Marine update #2

[ksm]

Well things are not going well. I knew on Friday that she had failed her first physical test. And she was moved to a different platoon to get physically fit. I understood all that and didn't have a problem with it. But when she called the second time that day to give me the mailing address she was crying, while trying to get thru the "script".

I called her recruiting officer and spoke with him and I guess he had gotten an update or was able to look online and read notes of things that's happened so far. After being moved from the platoon she was in to the conditioning platoon I am guessing the drill sergeant spoke to those people who just been moved there and the recruiting officer said it's kind of a come to Jesus meeting. That if they had information that they were hiding they needed to come forward and be honest.

I guess she divulged to the drill instructor that she had used drugs during the delayed entry program time. The recruiting Sergeant said he would check on things. I didn't hear anything on Monday. So I called his office back today and a different sergeant was able to get on the computer and told me she had told the drill instructor she had taken ecstasy during the delayed entry program time.

I guess now they have started a waiver process which involves paperwork to see if she will be retained or dismissed. He said this process usually takes at least a week or longer to get the paperwork back. And then, even if they decide to send her home, it could be a couple more weeks after that before she is sent home.

In the mean time, she will have physical training, 3 meals a day, 8 hours of sleep time, and some chores, just like other recruits.

I am so disappointed. I don't know if she really did take the drug...or if that was what she considered an easy out. I just hope they work her hard, and she at least learns something from this fiasco.

I have continued to write her, hinting that I was worried that something was wrong, but for her to stay strong. There hasn't been enough time for her to probably send a letter to us...or at least for it to have arrived. I hope when she does write she will be honest about what has happened.

My husband and I, and my son (her step dad) will be talking and making a plan if she is dismissed and wants to move back in with either family. Curfews, chores, volunteering, looking for work and working, money from paycheck placed in appropriate accounts so she accumulates savings so she can fix car, move out, etc. it may seem like paying rent to her...but it will be saved for her future use, if she is responsible.

Also need to have a plan for some counseling to see how much an issue drugs and alcohol is involved.

This all fell apart much faster than I expected... Ksm

 

[New Leaf]

Oh Ksm sending big big hugs to you.
Leafy

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm sorry KSM.
More hugs.

 

[Littleboylost]

Oh KSM
They sabotage, fail and generally are disengaged. I am so sorry for this out come. I am still remaining hopeful that she may muster up the sand to stick it out.

 

[Cheerwyn]

I don't post here very often, but I am so sorry it is not working out as you had hoped ksm.

Ont thing that jumped out at me about your post was that one of the recruiters was able to tell you that your daughter had disclosed drug use. She is over 18 years old. Why on earth would they disclose something so confidential to you?

It may be that your daughter gave consent for you to have access to that information, but it brings up an even greater question. If you are going to shoulder the role of parent to your daughter when she is an adult, when will she begin to take responsibility for her own life?

This may sound cliche, but remember in the movie "An Officer and A Gentleman" when the DI is pushing Richard Gere's character to make him want to quit? He asks him "why won't you quit?" And Richard Gere says "Because I ain't got nowhere else to go." He knows that the Navy is his last and only resort.

Here, your daughter strung you along for months with "will she or won't she" managed to lose her driver's license and had to pretty much be led by her hand to show up for basic training. It is no surprise that she is going to drop out. She knows she always has somewhere else to go.

I know this sounds harsh, but I hate to see you be posting here in two years with the very same issues with your daughter.

What is she going to learn from this fiasco?

 

[ksm]

I don't post here very often, but I am so sorry it is not working out as you had hoped

What is she going to learn from this fiasco?

Well, she will for sure learn that it's not going to return to the status quo of living with her dad, not working, and staying out with friends and partying and not coming home for two or three days.

If she can't follow rules at his or our home, she won't be living here. She doesn't have money to fix her car, put ins. on it, or even tag it.

I will not give her rides, unless it's to work, apply for jobs or volunteer.

Ksm

 

[ksm]

I also wonder about the privacy of her info... I wish I hadn't know for five days that something was wrong. I guess she must have listed me...

I wouldn't have been surprised if she couldn't make it. I just didn't realize that it would all fall apart so quickly. I wonder if this will be a dishonorable discharge...

I just need to keep myself from stressing over it and see how it goes.

