Marijuana? Your thoughts please.

[JMom]

I was wondering how you all feel about your loved ones using marijuana. I remember when I found out my son was smoking marijuana at 16, I was devastated. Fast forward to 20 years old, he was using Heroine, Meth, Cocaine, Xanax, Hydrocodone, Huffing canned air, K2 and probably anything else he could get his hands on. When he got sober at 21 (after being homeless for 8 months) he soon returned to smoking weed.

I was initially disappointed, but I have to shamefully admit that I was relieved that it wasn't opiates or other harder drugs. He did have a short stint with pills, but has since stopped (his words). So aside from any hard drug relapses am I crazy to be somewhat accepting of marijuana usage? My reasons are various, (in my opinion) it is less dangerous, and I don't worry as much about legal trouble, his anger issues (it makes him feel "normal") or theft and other behaviors commonly associated with crime. He has stayed employed for four years at the same company and is successful. That is important to me because it allows him to take care of himself, as an adult should.

All of that said, my prayer is for him not to do ANY drug and he is not allowed in our home, cars or permitted to be around or call family when he is high ( I can tell when he smokes). We usually see him once a week (he lives an hour from us) and he takes his sisters to do something and stays for dinner. If he is ever in town and I ask to see him-he will say I'm not in a " way" to visit family. So the boundaries are strong and respected.

I have often wondered if other parents on this site are accepting of weed or more of a zero tolerance kind of vibe. I won't be defensive or offended if you don't agree, I just wanted your thoughts on the subject.

Thanks for sharing,
JMOM

 

[Blindsided]

JMom, I can only share what I know. MMJ has helped my son. He has struggled with Bi-Polar (diagnosis'd at 17, now 46), but is very pill phobic, including opioids, always has been. When he moved to California for a job (over 20 years ago), he got a medical card in hopes that nature's MMJ would help his swings and his anxiety. He is acutely aware of his behaviors and so remorseful when he lets the mania take control. That said, I found out later that he had smoked it in high school. Today, he is at the top of his field. He is sought out by others because of his expertise. I don't know if the same could be true for your son, because the situation is different, but your son's willingness to respect your boundaries is a very adult thing. In my son's case, he never did any other drugs that I know of. Right? He doesn't drink alcohol, he and his wife just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary, and he is very successful. That makes me think he does benefit from it.

My Difficult Child is my 41 y.o. pregnant daughter, who has never been interested in marijuana. She instead is an alcoholic, though she did stop all drinking the minute she found out she was pregnant, so I am hopeful; I walk on eggshells, still. So I understand your concern about marijuana.

I am glad to hear your son is showing signs of progress.

In healing

 

[Nandina]

Hi JMom,

I think there are a lot of people who can and do smoke marijuana casually and not have it adversely affect their lives. My 19 year old son is not one of them. My husband and I think it is his downfall. And that is pretty much his drug of choice.

He is quite open about how much he smokes and the fact that when he was working, every payday his first priority was buying more weed. They say you can’t get ”addicted” to marijuana—if he is not addicted to mj, he is at least addicted to being high. Whatever amount he buys, he smokes it all up in a matter of days. He does everything to excess like that, including drinking. There is no happy medium with him—it’s all or nothing! But he is also a reckless kid in general, not just with mj.

His use of mj affects his ability to get jobs if there is a drug test required. It has also affected his ability to function on a daily basis, and he has missed work because he got too stoned the night before, stayed up late and was too tired to wake up.

The potency of today’s mj is concerning to us. Not like the weed of our youth. My son already has some issues with how his brain functions and I can only imagine how many brain cells have been destroyed through his daily smoking of mj over the last year and a half, since he left home.

I talked to him since he was a small child about drugs and that he would be predisposed to addiction if he tried drugs and not ever to start, as his birth family on both sides are all drug addicts and/or alcoholics. When he turned 18, it was almost as if he couldn’t WAIT to try weed. The kids in school were doing it. He wanted to fit in. He ended up loving it and says it makes him feel “normal.” (he has ADHD)

I can’t influence him anymore (not sure I ever did) but like you, I can insist that he not be high around me, in my car or in the home and that is my boundary. He is fairly good about respecting it.

Jmom, I would feel the same way as you do if my son were showing the signs of growth that your son is. They are going to do what they are going to do regardless of our opinion. But a little mj use in his own home, though not ideal, is a far cry from the meth, cocaine and heroin use of his past.

 

[newstart]

I was wondering how you all feel about your loved ones using marijuana. I remember when I found out my son was smoking marijuana at 16, I was devastated. Fast forward to 20 years old, he was using Heroine, Meth, Cocaine, Xanax, Hydrocodone, Huffing canned air, K2 and probably anything else he could get his hands on. When he got sober at 21 (after being homeless for 8 months) he soon returned to smoking weed.

I was initially disappointed, but I have to shamefully admit that I was relieved that it wasn't opiates or other harder drugs. He did have a short stint with pills, but has since stopped (his words). So aside from any hard drug relapses am I crazy to be somewhat accepting of marijuana usage? My reasons are various, (in my opinion) it is less dangerous, and I don't worry as much about legal trouble, his anger issues (it makes him feel "normal") or theft and other behaviors commonly associated with crime. He has stayed employed for four years at the same company and is successful. That is important to me because it allows him to take care of himself, as an adult should.

