mothers and difficult daughters

[born2fly]

Hello - thank you for letting us talk here. I am weary of my daughter who is 37 . My husband and I spend a great deal of time with our grandchildren , flying across the country to see them and all that entails. When we are here it is like she thinks she is entitled to the childcare and appreciation and thanks are not high on the list. She likes to drop them in the door, and run off. If it was not for the grandchildren we would not bother coming to see them. We helped for an entire year when she went through leukemia - now she is 5 years out , healthy and strong, but not kinder. I have read many things, changed many responses, feel like I am on eggshells sometimes... but she will cut me down so suddenly , often in front of others, that is still comes as a surprise. We love our grandchildren and they have a wonderful relationship with us. If our other children knew how she is to us , they would be very upset. I guess some people are just not so nice and we have to work around that ? Not how we "saw this going"

 

[BusynMember]

I have one son who isnt always nice, and his siblings heard him in action and are not in touch with him. They dont like how he is. I get it.

I tend to focus on my kinder grown kids and the grand of my sweet daughter. My son and grandson live two states away. I havent visited for two years and he wont drive to an easier, closer halfway point to see the family. I love my grandson but his ex kept the entire family pretty much away while she was married to my son, and he allowed it, so I dont know grandson very well.

If I were you Id focus on your other family and this daughters kids and not expect much of daughter. She is who she is, but she is a pathway to seeing your grands. So I would try to disregard her rudeness (not easy) and enjoy the time with your grands away from her. Dont expect thanks for babysitting. Just enjoy the grands. You know THEY are glad to see you. You know THEY are thankful you are there.

Sometimes we have no choice but to alter our thinking about things.

I hope this helped.

 

[born2fly]

Thank you. That is very wise and practical. Just what I needed. And yes, the grandkids are amazing and I would not trade that relationship for anything. Thanks for taking the time to reply. It really helped ! Alter our thinking - oh that is so true. Onward, forward , right ?

 

[Acacia]

It sounds as though you have gone out of your way to be supportive and kind to your daughter. Does your daughter have a good relationship with other people, or does she just target you? I have a 36 year old daughter, who I believe has borderline personality disorder, which she seemed to developed in early adulthood. Her behavior towards me is often verbally abusive, manipulative, and she moves from crisis to crisis. Could your daughter have mental health issues? I think it is vital to take care of yourself and protect yourself from any abuse. I experience grief because of how difficult our relationship is - I also have grandchildren and not having the supportive, loving relationship I hoped for. You deserve to be treated respectfully, no matter what.

 

[born2fly]

It sounds as though you have gone out of your way to be supportive and kind to your daughter. Does your daughter have a good relationship with other people, or does she just target you? I have a 36 year old daughter, who I believe has borderline personality disorder, which she seemed to developed in early adulthood. Her behavior towards me is often verbally abusive, manipulative, and she moves from crisis to crisis. Could your daughter have mental health issues? I think it is vital to take care of yourself and protect yourself from any abuse. I experience grief because of how difficult our relationship is - I also have grandchildren and not having the supportive, loving relationship I hoped for. You deserve to be treated respectfully, no matter what.

 

[born2fly]

Thanks - yes , I have certainly gone above and beyond to be supportive ( not more than others, but you likely know what I mean) It is a grief , and I am sorry you are going through this also. It just makes everything that much more difficult and it does not have to be. Your situation sounds rather similar We have to remember who we are - we are good women !

 

[Stressing Mom]

Hello - thank you for letting us talk here. I am weary of my daughter who is 37 . My husband and I spend a great deal of time with our grandchildren , flying across the country to see them and all that entails. When we are here it is like she thinks she is entitled to the childcare and appreciation and thanks are not high on the list. She likes to drop them in the door, and run off. If it was not for the grandchildren we would not bother coming to see them. We helped for an entire year when she went through leukemia - now she is 5 years out , healthy and strong, but not kinder. I have read many things, changed many responses, feel like I am on eggshells sometimes... but she will cut me down so suddenly , often in front of others, that is still comes as a surprise. We love our grandchildren and they have a wonderful relationship with us. If our other children knew how she is to us , they would be very upset. I guess some people are just not so nice and we have to work around that ? Not how we "saw this going"

 

[It'sbeentoolong]

If she is that rude, perhaps it's a good thing that she leaves you behind with your darling grandchildren. That means you can be at ease and develop a beautiful relationship with them. Don't take your daughter's attitude personally. Just continue being your same polite self with great boundaries.