Ksm

 

[GoingNorth]

I don't know about the discharge in this case. I know with not being able to handle Boot physically or mentally (the latter called 'failure to adapt'), they discharge you and it's as if the enlistment never happened. However lying to a recruiter about drug use under your daughter's circumstances? I don't know if it'd be handled as above, or if it would be a perjorative discharge.

husband went in before the Army was routinely drug testing. He did have to sign an agreement stating that he would not use illegal substances during his delayed enlistment period, which he adhered to.

My concern is whether or not her lying could be considered lying under oath, which is a felony, and could lead to a dishonorable discharge.

I think your best bet is to visit some of the military boards and ask around. Visiting the actual *.gov sites pertaining to the military may provide answers as well.

Hopefully, if she is discharged, it will be a "as if it never happened" seperation, and she won't have to face criminal charges.

Hang it there and keep us posted, KLM. I know this is nervewracking.

 

[Kalahou]

Following along ksm.
I know how it is to hope so so much. HOPE (Hang On Pray Earnestly)

You have held on to hope over the last many months that this would be a good thing. And that it would be the thing that would get her away from your own seeming need to remain involved and responsible for her oversight (her external brain as you put it.) So draining for you. I do understand so well.

I feel nothing is in vain, but all experience has some profit and learning in it. There's nothing you can do about the discharge. Try not to stress over it. She will just have to deal with whatever it is. It's good she cried. Good she's been able to see that so many other kids her age are there working hard and striving hard to make it. It's not easy out there, anywhere, and most people realize they need to learn to deal with doing hard stuff and take care of their lives. I don't mean to sound harsh (as I am speaking to myself also as always!) but whatever happens, I think it's all good, "all is well" and it is alright.

We always want the best for these kids, but we cannot make it happen and cannot fix it. When will we ever learn that? You keep trying and trying again, for a long time, until you don't try anymore. With younger DCs, I see some folks here trying longer and over and over, and I understand that with younger DCs, as your granddaughter is till so young. You understandably keep hoping for a change which may come. You've mentioned that you've seen her mature the last year or two, and that will continue. (I've reached the second part now of not trying anymore, as my Difficult Child is much older. It is what it is. )

Take care, dear. Keep us posted. We care. We understand.

 

[ksm]

I don't think she tested positive for drugs. I believe the drug use may have happened a couple months ago. I think when she failed her first physical test, on the first day with the drill instructor, she panicked. Then she was moved to the physical conditioning group, and had another drill instructor who tells her she must come clean if there are things she didn't disclose.

I know this will play out, and I won't be any part of it. This is the real world. It's not grade school where I can get a 504 or IEP. I can't explain her invisible disability. She is bright, articulate but slow to process and hardly any ability to plan and follow thru.

Also, her sister said she had been writing a guy who is now in boot camp in the army. She had told us when she got her 10 day leave, she was going to visit him in TX, where he will be stationed next. I think she thinks she will some how be with him...at some point.

So I will be Hoping and Praying...and another acronym...FROG...fully relying on God.

Thanks for all the support.

 

[Lil]

ksm, all I can do is offer prayers and cyber hugs and tell you that one way or another, it'll work out. Either she comes home or she doesn't. I hoped for a while, and even suggested to our son, that he go into the military. I thought something relatively "easier" like the Air Force. But he tried the Marines. He didn't make it past the recruiter, largely because his dad was sitting there with him and he had to come clean about his drug use. If Jabber hadn't been there, he would have lied and I'm pretty sure we'd have been in your spot.

Worst case scenario, she washes out and comes home. Life will go on and maybe she'll be a little wiser.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Ont thing that jumped out at me about your post was that one of the recruiters was able to tell you that your daughter had disclosed drug use. She is over 18 years old. Why on earth would they disclose something so confidential to you?

I wonder if this will be a dishonorable discharge...

Sorry KSM, just saw this thread. First off, about the disclosure. You have to remember that this is the military. Not the medical profession nor the legal profession. Especially considering the possibility that some of this drug use was happening while she was a minor, I'm not surprised at all that they disclosed this information.

As far as the discharge goes, while I obviously cant say for sure, I'd be surprised if this is anything more than administrative. The fact of the matter is that a HUGE number of recruits in all branches of the military don't make it through boot camp due to the military finding out that they lied during the enlistment process. Its simply not cost effective for them to prosecute each and every one, especially in a case like this where the only evidence is her own admission. Too easy for her to recant that and change her story up again and say that they misunderstood what she said or something like that.