My son 25 has " bi polar traits" ,"depression". He has been enabled for 12 years. Now that his mom,aunts have reached their tolerance limits he is homeless. Been in hospitals where he is quickly discharged as to not a danger to himself or others. Now in the week of Christmas holiday he refuses homeless shelter. Even if he decides there is no entry until Jan 4th. Where will he get food ? Will sleep at park... at wits end. I have been advised no enabling,no enabling ,no enabling. Hard to let go and what for things to pan out and hopefully he gives up and accepts professional help at a men's rescue mission and turn his life around...
My son 25 has " bi polar traits" ,"depression" and now is homeless
- Thread starter Jed
- Start date
His mom and I divorced in 2004 but we are now "working " together to not enable and to actually get him to accept help and get his life back. We are hoping the " lessons" of the street will hep him accept a bed and warm shower and psychological help at homeless shelter equipped for this.Our son has never had any real boundaries or consequences....guess he will have them now...
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Dear Jed. Why not start your own new thread. This is an old thread and people won't see your message here. I have been in exactly the spot you are in. To a dot and a crossed T, I have been the same level of frantic. 10 years ago it started. I've been here for 5 years and it does get better. Believe me, they do begin to answer these questions that you ask about food and shelter. Welcome to you. Please keep posting. It helps.
Welcome @Jed. I'm very sorry about your son's situation...
To make it easier for members to find your posts and respond to you I moved your posts into a new thread.
Thank you @Copabanana for bringing this to my attention.
To make it easier for members to find your posts and respond to you I moved your posts into a new thread.
Thank you @Copabanana for bringing this to my attention.
Waitingforamiracle
Member
Dear Jed, I know how much you are worrying about him. Please try to get some counselling to help you detach. Worrying will not help him and will only hurt your health. He is an adult man and is making poor choices. You didn't cause this and you can't cure it. Help yourself so that if the opportunity arises where you can help your son, you will be able to from a position of strength, balance and well-being. All best wishes to you!
DazedandConfused
Well-Known Member
Hi Jed,
I'm often struck by just how difficult it is for us to do nothing for our wayward adult children. They make poor choice after poor choice and we, as parents, struggle with how they're going to cope with their poor choices. I realize, for me, it is about me wanting to make MY worry and anguish go away. I will just try to fix it so I do not have to be in such distress over THEIR suffering from THEIR deliberate poor choices. I feel it on a daily basis with my son. I confront it in a healthy manner as best I can. It is the not knowing, the unpredictability of what might happen that swirls in my mind that I literally have to find a way to distract myself from it. Luckily, I have developed plenty of ways that I find effective and enjoyable.
Setting boundaries for yourself is a good start. As stated by others here, getting professional help can be useful.
Best wishes!
I'm often struck by just how difficult it is for us to do nothing for our wayward adult children. They make poor choice after poor choice and we, as parents, struggle with how they're going to cope with their poor choices. I realize, for me, it is about me wanting to make MY worry and anguish go away. I will just try to fix it so I do not have to be in such distress over THEIR suffering from THEIR deliberate poor choices. I feel it on a daily basis with my son. I confront it in a healthy manner as best I can. It is the not knowing, the unpredictability of what might happen that swirls in my mind that I literally have to find a way to distract myself from it. Luckily, I have developed plenty of ways that I find effective and enjoyable.
Setting boundaries for yourself is a good start. As stated by others here, getting professional help can be useful.
Best wishes!
overcome mom
Active Member
Jed, I am where you are right now. My son is homeless and I really do not know where he is living. He tells me that he is living in his car but I am very skeptical of this as it has gotten down to the low 20's at night. I think he is staying with different people. Does your son have friends that would let him sleep on their couch at night? My son also refuses to go to a homeless shelter. He tells me how he will get ripped off but I also think he thinks it is below him. He also has pissed/ripped off so many people in our area that he might get beat up. I wake up every morning with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach worrying about him. As others have said it does no good worrying as it doesn't change anything except your mental health. He is going to do what ever he wants to. Since this is the first time your son has been turned out, I hope that he does wake up and accept some help. My guess is that at some point he is going to ask you for some help (money) at that time you and his mother will have to decide what the conditions for that help will be.
@DazedandConfused what do you do to distract yourself? I could use some new ideas .
@DazedandConfused what do you do to distract yourself? I could use some new ideas .
Waitingforamiracle
Member
Overcome, your question was not aimed at me but I found pouring all my love and affection into a little (terrier mix) rescue dog takes my mind off my son and keeps me busy!
overcome mom
Active Member
We plan to get another dog in the near future. Our dog of 15 years died a couple of months ago, I do really miss him . He was a good comfort to me. He was suppose to be my son's dog but he never really took any responsibility for him. It was my husbands first dog and he was very attached. Dogs are such good companions.
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