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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 751268" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Update. W and I are communicating. W has her list of conditions to present to DS and I made up a list of my own as well, EVEN THOUGH we on this board know that contracts are like restraining orders - ultimately useless.</p><p></p><p>Apparently he was told he could live with us if he met our conditions and signed a contract. I did tell W how angry I was that she did this without my input. But she is blinded by love for her child and the protective instinct that goes with it. She wants him with us - with her. She wants to be his mom in a way she has never been. I understand that, but unfortunately her child is a criminal and a drug addict, and while she at least admits to the latter, she does not understand that addicts lie and manipulate. She takes his tales of woe and abuse at the hands of his group home at face value and wants to protect him from them. (sigh)</p><p></p><p>I was at least pleased to see we are on the same page as far as expectations are concerned - our lists shared some common elements. Once again I have not told her that I'll immediately contact his PO if he becomes out of control. I don't know if I even need to do so. I'll just do it if it becomes necessary. Though I do feel I should tell her this so she is aware of what may happen if he behaves aggressively. And it will be valuable information for me as well; if she has a problem with this, then i have bigger issues than just a troubled and criminally inclined stepson.</p><p></p><p>W thinks a contract will keep him in line. His still adjudicating court case will likely be the bigger stick but as long as there is a stick that's all that really matters. </p><p></p><p>I expect he will sign whatever we put in front of him and do as he pleases anyway, as he has done at this group residence. I know what my response will be. The question is what will happen to my marriage as a result.</p><p></p><p>I need to do some research into how to NOT get into a situation where he is legally considered a tenant and therefore would have tenant's rights.</p><p></p><p>With all this said I am still unsure how this will all shake out - if he comes here, if I stay here. I will continue to keep the thread updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 751268, member: 13303"] Update. W and I are communicating. W has her list of conditions to present to DS and I made up a list of my own as well, EVEN THOUGH we on this board know that contracts are like restraining orders - ultimately useless. Apparently he was told he could live with us if he met our conditions and signed a contract. I did tell W how angry I was that she did this without my input. But she is blinded by love for her child and the protective instinct that goes with it. She wants him with us - with her. She wants to be his mom in a way she has never been. I understand that, but unfortunately her child is a criminal and a drug addict, and while she at least admits to the latter, she does not understand that addicts lie and manipulate. She takes his tales of woe and abuse at the hands of his group home at face value and wants to protect him from them. (sigh) I was at least pleased to see we are on the same page as far as expectations are concerned - our lists shared some common elements. Once again I have not told her that I'll immediately contact his PO if he becomes out of control. I don't know if I even need to do so. I'll just do it if it becomes necessary. Though I do feel I should tell her this so she is aware of what may happen if he behaves aggressively. And it will be valuable information for me as well; if she has a problem with this, then i have bigger issues than just a troubled and criminally inclined stepson. W thinks a contract will keep him in line. His still adjudicating court case will likely be the bigger stick but as long as there is a stick that's all that really matters. I expect he will sign whatever we put in front of him and do as he pleases anyway, as he has done at this group residence. I know what my response will be. The question is what will happen to my marriage as a result. I need to do some research into how to NOT get into a situation where he is legally considered a tenant and therefore would have tenant's rights. With all this said I am still unsure how this will all shake out - if he comes here, if I stay here. I will continue to keep the thread updated. [/QUOTE]
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