My Son

[havingfaith]

My adult son who left our home 6 years ago, was diagnosed with depression and paranoia 4 years ago. He attempt suiaside 3 times during these years, however he was able to finished his educations and had a job. He always was under care of physiologist and therapist and took his medication. Seven months ago he came back home, refused to take his medication or seen any doctors. I did everything I could to get help for him, but all my attempt was failed. The law protect him. Until 3 nights ago that he was violent and wanted to hit me. I called 911 but they didn't take him since he dose not meet the criteria!! He has a car and stayed in his car but tonight he came back and begged and cursed to come back. I didn't let him in. He has not take a shower for 7 months. He lost more than 50 pounds, he became vegetarian. His smell is brutal. So now he is homeless and on his own. what kind of law this country has for people with mental health. The Pet team and 911 team told me that we know he needs help but by law we can not force him to go to hospital. These are all new to me. I am devastated. How we can help the people that they are sick but refuse to get help. Where should I go from here? I cannot sleep, loosing my mind that my own flesh and blood is in the street, on his own. I love my son, I want to help him. But how? I called Nami, I went to their weekly program, I begged the Pet team and police to take him but no use. Please help me if you know anything that will help my situation. Thank you and God bless.

 

[Kalahou]

Hello Havingfaith, I want to welcome you to the forum although I am so sorry for the heartache and pain that brought you here. You have arrived at a safe place where people understand what you are going through. You are not alone here. At the moment I do not have a lot to share and not much time, but first I encourage you to breathe calmly and slow down the rushing feelings of panic.

I don’t know how old your son is, but with adult children, there is unfortunately nothing we can do to “fix” them or “help” them, as you have already found out through all your supportive efforts that have not helped. One thing you might do is to read the “Detachment Article” at the top of this forum. Here is the link. http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz47CchzB1z

Learning the truth in this article is a start at learning how and why to lovingly detach from our difficult children, not only for our own benefit, but for their freedom also. We all know that the fears and worry can make us sick in body and mind. We have all been though that for too long. A priority in this situation is to take care of yourself and keep safe and healthy for yourself. You said your son left home around 6 years ago. How old is your son? Can you give us a little more background on the development of his illness before?

Others with more experience in difficult children with mental illness will come along soon to share wisdom and comfort for you. Right now most folks in the USA are asleep, but they will check in tomorrow. The support, understanding and guidance shared on this forum is life-saving and will uplift and build you strong. Stay with us here and keep posting. Also keep reading others’ posts to see that you are not alone here. We understand.

I see from your name that you have great faith. You are going to be alright. Right now there is nothing you need to do, except stay safe, and calm fearful thoughts. While we ache with despair for our troubled children, your safety is your priority. Take care, dear. We are here with you. ... Tomorrow is a new day. Kalahou

 

[BusynMember]

In our country, the mentally ill.have "rights" even if they are psychotic. It is a very sad situation. Some dont even know they are sick and believe everyone is out to kill them so they are afraid to get help even if they DO know they need it. I hope your son isnt also taking drugs. Thst just makes it worse.

I am so sorry you are living this nightmare. Protect yourself. Legally there is nothing you can do for your son. Has he signed up for Disability? Therebare service options if he does, but nobody can force them. Still, its a start.

 

[worried sick mother]

Welcome Having Faith, I'm sorry for your need to be here and your hurting heart but you have definitely found the right place. I went to a counselor trying to figure out if my son had a mental illness or if he had a drug addiction, turns out my son has both. I just wanted to share what he told me, he said that it didn't matter which one he has that as long as we enable him that he would never get help. He said if it's a mental illness then he will never go to a doctor or take medicine if we enable, if it's drug addiction he will never seek treatment and recover as long as we enable. So as hard as it was for you, you did the right thing. I don't know if you can reason with your son at all but if you could explain that you will not help in any way unless he helps himself by seeking treatment for his illness. You are not doing him any favors by letting him stay in your home and not showering or putting you in harms way. He obviously doesn't like being homeless since he was begging to come back home, so maybe if you stick to your guns he will seek help. The laws definitely need to be changed regarding mental illness. I used to work with a lady who took her son to court and had him declared mentally ill, she was given guardianship over him so she could check him into the mental hospital. I don't know much details but I know it was a long process, he was in the mental hospital several times and he finally got on the right medications and is doing well now. Please take care of yourself, I just prayed for you and your son. Keep posting.

 

[Nature]

Hi Having Faith, I'm sorry for all that has happened to you. You are not alone and amongst friends here who share similar stories. We all have grieving hearts in common and understand your pain. No judgements here , shoulders to lean on and good listeners. You are amongst friends.
You have gone through a lot and in order to truly help your son you have to be strong yourself and that means taking care of yourself first. It's also true that us moms often experience blurred lines in which we feel no matter what we should never give up on our children.Eventually through the help of others we see that enabling only prolongs their mental illness or addictions. It is only when we stop doing this can our child seek the help they need. Please visit often and share. Hugs from me.