My mom had a dream about difficult child~

[hearts and roses]

My mother came out of her room this morning and was crying and grabbed me by the hand and said "I have to talk with you alone"...

In the kitchen, she held my hand and told me that she had a dream that difficult child was talking with her and confiding in her but she couldn't actually speak - could not use words. My mom said difficult child was using her hands and her face and her eyes. She said she looked like she does now, only a bit more mature looking, serious.

Mom then said, "difficult child needs to have a car and I prayed about it after I woke from this dream and I want to give you money to help her get a car. Don't ignore this, my dreams have always been very powerful and I always pray to God to find the message in the dream. This is serious. Your daughter needs your support now more than she ever has in her whole life. I know you've done so much for her and that you've often put her first. And I know you want her to make her own way and do more for herself. And I'm telling you, she wants to also - but she is so overwhelmed and she feels so lost. You don't even know the half of what she's been through. Some of it she did to herself, but some of it she didn't. She's truly incapable of figuring things out for herself and she needs just a little more hand holding. When she's being stupid, yes, it's wrong to help her, but she needs you and you need to be a support to her. She's very afraid. I know this with all my heart. Knowing how she feels, I would give up my life for her. You have to believe me. This was not just a silly dream."

Throughout this, my mother was crying, sobbing at times. I mean, at first I though, "oh boy, here we go..." because as I've posted before my mom has the early symptoms of dementia and often has nightmares. But this was entirely different than anything I've experienced with her before - she was genuinely afraid for difficult child. And then she kept saying something about "that boy that was killed - she just feels so awful about it, as if it was somehow her fault. She feels trapped and beaten down and as if there is no way out of this place she's in."

I will admit, I was pretty shaken by the time I was able to calm my mother down. She was squeezing my arm so tightly.

Then she said I had to take her home today so she could go to the bank and withdraw $1000 from her savings because she felt that God wants her to help difficult child get a car. I told her "okay" because with her memory coming and going I didn't think she'd remember. But I was wrong. She was the most lucid I've seen her in almost a year. Seriously. She recounted my first marriage, the separation and divorce, my marriage to my current H, the internet predator, all my jobs, EVERYTHING....meanwhile, all week long she's been asking me:

Have you been married before? How did you come to live here? So, do you work? Who is missing from dinner tonight (easy child)? Where do I live? Who is your husband?

And other stuff like that. This was scary, I tell you.

Anyway, I'm not driving her home, obviously and I will not accept money from her and she will likely forget anyway (lol). But WOW!!!

 

[Hound dog]

Jo

Wow, indeed.

Do yourself, and your mother a favor, keep as close a watch over difficult child as possible. I don't know that I'd run out and buy difficult child a car. But if you can, I'd certainly do my utter best to watch over her.

That your Mom was lucid when she dropped this on you concerns me. Obviously the dream had a profound affect on her. It could be a warning difficult child is in way over her head and still needs your guidance.

And if this was a warning, Mom just might not forget. Like you said, though. Wow

 

[KTMom91]

Wow...what a powerful dream. It obviously had a strong effect on your mom. I wouldn't even know where to begin to unravel this. Definitely keep an eye on difficult child.

 

[Sara PA]

**deep breath** I don't have prophetic dreams but I am, from time to time, psychic. If your mother has a history of prophetic dreams, maybe you ought to listen to her.

See, what she said pretty much described my son's frame of mind at your difficult child's age. Change the "she"s to "he"s and she could have been talking about him. It amazes me that she so clearly described his state of mind which I am sure is very much like many of our kids as they approach 18. (Now that I think about it, when my son was turning 18 we had a friend of his living with us. They talked about how scary turning 18 was and how they thought the world expected so much -- too much -- of them just because their aged turned to that magic number.)

We bought our son a car hoping it would enable him to leave the house. It didn't then but when he could leave, his car was his ticket to freedom. It isn't clear why your mother believes a car is so important for your difficult child but if it were me, I'd seriously consider her offer.

But that's me.

 

[Abbey]

JoG, dementia or Alzheimer's can be very differing. My grandmother could remember EVERY detail from 1930, but had no clue what was happening today, or for the last week or year.

You sound reasonable enough to not take advantage of that situation. So, if it makes her happy, cash the check then redeposit it.

Abbey

 

[hearts and roses]

Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to take the money, as we could certainly use it to help difficult child get into something decent (when she herself has saved a bit of money as well) rather than another piece of junk, Know what I mean??

However, my mother is living on her social security check, lives in senior subsidized housing and is on the verge of being declared indigent so she is eligible for medicare AND medicaid to enter a nursing home! I cannot, in good conscience, take that money. Also, there are my 4 siblings to consider - surely it will show that the money was withdrawn from her account and two sisters in particular would not let it rest until they figured out where they money went and I would not be able to sit by and let them wonder.

I think that my mother will forget all about this and life will go on all around her. But the part about keeping an eye out for difficult child and continuing to be supportive and push her in the right direction is very important - that part of this dream I will not ignore. And so it goes...

But you know what? All day, every so often, she would grab my arm and say something like, "There's something very important I'm supposed to take care of...I told you what it is...what is it? You must tell me...I want to write it down" and every time she seemed panicked.

 

[susiestar]

Jo,

Your mom sounds like a sweetie.

FWIW, my mother thinks my life when I first went to college (on a scholarship many many miles away from home) would have been MUCH more successful if they had gotten a car for me. I am not sure I agree - I was just so very young and had so much to handle other than academics. But she has commented many times that it might have been the "one thing" that helped me succeed when I first went away to college.

Part of what she is basing this on is a major university study she worked on here to see what they could do to keep the students enrolled after their freshman year. It is the ONE thing they didn't do - other than "magically" fix whatever was wrong wtih my health. And there is NO WAY they COULD have fixed my health.

I don't think I would have been successful at college until I learned some life lessons. In fact, I wasn't an effective student until after I had a child of my own. Before that I lacked motivation - and that is ALL ME.

I think you are a really good daughter and sis. If it makes your mom happier, could you cash the check, then redeposit it IF you told your sibs about it? Let them know it is a way to help your mom have some peace (and KEEP a copy of the check for YOUR safety!).

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Star*]

Jo,

Movie recommendation:

Away from Her.

IT's a 2 box kleenex movie about the way dementia affected a man and wife. It's slow moving but it's a must see for anyone who's ever had a family member suffer dementia.

I'm so sorry - that had to be really difficult. Hugs

 

[hearts and roses]

IF it comes up again when I drive my mom back to PA, I will do as you suggest Susie - take the check and just redeposit it back into her account and let my sister who handles her finances there know about everything.

Star, we recently watched The Savages, which is another movie that is very poignant for us at this time due to the fact that we're trying to find a home for my mom. Ugh.

Another great movie is The Notebook, and I have to tell you that the lead character IS my mom, the history, what she was like as an older teen, a young woman, and then later. And sadly, I can't even watch the movie now because my mother is reminding me of the Gena Rowlands character too much!