All of that said, my prayer is for him not to do ANY drug and he is not allowed in our home, cars or permitted to be around or call family when he is high ( I can tell when he smokes). We usually see him once a week (he lives an hour from us) and he takes his sisters to do something and stays for dinner. If he is ever in town and I ask to see him-he will say I'm not in a " way" to visit family. So the boundaries are strong and respected.

I have often wondered if other parents on this site are accepting of weed or more of a zero tolerance kind of vibe. I won't be defensive or offended if you don't agree, I just wanted your thoughts on the subject.

Thanks for sharing,
JMOM

Hi JMOM, I came from a generation that smoked a lot of pot. I smoked it for a little while. I enjoyed it very much, I loved the smell and taste. I am 63 and have not smoked it since I was about 21. As I got older and more mature I felt it was just holding me back, it made me lazy, hungry and a bit shy. (I am very social). One summer about 5 years ago I was working with a bunch of pot smoking teens and told them that pot can make them very hungry so if they want to lose weight (and most of them did need to lose the weight) they need to think about it. I got most of them to quit.
When I was 16 and my friend was 17 we smoked a bunch of pot and then ordered a large pitza, just the two of us, we still were hungry, ordered a medium ate that, later got an entire German chocolate cake and cut it in half, not a small one either, ate all of it and with the cake we split a gallon of whole milk. After that I hardly smoked it just rarely to be social. My friend still smokes it at age 64 and she is super heavy. I know people my age smoke it regularly. I am NOT for it other than medicinal purposes.

I would rather see someone smoke pot than drink alcohol.
After all the drugs your son did, I would probably not say anything about his pot. It sounds like it is working for him since he has kept this job. I just pray he can grow out of it and just put healthy things into his body.

 

[AnotherMom58]

The issue boils down, to me, to my son not being able to be responsible and mature when he’s using drugs. Any kind of drugs, including marijuana. He used to smoke it when he was in high school and it effected his behavior for the worse. Some people may be able to smoke it every now and then and live normal adult life. Not my son.

 

[skittles]

Hi Jmom
Maybe im not the best to opine, im in Canada where weed is legal and socially acceptible. If you light a cigarette you get lambasted, light a joint and no one bats an eye. Even before it became legal here it was pretty much socially tolerated. Because of that , i’ve seen people that smoke and people that drink and I far prefer people that smoke. if people are talking about gateway drugs I think alcohol is just as bad if not worse. To me those get that get involved in harder drugs would have done so regardless of whether they began smoking weed or not, I do not think smoking weed is the cause of drug abuse or the gateway to drug abuse. I think it is mental health that is the issue. so honestly to me marijuana is a complete non-issue. I don’t know if that’s just a cultural a Canadian thing or not

 

[BusynMember1]

Some people can not smoke pot. I am one. My daughter is addicted to pot and it affects her badly. Just like alcohol it's okay for some but not others it is the same.

 

[RN0441]

Hi JMom

I also grew up smoking MJ and my son started out that way at 15 and went south fast - see my signature. However where we are from, Illinois, it is now legal. We just spent time at our condo in Florida last week (an annual trip) with Chicago friends who we have known for 25 years. All 50 and above. One, a retired police officer provided gummies for anyone who wanted them as he takes them for back pain. I did not partake as I get random drug testing but they think nothing of it and I didn't care either.

Now as for my Difficult Child, he does smoke but he is in school full time (only online now due to COVID) and works and is pretty good at following most rules we set as well as doing things for us. We are okay with him drinking beer but found he drank harder liquor when we were gone which we do NOT approve of. It's okay if he has a margarita at dinner with us but not okay to do it in his room.

I sometimes feel we send conflicting messages but it is what it is and I can't control everything nor do I want to. Husband is going to have a chat with him tonight. We spilled out his booze (wasn't a lot) but husband did not want to touch his MJ since he says "everyone is doing it" and he is very respectful with it around us.

I don't know. I am always trying to find a happy medium. Is anything ever perfect?? After where we've come from with our son we are happy to see where he is now. That may not be okay for some - and that is all up to each individual - but we are okay with improvements we have seen. He still needs a lot of guidance for his age but things are slowly improving. I'm not sure I can expect more than that.

 

[ChickPea]

I think there are a lot of people who can and do smoke marijuana casually and not have it adversely affect their lives. My 19 year old son is not one of them. My husband and I think it is his downfall. And that is pretty much his drug of choice.

This is my daughter. She smokes and is cut off emotionally, and often mean. It does not do her well. But she also smokes street weed, and that is not clean. It is not legal here right now, however. Different drugs affect people differently. I'm not necessarily against MJ, but (as other's mentioned with alcohol), some just can't do it.

 

[Copabanana]

my prayer is for him not to do ANY drug

I hate marijuana. It is legal in my state which I believe was close to the worst decision ever. If I had to name one thing that I believe is responsible for my son's problems, its this.

This is what I think:

Your boundaries are firm. Every single limit seems reasonable to me.

This is his life,not yours. These are his mistakes, and not yours. (And he is doing some good, good things.)

Until our children decide to stop use, and that's a big IF in my son's case, I believe it's not our business. I tried for the longest time to set limits with his mj, when my son lived in a home I own. Nothing worked. Finally, he left.

To me I think your son is being respectful of you and your limits. I would hate it, but I would let it go. I would not set limits on your relationship or his proximity to family as long as he is sober in your presence.

That said, I think there is room for prayer but that's between us and G-d.

 

[JMom]

Thank you all! I was curious what the general consensus was on acceptance/tolerance of it.