Thank you Marcie, everywoman and Fran. It’s nice to see some old familiar faces around here.
I am doing okay. Reading grief books and watching church on the internet. I find myself wanting to draw even closer to things of G-d so as to be even closer to my J. Tomorrow I may see my old counselor who knew all about J and his addiction issues as well as his cycle between homelessness hospitals and our house.
I miss my J most at night as I go to pray. Sometimes his whole life plays back in my mind. I find it hard to go to sleep. I just lay in bed thinking of everything for a couple of hours before I finally drift off.
Still missing J terribly. The other day I said to dear husband, “Why did I get left with my other two who I barely have a relationship with?” I do have a relationship with my daughter but she is busy with her husband and new baby. J and I were just always closest. I think because of the Bipolar we had in common. I so wish I could have convinced him that prescribed medication was enough to live on…that he didn’t need anything more.
I look at his pictures and miss his sweet smile. We loved each other so much. There is no replacing the hole that is left in my heart with anyone or anything else. I pray this gets easier to deal with over time but I suspect not.
Thank you all for your comforting words and prayers.
LMS
