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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743777" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I know how this feels. This is like when M's sister told me (through him) to buy half a dozen Christmas gifts for adults and half a dozen Christmas gifts for kids, which I did, and then nobody gave me a gift!</p><p></p><p>This among other things is why I seriously distanced myself from his family.</p><p>You see. My sense is that it is not clueless. It is aggressive. I think that there are people whose motivations are to obliterate our face, our existence even, from the picture. And they may or may not be aware of this. But their motivations are not innocent. They are real. And that is why it hurts. On some level we know exactly what they mean.</p><p></p><p>Yes. I agree. One motivation might have been to curate photos to represent themselves well on facebook. But what is the effect, to obliterate and distance and omit your presence.</p><p></p><p>I am remembering now an instance of this when I was in graduate school where my best friend was very, very ambitious and self-serving. (I liked her very much, despite this.) She gave a presentation and I brought to this all kinds of refreshments such as cakes and cookies, and coffee.) And when it came time to eat, she said to the group:<em> I have provided these refreshments</em>, without any acknowledgement of my part. It was not that I cared about being acknowledged. What felt horrible was being erased.</p><p></p><p>I could spend all day recounting episodes in my life like this where somebody has taken credit for altruistic acts I have done, and just taken them over. Some of these were really important and huge, and everybody knew who did them (me) and still somebody else put their name on the actions. Even to me.</p><p>This is exactly so. It is really horribly sad when people have to create a fake life, in order to feel any power or to even feel as if they are alive.</p><p></p><p>But it doesn't excuse it. That ambitious woman friend, I called a few months ago, after many many years, maybe 35. I enjoyed speaking to her. She had lived her work life as a professor at a major Midwest University. After the call ended, I realized that she had asked not one question about me. What I had done with my career. How I felt as a woman, as a mother. Whether I was happy or not. How I felt about my life. For her it was all a one way street.</p><p></p><p>I mean. You guys know 10000x more about who I am as a person not only in my heart but in my life, than this flesh and blood woman in my flesh and blood life. She was indifferent. It was all about her. </p><p></p><p>I was not sad. But my eyes were opened. There are people for whom only themselves exist. They are the only people who exist in their worlds. I mean. In some way we are all like this. But hopefully we are able to sometimes share our world.</p><p></p><p>So. In this way of looking at things, it is not that you Nomad are important. It is that you don't exist for these people. It is not personal. Any other Nomad would have been extraneous, too. Think about the mafia. It's not personal. When you are whacked. Anybody else would have whacked, too, if they did not know their place. I mean. This is not fully fair of me. With this family they were the picture. Nobody else was.</p><p></p><p>Now. I cannot end this without talking about my sister. My sister has been on a lifelong quest to eliminate me from the photo (to kind of purge me from the whole story.) And then she stole all of the real baby photos, so that she could really control the story. I don't know if she literally threw all of me out, (or put pins in me), but it is greatly painful to me...that this happened. I always hate it when I think of this. But I have to work it through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743777, member: 18958"] I know how this feels. This is like when M's sister told me (through him) to buy half a dozen Christmas gifts for adults and half a dozen Christmas gifts for kids, which I did, and then nobody gave me a gift! This among other things is why I seriously distanced myself from his family. You see. My sense is that it is not clueless. It is aggressive. I think that there are people whose motivations are to obliterate our face, our existence even, from the picture. And they may or may not be aware of this. But their motivations are not innocent. They are real. And that is why it hurts. On some level we know exactly what they mean. Yes. I agree. One motivation might have been to curate photos to represent themselves well on facebook. But what is the effect, to obliterate and distance and omit your presence. I am remembering now an instance of this when I was in graduate school where my best friend was very, very ambitious and self-serving. (I liked her very much, despite this.) She gave a presentation and I brought to this all kinds of refreshments such as cakes and cookies, and coffee.) And when it came time to eat, she said to the group:[I] I have provided these refreshments[/I], without any acknowledgement of my part. It was not that I cared about being acknowledged. What felt horrible was being erased. I could spend all day recounting episodes in my life like this where somebody has taken credit for altruistic acts I have done, and just taken them over. Some of these were really important and huge, and everybody knew who did them (me) and still somebody else put their name on the actions. Even to me. This is exactly so. It is really horribly sad when people have to create a fake life, in order to feel any power or to even feel as if they are alive. But it doesn't excuse it. That ambitious woman friend, I called a few months ago, after many many years, maybe 35. I enjoyed speaking to her. She had lived her work life as a professor at a major Midwest University. After the call ended, I realized that she had asked not one question about me. What I had done with my career. How I felt as a woman, as a mother. Whether I was happy or not. How I felt about my life. For her it was all a one way street. I mean. You guys know 10000x more about who I am as a person not only in my heart but in my life, than this flesh and blood woman in my flesh and blood life. She was indifferent. It was all about her. I was not sad. But my eyes were opened. There are people for whom only themselves exist. They are the only people who exist in their worlds. I mean. In some way we are all like this. But hopefully we are able to sometimes share our world. So. In this way of looking at things, it is not that you Nomad are important. It is that you don't exist for these people. It is not personal. Any other Nomad would have been extraneous, too. Think about the mafia. It's not personal. When you are whacked. Anybody else would have whacked, too, if they did not know their place. I mean. This is not fully fair of me. With this family they were the picture. Nobody else was. Now. I cannot end this without talking about my sister. My sister has been on a lifelong quest to eliminate me from the photo (to kind of purge me from the whole story.) And then she stole all of the real baby photos, so that she could really control the story. I don't know if she literally threw all of me out, (or put pins in me), but it is greatly painful to me...that this happened. I always hate it when I think of this. But I have to work it through. [/QUOTE]
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