to recognize that [I]they have to save themselves. They have to want to save themselves. [/I]I see this overall synchronistic decline in our own lives, as we try to deal with the disastrous choices our beloveds make. The term used is codependency, I [I]dislike[/I] that term. I get it, it is unhealthy for us to live our lives dependent upon what others choices are. But I do believe that it takes time to learn to grab our own lives back and pull up and away from addictions hold on our adult children and subsequently, us. I am glad to see that you are pulling away from that hold, and doing things to build yourself up. I believe that focusing on our own health and well being truly helps our beloveds to understand that that is what they need to do. We are their first mentors. Breaking free from the grip of addiction. I think it festers over and tries to snatch us too, tries to destroy our lives along with our adult children, so that we become so wrapped up that we can’t think straight. We start to lose ourselves. Grieve over mistakes made, blame ourselves. Our addicted loved ones relish in giving over accountability for their own actions, it is a part of the disease that infects us, as we reel those tapes looking for answers, when the true answer is that our kids grew up and made bad choices. Accountability. It is such an important key for all humans to learn and grow from our experiences. I believe as we begin to take our lives back, we release accountability to where it belongs. With our adult children. We stop blaming ourselves, and they cannot keep blaming us. They have to look within. It doesn’t mean we don’t care what happens to them. It means we know that sacrificing our own lives will not stop them from the paths they travel, the choices they make. I am glad you are finding ways to bring joy to your life. I’m glad you posted TL, I have missed you, and others who post and then don’t. I always hope that means they are doing well and making strides in their own lives. It seems this is true for you, dear sister. As far as the worry. I have found that when my thoughts turn to wondering, then that sinking dread about my two, I take a deep breath and say a prayer. It helps to create a shield of faith and hope that someday soon they will find their true potential. In the meantime, finding my own has become my goal. I hope you find yours as well, along with peace of mind. You have done so much for your son. He has that to fall back on, and the strength within himself to choose better. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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