I have no real topic here, I'm just going to vent. This week, for some reason, I just feel like I'm falling apart. During all of these years and of all of this BS with my sons, I've always had a sliver of hope. I don't know why... maybe it's a mom thing... but I've always felt with both that they would make a turn for the better at some point. There's been, between them, numerous failed attempts at higher education, depression, rehab, an overdose, jail, car crashes, a psychiatric ward, and a complete unwillingness to work (I'll bet I'm even forgetting something). And still.... hope. And for no particular reason at all, it occurred to me this week that the chances that either or both will come around ANYTIME soon, are mostly non-existent. My youngest has opportunities right now that he's just wasting. I'm not quite sure how he's managing to tie his own shoes. My oldest turns 27 next weekend, doesn't leave the house (he doesn't live with me), and won't talk to me. All opportunities are thisclose to coming to an end and I see them both destitute and homeless. Because that's what happens when you don't take care of yourself, at ALL. And it's hitting me hard right now. I'm tearing up even now, but that is mostly because I haven't slept all week. I'll sleep from about 10pm-1am, wake up and think about these things, stay awake and then go to work. I have a headache that won't go away. I know it's not a permanent solution, but I may see a doctor for a mild anti-anxiety medication. Anyone have any experience with this? I've always been emotionally healthy (not bragging....purely lucky), so I don't know much of that. But I'm feeling these things physically now and I need help. I know the error of my thinking and I come here probably every day to look over the detachment article at the top of the community. I recite that stuff in my mind as I try to sleep. I don't understand my feelings right now and the disconnect to all things logical. I'm a fairly smart, and very reasonable person and I know my feelings are neither of those things. I can't control them. Thank you for listening.